CosmoBella Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 :( Okay so I've been in NC with the ex for a week. Well its been on and off (NC) for about a month now. This time I felt that I was getting somewhere with NC. I thought I was able to get my life back together. Have fun and not be thinking soo much about my ex. I was smiling more and having fun. Anyway I decide to check my e-mail and there it is an IM saying "[sIZE=1]hey I really wanna talk to you and see you. I miss you so much. my life is nothing when I'm not thinking of you. I love you so much. well I am going to sleep now but I love you and miss you babe"[/sIZE] WTF!! he had to contact me and make me feel something again. I replied with "I dont want anything to do with you anymore"... So my questions are 1). What the heck does he mean by the IM he sent me? 2) Was it right to reply to his msg the way I did? 3) What should I do next to heal? Ive cried many nights and lost sleep and I constantly thought about him and i thought this was going to pass, but it doesnt seem it will. I need your help please...
the_alchemyst Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 If what you said in your message was true, then I think it is best that you leave it at that: you telling him and him knowing that you don't want anything to do with him anymore. Don't try to analyze what he meant by his message. Don't worry about what whether if your reply was appropriate or not. In doing these, you will only cause yourself more turmoil and postpone your healing. If you don't want anything to do with him anymore, then it matters not what he meant, and your responce straight-forward and to the point. Just leave it as it is, and if he further tries to contact you, it will be in your best interest that you ignore him.
bella_girl Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 1) his message means 'my life is **** I want you to make me feel better and i miss you.' 2) if that's how you feel then the way you responded is completely fine 3) what to do to heal - do what you were doing, go out have fun etc, if he contacts you again then don't respond, delete it so you don't have to read it again, hell don't even open the email if necessary!
Author CosmoBella Posted November 8, 2006 Author Posted November 8, 2006 If what you said in your message was true, then I think it is best that you leave it at that: you telling him and him knowing that you don't want anything to do with him anymore. Don't try to analyze what he meant by his message. Don't worry about what whether if your reply was appropriate or not. In doing these, you will only cause yourself more turmoil and postpone your healing. If you don't want anything to do with him anymore, then it matters not what he meant, and your responce straight-forward and to the point. Just leave it as it is, and if he further tries to contact you, it will be in your best interest that you ignore him. Thank you the_alchemyst for your reply... Its not that im over analyzing what he said it's just that I felt my reply was a lil harsh. I thought about it later and I regreted what I wrote. This is not me to be mean to him. But I guess he deserves it! He just text me tonight and damn I want to reply and be nasty but when I think about it no good will come out of it! The only reason I reply its just for him to understand that he broke my heart and he needs to leave me alone.
Author CosmoBella Posted November 8, 2006 Author Posted November 8, 2006 1) his message means 'my life is **** I want you to make me feel better and i miss you.' 2) if that's how you feel then the way you responded is completely fine 3) what to do to heal - do what you were doing, go out have fun etc, if he contacts you again then don't respond, delete it so you don't have to read it again, hell don't even open the email if necessary! Hello bella_girl... Well I hope he is enjoying what he deserves. <-This makes me seem bitter... Sorry Im really not. I responded with all honesty but I'm the kind of person that doesnt like to offend anyone... especially the guy I still have feelings for, im just tired of being his "emotional" punching bag! Anyway thanks for your words...
bella_girl Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 Hey Cosmo how are you holding up? You said: He just text me tonight and damn I want to reply and be nasty but when I think about it no good will come out of it! You want to reply and be nasty because he hurt you and you want him to hurt him back so he can feel the same. However as you stated no good will come of it and you can't play tit for tat. It's better just not to respond. Your strength is all there in your words.. look at the title of the thread: 'He wants to pull me back, but I just can't do it anymore' a) yep he wants you back but your the one in control and you don't want him b) you can't do it anymore so don't - choose not to play. c) you don't want to be his emotional punch bag - so don't be, don't respond, don't be dragged back in Now get out there and enjoy life, look at this as a blip on the road to recovery - don't reply, don't be sucked in, just move on. PS I didn't mean this to be harsh or blunt but just to point out that you already have the strengthen within you, its written in your words.
Kamille Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 I responded with all honesty but I'm the kind of person that doesnt like to offend anyone... especially the guy I still have feelings for... I recognize that one. I think it is a very feminine reaction. Women are so used to doing the 'caring' and being 'nice' that we sometimes think men will appreciate just how nice we are. Guess what, it doesn't work that way. Men are not raised to be nice, they are raised to stand up for themselves. Stop answering his messages. You won't be offending him you will only be standing up for yourself. Not to mention you will be removing yourself from a situation that is detrimental to you. Respect for oneself is something men do understand very well.
Author CosmoBella Posted November 8, 2006 Author Posted November 8, 2006 Hey Cosmo how are you holding up? You said: You want to reply and be nasty because he hurt you and you want him to hurt him back so he can feel the same. However as you stated no good will come of it and you can't play tit for tat. It's better just not to respond. Your strength is all there in your words.. look at the title of the thread: 'He wants to pull me back, but I just can't do it anymore' a) yep he wants you back but your the one in control and you don't want him b) you can't do it anymore so don't - choose not to play. c) you don't want to be his emotional punch bag - so don't be, don't respond, don't be dragged back in Now get out there and enjoy life, look at this as a blip on the road to recovery - don't reply, don't be sucked in, just move on. PS I didn't mean this to be harsh or blunt but just to point out that you already have the strengthen within you, its written in your words. You just gave me a real reality check! Thanks. I appreciate it. But I did something horrible. Something that I thought I was better than that and that I was strong enough not to do... I text him back after 5 text msgs that he sent me... the DING!! was driving me crazy.And I couldnt turn off my phone because my best friend was going to call. DING!!...lol.aaahhh. So I told him to loose my number and he said "fine, sorry I bothered you". Then out of anger(im on the stage of anger really bad) but im so nice to everyone else. So I told him "why are you contacting me after all this time trying to be nice, are you bored or something?"... he got mad and said this was never going to change so I told him that I hope he is happy and that I moved on.. I didnt really lie, I have kinda moved on... So he told me that it didnt suprise him that I moved on and I think I may have hurt him... I feel so guilty because it's this that he puts me through, I totally suck I know. I need to move on. I need to stop communicating with him. I need to forget about him.. Gosh! This is so hard. My feelings are back... So here we go with the emotional rollercoaster again. Does this happen to everyone that goes through brake ups? Maybe I have a hard head that I dont get it, this man hurt me made me feel like S**T. I was emotionally unstable because he kick me soo low. Why dont I get it, that he treated me so bad and I still love him. I need serious HeLP! thanks.
Author CosmoBella Posted November 8, 2006 Author Posted November 8, 2006 I think it is a very feminine reaction. Women are so used to doing the 'caring' and being 'nice' that we sometimes think men will appreciate just how nice we are. Guess what, it doesn't work that way. Men are not raised to be nice, they are raised to stand up for themselves. Thanks Kamille for your reply. I've been mean to him before but I get so stupid and ask for his forgiveness. Even if he was a cruel ass first. I have tried to be a bitch just strong and very careless... Didint work out. I made him cry and that made me feel horrible. I want to be able to learn how to be in control of my feelings and to stand up for me. And stop this "man" from walking all over me. Ideas appreciated!
Author CosmoBella Posted November 8, 2006 Author Posted November 8, 2006 I posted the same msg twice, sorry.
JCD Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 You need to think about what you want from this relationship. If and when you do, then make the decision, not before. It's all part of growing up and learning about yourself and your needs.
bella_girl Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Cosmo - ah well, so you sent him a couple spiteful texts. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. Though you did sort of achieve your aim of hurting him cos he hurt you - I think you can learn from that. I think you should call it a 'blip' in your emotional healing, don't worry about it too much. Also if he calls again say 'look I'm sorry that I hurt with my text I know it was harsh. I really think that we both need to move on now. I need some space and I'd appreciate it you didn't call me for a while.' Keep things calm and objective. In terms of being strong and standing up for yourself... why not write a list of all the annoying, crazy, hurtful things that he did and you put up with in the relationship (including the way you currently feel). Then write a list of things you want in a future relationship and aren't prepared to sacrifice anything for - maybe honesty/trust etc. Then work out some stuff YOU want to do. When you're about to do something like go out with friends or call someone take a step back for a moment and look at in a third person point of view 'if I was me, would I REALLY like to go rollerblading/have dinner/grab a movie etc...' if the answer is yes, then go do it. If the answer is nah, or not sure... then don't. Conciously put YOURSELF first above other people. Hope that helps! (also give yourself time to feel crappy yep everyone goes through it but know that you will get through it).
Author CosmoBella Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 You're great with advice bella_girl. It felt good in a way that I hurt him it gave me a little boost. I had a smile on my face (not nice, I know)... The list has help I wrote it down at work it was a long list of dislikes and I came to the point where I accepted the break up. That him breaking up with me was a good turning point in my life... I still miss him, he had a thing about dedicating songs to me so when I hear them I remember him and quickly change the station or skip to a new song. I get the whole put ME first. It's been a while that I do what I want I tend to go out not to be stuck at home so I wont be alone with my heartbreak and my thoughts. I feel that now that I accepted that the man I will always love was mentally and emotionally destructive to my life. I will always miss him but I cant mope anymore. I can't let him "win" in a sense. I need to love me first and foremost. I thank you Bella_girl for giving me the encouraging words that I needed to hear. I know I'll be back to posting my break down some day but I feel okay. I know he will never call again or have any communication with me. Why should he? He left me.
Author CosmoBella Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 You need to think about what you want from this relationship. If and when you do, then make the decision, not before. It's all part of growing up and learning about yourself and your needs. There is no relationship anymore. And I did learn that I deserve better and a healthier person in my life. But now its just good to learn who I am on my own...
Recommended Posts