Guest Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I am in my late 20s and have always lived with my heart behind a brick wall. Then I meet MM about 3 months ago. We would find excuses to talk to each other at work. We built a friendship. I was transfered to another state and a week before I left we took our friendship to the next level. I left town, but we are still in communication. I look forward to hearing his voice everyday! My head says to stop, but my heart does not want to listen. Then he tells me that he considers me to be his best friend and that he loves me. I say thank you. He has completely shattered the wall. My question is: how do I keep my heart from breaking more than it already is? (I realize that it is a corny question, but my friends don't understand, and was hoping someone here would.)
Jane Doe Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 You need to get your heart back behind that brick wall ASAP as far as this guy is concerned. The things he told you must come from a book all married men read. I daresay every OW on this forum has heard the exact same lines. You're headed down a long and painful path. Turn around now before you get in so far you can't find your way out.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 That's just it - there are plenty of us here who understand - and you probably won't like what we have to say. I'm sorry to tell you, but it's all just smoke and mirrors, hon. That wall you talk about? It's so easy to think the MM tore it down -- or even shattered it. You want so bad to be open to love and that deep friendship and all that other stuff you THINK you feel with him. Is it possible you feel you don't really deserve all that and so you think the only way you're going to get it is if it's really not meant for you, or that you're always destined to be second best? Of course, it could be deeply subconscious and you don't even realize it. (hence the "wall"). Aarghhh...I'm at a loss for words - there are so many here that are better at expressing this than me.... I apologize if I'm just reflecting my own experience onto yours. But just stop and think. All that butterfly-in-the-stomach, sweaty-palm feeling you get with him....just realize that that is what you want. And there are so many opportunities for that out there - IF you don't tie your heart to someone who is not only spoken for, but someone who would betray the person they supposedly vowed to love forever. I'm sorry if I'm not making sense. I just get so frustrated when I see someone settling for less than they deserve -- because that's exactly what I did. And I know I'm better than that. And so are you.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 My question is: how do I keep my heart from breaking more than it already is? (I realize that it is a corny question, but my friends don't understand, and was hoping someone here would.) When you put your heart out there, you make yourself vulnerable...and in our situations there are not alot of happy endings...there is no way to keep your heart from breaking more...it will continue to happen as long as you continue to love this man...try and find some peace within yourself...best wishes to you...GEL
norajane Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 You want so bad to be open to love and that deep friendship and all that other stuff you THINK you feel with him. Is it possible you feel you don't really deserve all that and so you think the only way you're going to get it is if it's really not meant for you, or that you're always destined to be second best? Of course, it could be deeply subconscious and you don't even realize it. (hence the "wall"). You might also (subconsciously) be taking that even further...in order to believe that someone really loves you, he must go the extra mile to prove it...and wow, a MM who would forsake his vows and his Wife for little old you must really, really love you... Unfortunately, it doesn't mean a damn thing except that he's willing to cheat on his wife and lie to both of you in order to get exactly what he wants - a wife and a life with her, including family, and someone liek you who will agree to sit on the sidelines and be there for him when he wants a little extra. You deserve a lot more than a partial relationship. You deserve someone who is all yours. You deserve a lot better than this. Step back and walk away from this now while you still have a heart, before you spend months and years of your life waiting in vain for his marriage to dissolve. You just moved to a new place - get out there and meet someone who can be all yours and who can treat your heart with care.
frannie Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I am in my late 20s and have always lived with my heart behind a brick wall. Then I meet MM about 3 months ago. We would find excuses to talk to each other at work. We built a friendship. I was transfered to another state and a week before I left we took our friendship to the next level. I left town, but we are still in communication. I look forward to hearing his voice everyday! My head says to stop, but my heart does not want to listen. Then he tells me that he considers me to be his best friend and that he loves me. I say thank you. He has completely shattered the wall. My question is: how do I keep my heart from breaking more than it already is? (I realize that it is a corny question, but my friends don't understand, and was hoping someone here would.) Do you think you 'opened up' your heart to a MM because on some level it's a 'safe' option..? ie. he's unlikely to become available for a full relationship? I know that that was a factor in my getting involved with a MM, and from your first sentence, that would make sense. Your heart evidently wants to be open, and to share love with someone...but whatever it is that's stopping you doing that needs to be examined (I think). All that being in an affair will do is keep you busy worrying about other things and not addressing your main issues... and taking down those walls naturally, with the right person. Well, that's just my take on it.
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