why me?

[ShoeGirl]

My bf broke up with me about a week and a half ago. I feel like our relationship was over months ago but we both held on hoping something would change. We hardly kissed the last few times we saw eachother (we were long distance). Since we officially broke up my life has been a whirlwind...

 

On the night after he broke up with me I had a few friends from work over because I couldn't stand being home alone. A few of them brought some drinks so we all started drinking... one guy got really drunk and passed out on the living room floor and every one else went home at bout 3:30. I went into my room and went to sleep, about half an hour later this guy came into my room and tryed to get into my bed with me, I woke up and asked him what he was doing, he just grabbed me and started trying to make out with me, I basically freaked out and pushed him away. He just sat there staring at me and kept asking why I wouldn't kiss him, if I liked him, and he confessed that he has liked me since June when we met. I just otld him I never thought of him like that and that I just got out of a serious relationship. I convinced him to go back out in the living room and go to sleep.

 

The next morning I drove him home and he claims he doesn't remember anything at all. He asked what happened so I told him that he confessed that he has liked me, etc. He asked if he kissed me, and I asked him what he thinks happened, and he knew he kissed me and I freaked out. He said not to mention it again and everything would be normal. I worked with him once since then and things were ok, a little awkward but somewhat normal.

 

Then a few days later a guy in one of my classes asked if I wanted to get together on Saturday night to study for an upcoming test, I said that would be great and he asked for my number. He called me Saturday and said that he got busy with other homework and couldn't come study but wanted to get together on Sunday, but I had plans, so we decided that we would figure it out in class on Monday. Later on Saturday he started texting me asking about my weekend and what I did, I told him what I was up to. We texted back and forth for about an hour, near the end of the converstaion he made a comment about going out of town on Friday, so I asked him what he was going there for, he relpied that it was his 2 year anniversary with his girlfriend.

 

I couldn't believe that he had a girlfriend and had spent the last hour texting me. We still met up tonight to study and we spent more time talking (and flirting) than studying, but I kept thinking he has a girlfriend. He commented that I should come out with him and his friends next time they go out. I am planning on going because I need to get out more and be around new people, I kinda isolated myslef when I was dating my ex... so I don't have a whole lot of people to hang out with here.

 

I don't understand what is going on... I have one guy who confessed that he likes me who I have absolutly no feelings for and another cute, smart, funny, great guy who has a girlfriend but keeps flirting with me.

 

I need to get out and meet people but I don't even know where to go... any suggestions? I am not really looking for a relationship just looking forward to dating... the last time I was dating I was 17 years old.

[magichands]

I don't understand what is going on... I have one guy who confessed that he likes me who I have absolutly no feelings for and another cute, smart, funny, great guy who has a girlfriend but keeps flirting with me.

You need to slow down, that's all.

[Guest]

SLOW DOWN IS RIGHT!! Relax a little and the right NEW man will come along. And stay away from the guy with the girlfriend - HE IS TAKEN! Tell him you want to remain friends but nothing - you deserve to be number one right? And this upcoming event with you guys going out together in a group maybe his girlfriend should come too

[ShoeGirl]

I know I need to slow down but all of this happened so fast, it was kind of a rush.

 

I know that the guy is taken... I am not one to cheat and I would not let him do that either. We have studied the last few nights together (we have a test tomorrow) and it has been fun. He is a pretty smart guy... we were talking about dating and I told him my (now ex) bf broke up with me and he guessed that he cheated on me, then somehow guessed that it was with a guy. How he figured that out I have no idea.

 

When I told him that he was right he got pissed and started creating a plan to go make my ex feel horrible. He even started calling his friends to help him. This is a guy that I have only known about a month... I have never had a guy that would stand up for me before... I was in shock and still am. He told me that we will continue to hang out (as friends nothing more!) as long as he is making me smile, which he is good at .

 

We talked about the fact that he has a gf and the fact that I am attracted to him and he said that he would be lying if he said he wasn't attracted to me but that as long as we both knew nothing would happen we could stay friends and he would keep making me smile. I am perfectly content being friends... I don't need a relationship now anyway.

 

I just hope that someday I will meet a guy as great as he is who will want me and who will be faithful to me. *dreaming*

[magichands]

I think if I was this dude's girlfriend, and was aware of what he was up to, I would be confused and hurt.

 

Having a friend like this that you're lusting after - and who is "keeping you smiling and happy" - is a joke.

 

But who knows...maybe you two will eventually get together and there will be a happy ending to this story. This guy is being disrespectful to his girlfriend - clearly. And you seem quite content to try to convince yourself that this is all harmless fun.

 

I think you have a lot of growing up to do. But then you're so young, and I can't talk because I'm often an immature prick.

 

Right now you're going to find it irresistible to have your ego fed, it seems.

[ShoeGirl]

I think if I was this dude's girlfriend, and was aware of what he was up to, I would be confused and hurt.

 

Having a friend like this that you're lusting after - and who is "keeping you smiling and happy" - is a joke.

 

But who knows...maybe you two will eventually get together and there will be a happy ending to this story. This guy is being disrespectful to his girlfriend - clearly. And you seem quite content to try to convince yourself that this is all harmless fun.

 

I think you have a lot of growing up to do. But then you're so young, and I can't talk because I'm often an immature prick.

 

Right now you're going to find it irresistible to have your ego fed, it seems.

 

I know what is going on with him and I, but the reality is he has a girlfriend that he is happy with, she knows about me and told him to hang out with me all he wants (I was sitting next to him during this conversation) she said she had been there before (having a guy cheat on her) and wished she had someone to talk to and laugh with and she knows what a flirt he is. I am not saying it is ok for him to be doing what he is but it is his choice, I am not the one calling/texting him. Yeah I am not completely innocent in this picture I see that but I do like the idea of a guy flirting with me (or feeding my ego as you said) and me being able to flirt back (without feeling guilty like when I was in a relationship).

 

I know I have a lot of growing up to do... and right now I know I need to get my mind off of my ex and get through school, and this guy is helping me with both.

 

I know it is not completely harmless because it could ruin his relationship with his girlfriend, the way I see it she knows what is going on, he will not cheat and I will not go there unless he doesn't have a girlfriend and that is how it is going to stay on my end. Maybe I am wrong in seeing it that way...

[magichands]

I know I have a lot of growing up to do... and right now I know I need to get my mind off of my ex and get through school, and this guy is helping me with both.

Sorry if I sounded harsh.

I know it is not completely harmless because it could ruin his relationship with his girlfriend, the way I see it she knows what is going on, he will not cheat and I will not go there unless he doesn't have a girlfriend and that is how it is going to stay on my end. Maybe I am wrong in seeing it that way...

Remember that, at least to my thinking, cheating isn't just a physical thing.

[ShoeGirl]

you didn't... I understand what you are saying and I appriciate your responses.

 

I am sure that I am justifying what is going on to myself, hearing what you and others have to say helps me see it from other sides, at least I am trying to see it from other sides.

 

Thanks for all of your comments through all that I have been through in the last few months!

 

I will always have that definition of cheating in my head... I was cheated on and I don't want that for anyone else. I will be careful, I don't want him to cheat on her, especially with me.

[ShoeGirl]

I don't understand this guy (the one with the girlfriend)... We studied together on MOnday and Tuesday nights, for our test. Wednesday we took our test, he asked how I did and I left to go to my next class.

 

While I was in my next class he texted me asking me about another assignment we had due, I said I was almost done with it and that I was going home after class to finish it and pack cause I was going to my parents for the weekend. He responded asking if I wanted to meet for food before I left town and I never responded. He showed up at my apartment (still don't know how he figured out where I live) and said we should go get food... I didn't want to say no so we went to Taco Bell. He took me back home and told me to drive safe on my trip.

 

I drove to my parents house (about 5 hours away) and went to sleep cause I was exhausted, at 1am my phone rang and it was him wanting to know if I made it ok, we talked for about 45 minutes until I needed to go back to bed. Today he texted me asking how home was and what I was up to...

 

If he didn't have a girlfriend I would think that he was interested in me... he has talked to me everyday, that seems like more than a friend... I just don't get it. I am also curious to see if he drives over here to talk to my ex next week... he said he was going to, but I don't see why, what is in it for him?

 

I am really trying not to left myself like him because he is taken, but he is so much fun to be around and it beats sitting at home crying over my ex.

 

Oh... and I am supposed to see my ex tomorrow to get my stuff from him... not sure how I feel about that, I guess I better do it now and get it over with.

[magichands]

If he didn't have a girlfriend I would think that he was interested in me... he has talked to me everyday, that seems like more than a friend... I just don't get it. I am also curious to see if he drives over here to talk to my ex next week... he said he was going to, but I don't see why, what is in it for him?

He's just doing what any good friend would do...he's trying to get into your pants.

I am really trying not to left myself like him because he is taken, but he is so much fun to be around and it beats sitting at home crying over my ex.

Tug of war. You don't want to put yourself in the position of being the object of a "taken" man's affections (you said as much), but you're sooo enjoying the attention (and commensurate ego boost).

 

It's time to dig deep for the real you.

[magichands]

He showed up at my apartment (still don't know how he figured out where I live) and said we should go get food

This is scary. Not scary, scary - but scary for his girlfriend.

 

You're obviously an attractive girl...just be careful in your present "vulnerable" state. Don't be doing anything you'll regret later. The bigger picture is that I believe he has crossed the line already. If he is disrespecting his girlfriend, then you are not immune from the same treatment.

 

No matter how "charming" and "fun to be with" that he is.

[ShoeGirl]

I had dinner with my ex last night... It was extremely awkward at first but as the night went on it got better. I told him exactly how I feel and why I feel that way and for probably the first time ever he said he understood what I was saying. He told me why he broke up with me (which I already knew) and that was the majority of our conversation.

 

I went to leave and he gave me the hardest hug he ever has and he kissed me, which took me by surprise, it was nice but it definitely didn't feel the same as before (good right?) We made it to his living room and ended up sitting there talking for another hour, by the end of it he asked me if I wanted to get back together and I said no, it is over and its going to stay that way. He asked if I would ever take him back... I told him that as of right now no, if a lot changes in the next few years then it may be a possibility. I should have just said no...

 

I think that we will keep talking, I just hope that he doesn't keep thinking that we are going to get back together... I will just have to keep saying no

 

Magichands-

I know I am not immune to the same treatment... I don't intend on dating him, even if he didn't have a girlfriend. I don't need another relationship right now. I will probably still hang out with him but I am not encouraging him to cheat on his girlfriend, at least I am not trying to.

[magichands]

but I am not encouraging him to cheat on his girlfriend, at least I am not trying to.

Hey...I know you're much better than that.

 

My point is that turning up at your place like that is crossing a boundary that I wouldn't be comfortable with. He's clearly "trying it on" in my view.

 

PS: I hope you're feeling better about your ex now, and you got whatever "closure" that you needed.

[ShoeGirl]

I am feeling much better, I think he feels worse which is kinda funny to me

 

What do you think I should do with this other guy? Do I just keep studying (and hanging out) with him or do I stop it now? I am not uncomfortable with anything yet (well the showing up at my apartment was kinda strange) and he did help me study which I wouldn't have been able to do with my emotional state last week. I just don't know what the right thing to do is. Do you think I am crossing any lines?

[alphamale]

What do you think I should do with this other guy? Do I just keep studying (and hanging out) with him or do I stop it now?

yeah i guess so SG....just string him along in friends mode until he falls for you and then unceremoniously break his heart. he sounds a bit naive and should probably learn his lesson sooner than later.

[ShoeGirl]

hehe... I like your train of thought! Maybe I should try that... teaching guys lessons sounds like a new passtime to me

[magichands]

hehe... I like your train of thought! Maybe I should try that... teaching guys lessons sounds like a new passtime to me

Alpha is the best.

 

And I just knew you had some bitch in you.

 

PS: My advice is to think of things from his girlfriend's point of view. Maybe that's sappy and idealistic - but that's me.

[ShoeGirl]

Alpha is the best.

 

And I just knew you had some bitch in you.

 

The bitch in me only comes out when someone really pisses me off... which is kinda hard to do... apparently someone succeeded... maybe he should get an award:p

 

Wow... I am being sacractic tonight!

[alphamale]

Maybe I should try that... teaching guys lessons sounds like a new passtime to me

oh you'll have a great time....and it won't cost you a cent

 

Alpha is the best.

agreed!

[ShoeGirl]

Alpha is the best.

 

And I just knew you had some bitch in you.

 

PS: My advice is to think of things from his girlfriend's point of view. Maybe that's sappy and idealistic - but that's me.

 

Ok you are right the bitch in me has come out... I thought of it from her point of view and then I thought maybe she would like to know how her bf acts when she is not around. Maybe I should just hide until I can act like a civilized person again?

[ShoeGirl]

oh you'll have a great time....and it won't cost you a cent

I am seriously going to do this... it will be fun! hehe

 

agreed!

If you didn't agree that would scare me!

[magichands]

I thought of it from her point of view and then I thought maybe she would like to know how her bf acts when she is not around.

Don't play that game.

 

I mean - don't allow yourself to become part of a problem. I'm not saying that any of this is your fault...but do you see what I'm saying?

[ShoeGirl]

Don't play that game.

 

I mean - don't allow yourself to become part of a problem. I'm not saying that any of this is your fault...but do you see what I'm saying?

 

I do see what you are saying and I won't do that... I am not that mean, I am just in a mean mood tonight. I could never play games like that intentionally. I am still trying to think about how to tell him that we shouldn't hang out as much... studying should be ok, right?

 

I never had this problem when I had a boyfriend, but now it seems like I don't have a good excuse... I'll have to think more about that. I see him again in class on Monday so that gives me a little time

[magichands]

I am still trying to think about how to tell him that we shouldn't hang out as much

I don't think you have to. If you say that, he will just deny everything and pile on the charm.

 

You are in control of how much time you spend with him. Remember that. And people that don't take "no" for an answer - to a particular situation at a particular time - need to be put in their place.

[ShoeGirl]

Good point!

 

We don't have another test for a week and a half... so I will just not hang out with him until the end of the week... when it comes time to study then I will study with him and that will be it... hopefully he will get the point!

 

Why can't I meet a nice guy who won't cheat? I know I have only been single for 2 weeks but it would be nice to know if there are still guys out there who would never cheat... it seems like every one is breaking up because someone cheated! It is ridiculous! Are there any loyal and faithful people out there?

 

edit: sorry for my rant