sb129 Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Hey there, I need some angles on this one. A few months ago I got out of a relationship I had been trying to get out of for about a year. Things turned pretty nasty. I tried to be nice etc, but being friends isn't possible, esp after some of the crazy things that my ex has been doing- I have had to get my number and locks changed. He has also been harassing my friends to "warn" them about how much of a B***H I am. (as if they care- they are glad I got out of a very destructive relationship) Anyway- met a new guy online a few weeks ago. He lives in a different town to me and we have met up a couple of times in different locations.. he has met some of my friends, and things are going REALLY well. (we both live thousands of miles away from our home country, we meet online and realise out families know eachother- wow!) He is coming to see me where I live this weekend. Its a very small town, and chances are we may bump into my ex, who is likely to cause a huge scene if we do. I have warned the new guy, who says its cool. My ex has been accsuing me of sleeping around with all and sundry for ages, (which I have NOT been doing) I am pretty sure he doesn't actually know for sure that I am dating again. Do I owe him the courtesy of telling him (risking a huge outburst and crazy behaviour?) or should we just avoid anywhere he is likely to be?
the_alchemyst Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I don't think anything that you do now is any of his business. You are not together anymore, and it doesn't even seem like you two are friends, so I don't see why you would want to tell him. He will most likely accuse you of "sleeping around" again--he may just start bombarding you with insults and spread even more malicious rumours. Also, I don't see the need to try to "avoid" him. Just go on your date to wherever you feel like going, have fun, and enjoy yourself (and him). If you run into the ex, then you'll run into the ex. I don't think you need to circumvent your evening for your ex, and much need to inform him of what you do and don't do.
magichands Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I don't think anything that you do now is any of his business. I agree totally.
Walk Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Having had a "crazy" ex like the one you just described... What a hassle. I dont' feel you owe your ex any explaination as to what you are doing with your life. Don't even give him the time of day. If you were to tell him, then your ex would twist is all around and it would just feed into whatever delusional fantasies he has floating in his head. My other suggestion.. Which is contrary to Alchemist's. Avoid where your ex may be. Don't limit your fun, or hole yourself up and make youreslf miserable trying to avoid him... but if you know for a fact that the ex always goes to such and such a bar on saturday nights, then choose some where else to go. Or if he's known for three different places, then choose a more out of the way location. THe last thing you need on your date is a crazy ex making your new guy uncomfortable, and dredging up feelings of animosity in you. It's supposed to be a fun time. I know when I started dating again, my ex seemed to be Everywhere I went. I'd go places or do things that I was sure he wouldn't be at, but he'd still end up there. I think because he knew me well enough that he knew I liked doing those things. Things he refused to do while with me... go figure. But suddenly he was crawling all over the places he hated while we were together. So I started going to out of town places. On the out skirts of town and stuff. At least for the first few months. I wanted to enjoy dating the guy I was seeing without the edgy, agitated feeling I got when I saw the ex. Plus it was creeping my date out.
Author sb129 Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 Thanks guys. That is brilliant advice, and confirms what I was thinking too.
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