Rooster_DAR Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 I just wanted to post his stating that N/C has worked in my favor. I just posted the details of my situation on the thread under second chances "She wants to reconcile!". LS members are right, the N/C does work. Maybe not all the time, but it worked here. Cheers!
pjammer Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Glad to hear it worked for you...I am hoping the same thing. How exactly did it work? And how long did it take?
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 Glad to hear it worked for you...I am hoping the same thing. How exactly did it work? And how long did it take? Well, I honestly thought it was the end for the simple fact I was damn short of begging her not break our relationship up, crying and crap. I finally swallowed my tears and regained the little dignity I had left and basically dissapeared from her and anybody she was associated with. Besides, she was in the middle of an emotional affair with a co-worker, so there is nothing you can do anyway. I did not hear from her for almost 3 months, and 2 weeks before my birthday, I received a card from her. The stated she missed me terribly, she's sorry, and she loves me. I basically filed the card away and ignored it. After a few weeks I decided it was time for me to to the house and pick up the rest of my things, that is where she proceeded to come clean with everthing. She cried and was forthcoming (or so it seems) about everthing that happened and accepted most of the responsibility for it. She also stated that I was her true love and she does not want to go on without me, but I am still very skeptical. N/C seems to work, and I can tell you should I have kept pursuing and bugging her, it most surely would have been the end. Cya
pjammer Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Well, I honestly thought it was the end for the simple fact I was damn short of begging her not break our relationship up, crying and crap. I finally swallowed my tears and regained the little dignity I had left and basically dissapeared from her and anybody she was associated with. Besides, she was in the middle of an emotional affair with a co-worker, so there is nothing you can do anyway. I did not hear from her for almost 3 months, and 2 weeks before my birthday, I received a card from her. The stated she missed me terribly, she's sorry, and she loves me. I basically filed the card away and ignored it. After a few weeks I decided it was time for me to to the house and pick up the rest of my things, that is where she proceeded to come clean with everthing. She cried and was forthcoming (or so it seems) about everthing that happened and accepted most of the responsibility for it. She also stated that I was her true love and she does not want to go on without me, but I am still very skeptical. N/C seems to work, and I can tell you should I have kept pursuing and bugging her, it most surely would have been the end. Cya thanks for the advice, and again, I am happy for you that she wanted to work it out. I am trying to stay positive about my situation. We dated for 8 months, and I know that I love her, I would do anything for her. Even though it is SO hard to not have any contact with her, I know I have to stick to my guns, and hope for the best. If she still cares about me, I would hope that she would find it in her heart to give me a second chance...
pjammer Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 And I can tell you that if she does come around and is willing to give us another chance, you people on here will be the first to hear about it. I am so grateful for ALL of the advice I have been giving. Because had I not come on here, I would probably be continuing to beg her, contact her, and trying to push this relationship on her. But I have realized that it was MY fault, that it has to be her decision, and that leaving her alone is the best thing to do.
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 One thing to bear in mind here I forgot to mention, I really did move on and I am still considering not going back to her. The N/C was for my benefit, not hers and I let go of her almost entirely. Yes, there were thoughts in the back of my mind about reconciling, but I have been mentally disconnected from her for a while. As I said, I really am not sure of anything other than I will continue to take care of myself first. If she really is sincere, I think I will see it on her part without my having to put so much effort into it at first. Regards,
Davis Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 Pjammer. Total NC is the only way to go. You have to. You have to go on some dates even if you don't want to. You have to change your energy. It took about 5 weeks till we were in contact again. She saw me out with another woman and that really shook her up and she sent me an email. So we've seen each other a couple of times. Rooster, I'm skeptical too. She wants to try again, go slow and see what happens.
alphamale Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 of course NC works if implemented correctly (which it usually isn't)
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 Pjammer. Total NC is the only way to go. You have to. You have to go on some dates even if you don't want to. You have to change your energy. It took about 5 weeks till we were in contact again. She saw me out with another woman and that really shook her up and she sent me an email. So we've seen each other a couple of times. Rooster, I'm skeptical too. She wants to try again, go slow and see what happens. Yup, and if my feeling is right it will go nowhere. I will let it ride and see what happens, but statistics don't lie and I think the chances are of this things working out are slim at best. Good luck!
Tormented Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 N/C seems to work, and I can tell you should I have kept pursuing and bugging her, it most surely would have been the end. I don't know...SOME things are hard to forget and forgive no matter how much the ex begs. I guess we all have our set bounderies as to what we will or won't tolerate, and once that boundary has been violated, the trust has been badly damaged, sometimes permanently so, making a reconciliation impossible. My ex crossed the line...BIG time. No matter how much I miss him, or cared for him, the truth is that I would never trust him again. So why bother? Without trust, you've got nothing. I wish you luck, Rooster, but approach with upmost caution. I've no doubt you will...you've got a good head on your shoulders. ~T~
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 I think I can learn to trust someone again, it takes effort on their end and myself to be willing to be vulnerable again (or never trust again). We did everything together, and we had so much in common is almost sickening. Although I know love can be replaced, I really feel some things we had together (before the drama that is) cannot be replaced. Even with that said, I still am very skeptical about whether I can go back to her or not. I guess I really need to decide for myself, do I want to risk this whole thing again or move on and risk it with someone else? Regardless of who it's with, you really never know what is going to happen with anyone you are with, and considering the amount of time we spent together it may warrant at least slight (very slight) consideration. I will stand strong and not jump right back into things, but instead stand back and watch with great caution and base my judgement on rationale, not emotion. WTF am I saying? damn I falling for this crap and don't even realize it. (my braind hurts) EOT Cheers!
alphamale Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 WTF am I saying? damn I falling for this crap and don't even realize it. dude...you're not thinking objectively.
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 dude...you're not thinking objectively. **ck I know.
alphamale Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 **ck I know. you need to make her beg and plead and come to you on her hands and knees. and you need to drag it out over a long period of time. that is the only way you can tell she is totally sincere. anything less and you'lll get burned...again.
Tormented Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I guess I really need to decide for myself, do I want to risk this whole thing again or move on and risk it with someone else? Regardless of who it's with, you really never know what is going to happen with anyone you are with, True enough, but there's a BIG difference between trusting somebody who has already PROVEN they CAN hurt you, and somebody different who has NOT hurt you and worthy of giving a chance. I'm not saying that we shouldn't trust AT ALL...I'm saying that we need to practice GREAT caution with those who HAVE hurt us. Me? Depending upon what it was that they did to hurt me, I have a hard time trusting them again. Doesn't mean I will NEVER trust them, but it would take a long time before I could...if ever. With somebody new, I'm entering a clean slate with them...no trust issues, no hurt, no mistrust. Unless, of course, they do something to destroy it. Do you understand what I'm saying here? ~T~
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 True enough, but there's a BIG difference between trusting somebody who has already PROVEN they CAN hurt you, and somebody different who has NOT hurt you and worthy of giving a chance. I'm not saying that we shouldn't trust AT ALL...I'm saying that we need to practice GREAT caution with those who HAVE hurt us. Me? Depending upon what it was that they did to hurt me, I have a hard time trusting them again. Doesn't mean I will NEVER trust them, but it would take a long time before I could...if ever. With somebody new, I'm entering a clean slate with them...no trust issues, no hurt, no mistrust. Unless, of course, they do something to destroy it. Do you understand what I'm saying here? ~T~ Absolutely, and that is a very good mindset. Thanks
Tormented Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Absolutely, and that is a very good mindset. Thanks It's your decision as to what you want to do, Rooster, and those that care about you will respect it. I just don't want to see you get hurt is all. You've helped so many people here and you've got a good heart. Protect it well! ~T~
D-Lish Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 you need to make her beg and plead and come to you on her hands and knees. and you need to drag it out over a long period of time. that is the only way you can tell she is totally sincere. anything less and you'lll get burned...again. My ex came back after 2 months, was waiting outside my place when I came home from work one day. Completely caught me off guard- it was the first peep I had heard from him since the break up. I told him I had plans (I did) and couldn't talk right then, but wanted to talk to him and would contact him arrange a time.... I did contact him two days later and told him I wanted to meet for coffee, and well guess what? He blew me off after that.... again. Just sent me a two word e-mail "too late".... So where did that leave me? Pretty much back at square one. At first I thought I had blown it by not dropping everything and taking him back into my life. But I realize now that he obviously wasn't sincere. I agree R... if she truly wants you back, she really needs to make a concerted effort to make things up to you and show you her sincerity. Good luck with your decision. D
Guest Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Ya, I've tried the nc thing,but my story is a little different. He left me for his ex gf, who he claimed he never would marry because she had too many things about her he didn't like. He said he loved me more than her. Then one day she said, "I've changed, can we get back together?" And he fell for it. Still, I was thinking that he would come to me, since he professed his love to me. But, now they are getting married this weekend. And, they only got back together last month. So..... Not only that, but now he is pissed off at me when I texted him to say congratulations on his upcoming wedding and said he would get a restraining order if I didn't leave him alone! Wow, in this case there is not choice but to do NC. I can't imagine this marriage working out. They dated a year and a half, but broke up many times during that time and all they did was fight and complain about each other. Now they say they are "madly in love with each other".
alphamale Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I agree R... if she truly wants you back, she really needs to make a concerted effort to make things up to you and show you her sincerity. Good luck with your decision. D so do you agree with me D-LISH?
ralph124c Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Rooster, you said: "I will stand strong and not jump right back into things, but instead stand back and watch with great caution and base my judgement on rationale, not emotion." One thing I can say is, that's very probably deluding yourself. I don't think it's possible. I tried this recently, and really though I was being strong, level-headed, going slowly, in control etc. I was, on the surface, but inside I was just being emotionally hooked again, almost by stealth, without even realizing it. One minute I was in control etc., and the next an emotional wreck and totally vulnerable to all she put me through. And that state is hard to gt rid of! Now I'm hoping we can both stick by NC -- she still has some of my stuff but I don;t even care. If she doesn't return it through the mail or something, that's her own bad karma!
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 Rooster, you said: "I will stand strong and not jump right back into things, but instead stand back and watch with great caution and base my judgement on rationale, not emotion." One thing I can say is, that's very probably deluding yourself. I don't think it's possible. I tried this recently, and really though I was being strong, level-headed, going slowly, in control etc. I was, on the surface, but inside I was just being emotionally hooked again, almost by stealth, without even realizing it. One minute I was in control etc., and the next an emotional wreck and totally vulnerable to all she put me through. And that state is hard to gt rid of! Now I'm hoping we can both stick by NC -- she still has some of my stuff but I don;t even care. If she doesn't return it through the mail or something, that's her own bad karma! I don't disagree with this, and you are probably right. It's really tough but in the end I will need to make a decision, of course unless she changes her mind again and likes the branch she's hangin on. thanks for the input!
stanchain Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I was reading your thread DAR... and it seems like you are going through what I figured would happen if I do NC. If she ever does decide to come back would I be able to allow her. I mean you know me a lil.. and you know how much I have been pining over her... but after all you have been through... and a lot of us have been through... I wonder, is it worth it to open up those scabs after they have healed? I know it is different for me because I just started NC and such. But I do ask myself if I would even be willing to take her back if she walked in my door right now. I read a couple books though, and what all of them said is that if you really want to take her back. You have to do it slowly, almost like starting all over. Dont talk about the relationship.. and go from there
jusified Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Just think about if you really want this woman.
Anastasia0309 Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Does anyone ever wonder if their ex is or could find what they had with you with anyone else? I don't think I could. Actually, when I think about it.... about being with someone else it really wouldn't be the same. Some ways it's a good thing and some ways it's a bad thing. Since me and my Ex still love eachother. No doubt there just doubt about how much. But could a guy just see other girls and forget about the one he love? Then I think if he could do that then It wouldn't make it Love, Right?
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