Fun2BMe Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 My bf is away on a long trip and it has turned me into a wreck. As of last Friday I stopped taking his calls because how hurt I feel at his absence. He called twice Fri and At least 4 times/day since then including 5 times by afternoon today at which point he was getting worried about me. He then sent an email askig I respond just so he knows I'm ok. I feared he'd start contacting family or get too worried so I sent a quick response that I'm not doing too well and am not in the mood to talk. Now I feel a little guilty yet I feel too upset to talk to him. He doesn't even know how upset I am at the fact he is gone and might think I am either seeing someone else or don't care about him. I don't know what to do. I wish I worded my email more sensitively but I saw him calling again and sent it before editing anything. I was hoping he'd respond or call back to inquire about what exactly is bothering me but he hasn't so now I'm upset too. I don't want to sound too dependent by telling him what's really bothering me, so I am trying to think of an excuse but I feel like I am making the situation worse. Any advice?? Do I call acting chearful like nothing happened or call and get mad at him that he's away for so long without me? I don't know what to do.
magichands Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 He doesn't even know how upset I am at the fact he is gone and might think I am either seeing someone else or don't care about him. I don't know what to do. Why is he away?
alphamale Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Any advice?? Do I call acting chearful like nothing happened or call and get mad at him that he's away for so long without me? I don't know what to do. how's about u call him and tell him the situation in a calm and collected manner without getting mad. would that be possible?
Pyro Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 My bf is away on a long trip and it has turned me into a wreck. As of last Friday I stopped taking his calls because how hurt I feel at his absence. He called twice Fri and At least 4 times/day since then including 5 times by afternoon today at which point he was getting worried about me. He then sent an email askig I respond just so he knows I'm ok. I feared he'd start contacting family or get too worried so I sent a quick response that I'm not doing too well and am not in the mood to talk. Now I feel a little guilty yet I feel too upset to talk to him. He doesn't even know how upset I am at the fact he is gone and might think I am either seeing someone else or don't care about him. I don't know what to do. I wish I worded my email more sensitively but I saw him calling again and sent it before editing anything. I was hoping he'd respond or call back to inquire about what exactly is bothering me but he hasn't so now I'm upset too. I don't want to sound too dependent by telling him what's really bothering me, so I am trying to think of an excuse but I feel like I am making the situation worse. Any advice?? Do I call acting chearful like nothing happened or call and get mad at him that he's away for so long without me? I don't know what to do. Ignoring his calls and emails won't solve anything, so at least respond to those. To really have a nice long serious talk, you are going to have to wait for him to come home. Having that talk over the phone or email is not the right way to go. Just tell him that you are ok but when he gets back, the two of you need to talk.
Author Fun2BMe Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 Why is he away? It is a long business trip. He has already been awan 1 1/2 weeks and it will be another 2 weeks. I am to pick him up at the airport to spend the day in 2 weeks, the same day to take him back to the airport for another 10 day trip he has at a different location for work.
Author Fun2BMe Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 how's about u call him and tell him the situation in a calm and collected manner without getting mad. would that be possible? No not really. That's why I've avoided talking to him all this time. I feel so upset that I am planning on telling him I won't be able to pick him up at the airport when he gets back but then I wonder if I will regret saying that along with everything else so I am trying to not talk to him to avoid making things worse. But not talking to him is making it worse too. He never responded to my email that I am not in the talking mood with him and he stopped calling since. Now I feel worried.
Author Fun2BMe Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 Ignoring his calls and emails won't solve anything, so at least respond to those. To really have a nice long serious talk, you are going to have to wait for him to come home. Having that talk over the phone or email is not the right way to go. Just tell him that you are ok but when he gets back, the two of you need to talk. But so far I resopnded to one of his emails and it made it worse. I'm scared if I talk to him I'll make things even more worse because of how upset I am at him. Yet not talking to him at all I can imagine how upset he must now be feeling. All I've been thinking about is my feelings and how he hurts them but I am beginning to wonder if he too is feeling hurt right now. Then I think if he was he wouldn't be leaving me for so long, that he deserves to feel hurt too. I don't know I'm so confused. I don't think I can wait 2 more weeks to talk to him in person the way things are suddenly so strained right now.
Pyro Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 But so far I resopnded to one of his emails and it made it worse. I'm scared if I talk to him I'll make things even more worse because of how upset I am at him. Yet not talking to him at all I can imagine how upset he must now be feeling. All I've been thinking about is my feelings and how he hurts them but I am beginning to wonder if he too is feeling hurt right now. Then I think if he was he wouldn't be leaving me for so long, that he deserves to feel hurt too. I don't know I'm so confused. I don't think I can wait 2 more weeks to talk to him in person the way things are suddenly so strained right now. Let him know that you are at least alive. Like I said, hold back your anger and tell him that you are alright but let him know that you want to talk to him when he gets back. Use these two weeks to think about what you need to say to him when he gets back. Think about it and even write it out. Its obvious that the two of you need to talk.
Art_Critic Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I don't think I can wait 2 more weeks to talk to him in person the way things are suddenly so strained right now. Does he know that things are suddenly strained right now ?
magichands Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 It is a long business trip. He has already been awan 1 1/2 weeks and it will be another 2 weeks. I am to pick him up at the airport to spend the day in 2 weeks, the same day to take him back to the airport for another 10 day trip he has at a different location for work. You're almost as neurotic as me!! Sounds like it's his job to be away. Is the problem more that you want a SO that is around most of the time? It's not really fair to be mad at him, is it? I mean, you knew about his lifestyle before youse two got involved?! I say you play dead. Tell your family to say they haven't heard from you. Maybe he'll rush back into your arms.
alphamale Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Does he know that things are suddenly strained right now ? from my past experience with females...he most likely does not.
Author Fun2BMe Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 from my past experience with females...he most likely does not. I can't tell if you're joking or being serious. Why else would he think I"m being so upset and avoiding him? I flat out told him in the email I wasn't feeling so good. I can't believe he didn't call or write back, he's just leaving me alone now after calling me nonstop for all those days. I don't get it.
alphamale Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I can't tell if you're joking or being serious. i'm being serious... You're almost as neurotic as me!! unfortunately, logic and emotion don't make good bedfellows.
Author Fun2BMe Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 Does he know that things are suddenly strained right now ? Well what else would he think? He was calling me twice a day up until Thursday when we'd talk and as of Friday I had enough of his absence and stopped taking his calls and today emailed back that I wasn't in the mood to talk to him, that I wasn't feeling well. Does he not want to talk to find out the details? He just stops calling and doesn't even email back. Now I am nervous.
Author Fun2BMe Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 Sounds like it's his job to be away. Is the problem more that you want a SO that is around most of the time? I think I'm especially upset this time because he always says I can come visit him when he goes away but then he leaves and doesn't invite me. I'm really fed up. If he's ok being apart, then I'm not going to be inviting myself or remind him that hello, I'm not with you don't you want to see me type of a conversation. I feel like he leaves me behind and then expects things to be ok. I have a hard time with him telling me all the things he is doing, the fact he's able to function while I feel so miserable that he is not here. It doesn't seem or feel right. And then he leaves me a million messages, wondering if I'm too busy working to call or too busy with various things, never crossing his mind that I'm mad he's away. It is really tearing me apart.
norajane Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Sorry, Fun, but you created this situation - this is entirely YOU and has nothing to do with your bf. - He called constantly and you ignored his calls. - He asked you to at least send an email so he'd know you were ok. - You sent an email saying you weren't in the mood to talk. - He received your email, read that you weren't in the mood to talk, so now he is not calling because you said you weren't in the mood to talk. He has NO IDEA why you don't want to talk, has no idea that you are upset with him, has no idea that you are freaking out about his being away, and has no idea that you are now freaking out about him not trying to call you again. Once again, you are failing to express yourself and communicate your feelings. Once again, because you aren't communicating well, you are creating problems in your head that have no basis in reality. Once again, because of the things you are imagining, you are imagining the worst of your bf. Have you made that call to a therapist yet?
magichands Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 It is really tearing me apart. Alpha's right...you need to tell him how you're feeling. Maybe it would be better to write it all down first - so that it doesn't end up being a screaming tirade.
Walk Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 He's clueless Fun.. He's taking you completely at face value. At least, that's my experience with men. You told him you don't want to talk, so he's not calling to talk. Deep breath kiddo! You're ok. My bf's gone 5 days a week, every week. But we talk on the phone every day... And when I'm upset and feeling like things are "strained" he's usually clueless. I had to clue him in on the signs of impending doom... otherwise he just thought I wanted more space and called less often. I know you said you're upset that he didnt' invite you with him.. So why didn't you tell him that? I'm not really sure why you're mad though. I can understand hurt. But why are you mad? And what about him being away is causing you so much pain? What's really going through your head right now? Is it questions of "what if"? What would you tell him if you did feel comfortable talking to him right now?
tanbark813 Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I flat out told him in the email I wasn't feeling so good. I can't believe he didn't call or write back, he's just leaving me alone now after calling me nonstop for all those days. I don't get it. When you ignore people, they generally stop contacting you. You sound like you just want to ruin his trip.
Author Fun2BMe Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 He has NO IDEA why you don't want to talk, has no idea that you are upset with him, has no idea that you are freaking out about his being away, and has no idea that you are now freaking out about him not trying to call you again. That's so hard to really believe though. Have you made that call to a therapist yet? I want to but first I want to tell him that it's his fault I haven't when I'm this unhappy because he keeps telling me I don't need to, sending me mixed messages when on the other hand he introduces me to a therapist. I can't take it any more.
Author Fun2BMe Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 He's clueless Fun.. He's taking you completely at face value. At least, that's my experience with men. You told him you don't want to talk, so he's not calling to talk. But if he really cared and loved me, wouldn't he want to know what is bothering me instead of once he finds out I'm upset, it's at that point he stops contacting me. I am feeling more and mor hurt by the minute. I am missing my night class sitting here by the phone in case he calls. If he doesn't tonight I will be a real wreck. I know you said you're upset that he didnt' invite you with him.. So why didn't you tell him that? As I mentioned, I'm scared to come across as too needy if I tell him this. It bothers me just as much that he is ok with not inviting me whereas I feel why am I the only one who wants to be with him. Why does he keep telling me that he misses me every time he calls when actions speak louder and he's not asking me to be with him. And what about him being away is causing you so much pain? What's really going through your head right now? Is it questions of "what if"? What would you tell him if you did feel comfortable talking to him right now? I feel like how could he be ok with being away from me for so long. How can he be doing all this work and going to meetings and functioning while I'm not. It tells me I'm the only one who is missing him, that maybe he doesn't really love me or else he wouldn't be leaving me behind. I don't know how I would ever be able to tell him these things. Then I start to wonder if it's because he is with another woman there otherwise how could he be ok with being away from me.
Author Fun2BMe Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 When you ignore people, they generally stop contacting you. You sound like you just want to ruin his trip. He's the one ruining my life by going away. He sounds just fine when I talk to him. I don't think I'm ruining his trip in any way.
allina Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 He's the one ruining my life by going away. He sounds just fine when I talk to him. I don't think I'm ruining his trip in any way. Whoa. He's ruining your life by going on a business trip, which I'm guessing he has to do for work??!
whichwayisup Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Fun, you need to take a breath of air here and relax. He is on a business trip, work related! This isn't about him going off and being with someone else. He is getting paid, it's his job. Hon, it's not about you!! He is busy working and when he finds the time, he calls you! To be honest, i think you're making alot of assumptions which is making you freak out and feel insecure. Bottom line - And I keep saying this...You don't trust him because of your previous actions...He knows that something isn't right in the relationship, he knows you're unhappy...YOU need to tell him why. Until this happens, your rollercoaster ride of mistrust isn't going to end. He can't read your mind. You gotta open up because if you don't, this relationship WILL end - Not because you cheated on him, but because you're closing down and acting all over the map with him. The push/pull, come here, go away thing will get too much until he gets fed up and says enough!
magichands Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 He is on a business trip, work related! This isn't about him going off and being with someone else. I think Fun2BMe has a point - he did say he would take her with him, and he hasn't followed through on that "promise" (if that's what it was). But it's definitely a lack of communication that has drifted us to where we are.
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