Bamboot Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Hi, I'm new to LoveShack, but I've read enough to see the therapies and benefits it can offer. Hopefully my views will enlighten some. My situation: 4 years ago, I worked in the same industry as this guy, whom I was strangely attracted to, it's not that he was particularly good-looking, but there was this force drawing me to him. I took matters into my own hands and asked him out to dinner, he politely told me he was flattered, but declined my invitation because he had a girlfriend. So I grabbed the next best thing (big mistake) and went on with my life. Let's move ahead 4 years to earlier this year, when I moved back to the town that he still lives in. Whenever we'd see each other, sparks were flying and we were SO happy to see each other. He flirted like no other and the connection between us was growing each time we saw each other. To the point where I asked myself if he was single, so when he drove me home, one night, I obviously invited him in for a drink, where I found out that he wasn't single (with 2 kids), but still told me he was attracted to me and layed the moves on. Due to my better judgement, I proceeded to kick him out. That was 3 months ago, since then things have progressed, we met again in dark corners and our attraction got the best of our better judgement. We shared amazing moments and still, the connection grew. He left her in order to get some perspective on what he wanted, he wasn't happy with her (obviously, if he's outsourcing sex). We got together and spent a wonderful night. He proceeded to tell me that I should guard my feelings (after I prompted the question) as he wasn't sure what he wanted. To wrap this up, after a week, he decided to go back with his girlfriend. We love each other very much, I'm very aware that I fell in love with him and I have my suspicions that he is too (we haven't gone to the extent of fully expressing our feelings, du to circumstances) and I understand that if things aren't meant to be, they aren't meant to be, or the timing isn't there, but how do you accept the demise of something that feels so right, but can't be? How do you not torture yourself? Is it possible to maintain a friendship through love and broken hearts?
norajane Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 No, it's actually not possible to maintain a friendship in your situation. You'll constantly be hopeful that he's going to turn to you again, or that he's going to leave her, or whatever. Your heart will constantly be on the line. Not only that, your heart will be unavailable to a and not open to any other guy who can actually give you what you seek - the love of a good man who isn't already involved with another. It's a losing proposition no matter how you look at it.
Author Bamboot Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 I was afraid of that... thanks, it's nice to hear from an objective perspective.
Jane Doe Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Hi, We love each other very much, That may be, but his loyalties are with his girlfriend. You need to accept this and move on. Hanging around will only make you a side dish.
Author Bamboot Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 Well, I beleive you are both wrong... We had drinks last night and talked about the situation. We agreed that we both fell in love and we'll always be fond of each other, but we certainely won't be lovers. I deserve WAY more than that. We do enjoy each other's company and I'd much rather get through this difficult period with having to quit him cold turkey. I told him that I was gonna have to and he understood. We proceeded to have a nice evening listening to blues and I was actually able to honestly flirt with other guys at the table and developed a genuine interest in one of them. I figure if I can do that with him sitting next to me, I'm on the road to getting over it. If feels good, I got closure and I'm not nearly as devestated as I thought I would be, actually a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders. We're all strong enough to deal with the cards that are dealt to us. I didn't think I was gonna be able to see him without feeling that twinge of pain in my heart. All I had to do was come to terms with the situation (it helped that he told me that he was happy at home and that's where he wants to be) and turn my negative feelings into positive ones. That way I can still appreciate a wonderful guy and still be appreciated, in a totally platonic fashion. Out of sight out of mind works, but takes longer, I for one, have no patience for that kind of stuff, so I takle it on, deal with it, and move on.
Author Bamboot Posted November 14, 2006 Author Posted November 14, 2006 Well, I beleive I owe an apology to you two (she says, he tail between her legs.) I was most definitely hanging on to him. You have to understand that this is by far the most powerful connection I've had with a man and I'm having a really hard time dealing with the fact that I have to let it go. My head and my heart are in a constant battle.
Ssheena Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Unrequited love is nooo fun. Sorry you are having a hard time with this - join the club.
Jane Doe Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Bamboot, it's okay. We're just speaking as the voice of experience. I can understand how hard it is to let go but you must. If he truly loved you and wanted to be with you, he would. Period. I know it's hard to accept but it's the truth.
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