luvstarved Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I know this is a stupid question even while I am asking it. My H and I have been going through a lot of various issues and I have recently started to contemplate divorce. It is so difficult to get along together that my mind is going from desperately trying to make things better to just wanting all the pain and madness to STOP no matter what it takes. There isn't any affair or drug abuse or alcoholism. There has been some verbal abuse both to me and the kids. It has happened off and on over the years in phases and is on again right now. We have been married 10 years. My H has no idea that I am seriously thinking about asking for a divorce although it should not come as any surprise to him. It will though. Anyway, what I WANT to know is how to decide. I know there isn't a one size fits all or a magic formula or crystal ball, etc. But in a situation in which you are basically unhappy because you feel unloved and your needs are not being met...how is it possible to evaluate whether you would be happier on your own? I really can't imagine what it would be like! For all the madness and lack of fulfillment, it also seems better than nothing somehow. So I guess what I would really like is to hear from people in similar situation where you weren't being left or seriously abused or cheated on or dealing with addictions and all those big issues, who decided to leave anyway...do you think you made the right choice??? I have been in several live in relationships and married once before. I have in each case agonized over this but admit that I was glad in the end that I left. It was always about general unhappiness so I wonder if I can be happy with anyone! What I am missing is a truly close supportive and most of all intimate (I partly mean sexual fulfillment but mostly mean honesty and openness and trust) relationship with someone. If I left him because I don't want to settle for less, what's to say I would ever really find it anywhere? My H is selfish and has anger issues too. I have tried to work on the intimacy and at times it seems we are getting somewhere. But then the difficulties begin again and my biggest complaint is that he is unwilling to accept his share of the responsibilty in all this. I don't mean that I am trying to cast all the blame on him, but he does need to work on his anger and he sees it more as the rest of us have to avoid making him angry. ANyway any thoughts are appreciated.
dgiirl Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Seems you've been through this many times in the past and hopefully you are starting to realize that a lifelong commitment takes hard work. No relationship is going to be 100% blissful all the time. You are going to have some rough patches. Have you ever gone to counselling? I think it could be very beneficial for you and your husband to get counselling, and if he refuses to go, then atleast _you_ need to go. You cannot keep running forever and if there's something a therapist can do to help, i think it's your responsibility to atleast try it.
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