Author pjammer Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 You know what your doing it seems Also don't think about it to much , your not 100% sure your going to get the meet up. Think about it when it's been arranged. I practiced everything i was going to do and i didn't even get it lol. But after that she seen me clubbing twice and i didn't pay any attention to her...ooops. and yeah let her direct the conversation , you got to know where her comfort level is. What i learnt is , when you plan things and try to guess how things are going to go it never does. But you seem to know how to talk and act with her anyway. Well I talked to her practically every single night for 8 months, so I do know how to talk to her. And you are right, there is no use planning or thinking about what might happen until it actually does happen. I find myself doing that, and it isnt doing me any good. Do I think she will want to meet-up in about a month? Yes. But obviously I cant be certain. I dont know why she wouldnt, it's not like I cheated on her or I am felon or anything. I made some mistakes like every single person in the entire world does. And even though they were unintentional, they hurt her. Nevertheless, you are right, dont worry about the future until it is there (atleast in this scenario). Right now, I just have to concentrate on myself, and hopefully everything else will work itself out. BTW, I really do appreciate your insight here....it means a lot to me to be able to talk to others who have been in similar situations. Sometimes I get so down on myself, I just break-down, and think about everything I did, and how I wished I could go back and change it for the better. Then I come here, get some advice, and I feel better about myself.
theadventure50120 Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Well I talked to her practically every single night for 8 months, so I do know how to talk to her. And you are right, there is no use planning or thinking about what might happen until it actually does happen. I find myself doing that, and it isnt doing me any good. Do I think she will want to meet-up in about a month? Yes. But obviously I cant be certain. I dont know why she wouldnt, it's not like I cheated on her or I am felon or anything. I made some mistakes like every single person in the entire world does. And even though they were unintentional, they hurt her. Nevertheless, you are right, dont worry about the future until it is there (atleast in this scenario). Right now, I just have to concentrate on myself, and hopefully everything else will work itself out. BTW, I really do appreciate your insight here....it means a lot to me to be able to talk to others who have been in similar situations. Sometimes I get so down on myself, I just break-down, and think about everything I did, and how I wished I could go back and change it for the better. Then I come here, get some advice, and I feel better about myself. I didn't do nothing wrong to my ex either , i just deleted her from everything to get her out my mind and she took it badly. But after she didn't want to meet up the first and the only time i asked i wasn't going to speak to her when she seen me out clubbing , i'm not her puppet. and i'm not one to talk , i lost it this time last week and phoned her. She wasn't angry just nervous but i shouldn't have done it. I'm just learning from my mistakes Now i'm doing fine and going out places with a new girl. But talking when your not together and when you are is completey strange , as you would know. As you can't say certain things , you have to think before you speak now. I've moved onto giving others advice instead of talking about my situation all the time , feels wierd Good luck. Sure you will do fine.
Author pjammer Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 I didn't do nothing wrong to my ex either , i just deleted her from everything to get her out my mind and she took it badly. But after she didn't want to meet up the first and the only time i asked i wasn't going to speak to her when she seen me out clubbing , i'm not her puppet. and i'm not one to talk , i lost it this time last week and phoned her. She wasn't angry just nervous but i shouldn't have done it. I'm just learning from my mistakes Now i'm doing fine and going out places with a new girl. But talking when your not together and when you are is completey strange , as you would know. As you can't say certain things , you have to think before you speak now. I've moved onto giving others advice instead of talking about my situation all the time , feels wierd Good luck. Sure you will do fine. Well I hope that she DOES want to meet up and realizes just how sorry I am for everything, and that I am doing everything I can to correct it. Im sorry your situation didnt work out, and I can tell you right now Im not exactly looking forward to talking to her, because it IS going to be different. Ill just have to suck it up, and be myself.
Kamille Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Well I hope that she DOES want to meet up and realizes just how sorry I am for everything, and that I am doing everything I can to correct it. Im sorry your situation didnt work out, and I can tell you right now Im not exactly looking forward to talking to her, because it IS going to be different. Ill just have to suck it up, and be myself. PJ, believe me - Do not contact her if for as long as this is how you feel. Talk to her when you know you will just be happy to talk to her, no matter the outcome. ok? promise? please? it might take a while but there is no emergency.
Author pjammer Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 PJ, believe me - Do not contact her if for as long as this is how you feel. Talk to her when you know you will just be happy to talk to her, no matter the outcome. ok? promise? please? it might take a while but there is no emergency. I know, I know, you're right. But I just cant help to feel that by me not talking/calling her for so long,she may be thinking I am just completely moving on, and she will just forget about me...That's why Id rather do it sooner than later. Like I said before, I will see where I am at at the end of the month. Hopefully, I will feel better about myself and this situation. I just cannot bear to lose her - I love her SO damn much, and the fact that this was ALL my fault makes it 10x worse, especially since I know I have changed, and realized my mistakes.
Author pjammer Posted November 16, 2006 Author Posted November 16, 2006 Pjammer I don't know when and how it will be right for you to ask for a second chance but I do believe you will get your second chance. Maybe faith will do the work for you and you two will run into each other somewhere down the line. Maybe you will have to approach her when you feel it is appropriate. Just believe you will know when to do the right thing. And make sure you feel great about yourself when you do and that you approach her because of the love that you two had, not because of the mistakes you made. In other words: be strong. I appreciate the positive words, but just wondering, why do you think I WILL get another chance? What is that based on? Just curious as to your thinking... Also, you are absolutely correct about HOW and WHY to approach her. I should approach her becuase of my love for her - NOT because of the mistakes Ive made. That comment you made definately gave me a new perspective on this.
Kamille Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 I appreciate the positive words, but just wondering, why do you think I WILL get another chance? What is that based on? Just curious as to your thinking... Also, you are absolutely correct about HOW and WHY to approach her. I should approach her becuase of my love for her - NOT because of the mistakes Ive made. That comment you made definately gave me a new perspective on this. I'm sorry pjammer. We both know I don't have a crystal ball. I'm afraid maybe my words were too strong. That said, I guess my logic was multiple. 1) I think what I meant is that you know you will eventually ask for a second chance, so there is no emergency, get better, let go and when the time is right, go for it. It could be in a few months, it could be in a few years. But you have to believe you deserve it. 2) It sounds like the two you really shared something special. She won't forget you. You're doing the right thing by focusing on yourself. That's why you have to approach her when you can take responsibility for your actions, when you feel like your old happy self again. I guess I said it because I believe you can do it. I also said you have to let go og her first. Lately I've been a firm believer of everything happens for a reason. I think you are learning a lot from this past relationship and even if things don't work out between you two in the end, you will never regret the process you are going through right now - even if it may seem hard right now.
Author pjammer Posted November 17, 2006 Author Posted November 17, 2006 I'm sorry pjammer. We both know I don't have a crystal ball. I'm afraid maybe my words were too strong. That said, I guess my logic was multiple. 1) I think what I meant is that you know you will eventually ask for a second chance, so there is no emergency, get better, let go and when the time is right, go for it. It could be in a few months, it could be in a few years. But you have to believe you deserve it. 2) It sounds like the two you really shared something special. She won't forget you. You're doing the right thing by focusing on yourself. That's why you have to approach her when you can take responsibility for your actions, when you feel like your old happy self again. I guess I said it because I believe you can do it. I also said you have to let go og her first. Lately I've been a firm believer of everything happens for a reason. I think you are learning a lot from this past relationship and even if things don't work out between you two in the end, you will never regret the process you are going through right now - even if it may seem hard right now. First of all, you are absolutely right about the fact that I will not regret this process because I have learned a lot - about myself, about my actions, and about relationships in general. I am beginning to feel a little better, and I have already completely taken responsibility for what I did, and I am all to blame. I just dont know right now if I am in the best mindset to contact her yet, so I will give it time, atleast another few weeks.. And you are right, I am concentrating on myself, and doing things for myself that will hopefully make me the happy person I was when she met me. Therefore, it will be easier to approach her - not as an ex-girlfriend, but as a person who was my best friend and a person I should be able to talk about and say anything to. And we did share something special. We have so much in common, we could actually be ourselves around each other, and we both said it was the only relationship that we had either been in in which we could say that. But sometimes I just think to myself that she has already forgotten about me, that she doesn't miss me, etc. I dont know why, I guess I feel like I am just unlucky in that way - I finally meet someone I can actually picture spending the rest of my life with, and I screw it up. I think I am just being nerotic (sp?), I dunno..
Author pjammer Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 Still going strong with NC....each day is different but I am doing better. I still think about her everyday, and sometimes get upset at night (we talked EVERY night), but I am trying to stay strong...
Kamille Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Glad to hear it! it will eventually get better and one day you will feel like you're old self again. And we're always here for support!
Author pjammer Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Glad to hear it! it will eventually get better and one day you will feel like you're old self again. And we're always here for support! I know I will feel like myself again, but I still want her back so badly! But I am sticking with NC until I am ready to talk to her again.
Author pjammer Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Today hasnt been that great of a day...I was off work, alone at my house, and I have just been thinking about her all day. Broke down for about a 1/2 hour or so, then went out. I am just do damn tempted to call her, send her a text message just saying I miss her, or atleast send her the stuff I want to eventually send her, but like everyone on here has said, it may make me feel good at first, but it wont do me any good in the long run. I am just really upset right now, just laying around the house, thinking about her. I just cant stop thinking about her right now...
Rooster_DAR Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 What's even worse is that it's the holidays, I'm in the same boat with you. I know my EX is probably going to spend the holidays with the guy she cheated on me with. Oh well, what can you do? Take care, hope things get better. Regards,
Author pjammer Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 What's even worse is that it's the holidays, I'm in the same boat with you. I know my EX is probably going to spend the holidays with the guy she cheated on me with. Oh well, what can you do? Take care, hope things get better. Regards, Well that sucks that she is with another guy, I feel for you there. My previous relationship ended like that - she cheated on me. And yes, it sucks big time that it is the holidays, and especially since I had already gotten her most of her gifts, and still have them. Right now, I dont know what to do with them. Hopefully, I will be in contact with her after a weeks, and will decide by then...
trojan Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I was just following all the posts, and my girl said she wanted to end it, that was last friday, and I've done all the groveling, crying, and sending flowers and cards. I also feel so lost, she told me that I took her for granted, and I know I did. She says she needs time to alone, and it seems that I should give her time from all the advice I read, no contact, that's tough, I know how you feel pjammer. Im gonna work hard on fixing myself, so I can ask for another chance, hopefully things work out.
Author pjammer Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 I was just following all the posts, and my girl said she wanted to end it, that was last friday, and I've done all the groveling, crying, and sending flowers and cards. I also feel so lost, she told me that I took her for granted, and I know I did. She says she needs time to alone, and it seems that I should give her time from all the advice I read, no contact, that's tough, I know how you feel pjammer. Im gonna work hard on fixing myself, so I can ask for another chance, hopefully things work out. Well I hope things work out for the both of us...she too said that she wanted to be alone, and at first I didnt give it to her. But now I am in NC, and have been for just over 3 weeks. I too feel lost, because I know that I love her, but didnt tell her that (feel so ashamed of that). But yes, work on yourself - I have. I feel better about myself now, and if we have any chance of getting another chance, we have to understand WHY the relationship took a turn for the worst in the first place - mainly because it was our fault. I know that I am to blame for losing her, and what I have to do right now is concentrate on bettering myself, and when I do ask for a 2nd chance again, I will be ready. I have grown so much out of this. Before, when we were together, I acted immaturely in some situations (she's 31 and im 23, mind you), and didnt even realize it at the time. Now, looking back and putting myself in her shoes, I would have felt the same way about me. It's ashame I am just realizing that now, but better late than never. Hopefully, for the both of us, feelings are still there on the other side, and we just have to work on bettering ourselves before even thinking about getting back into a relationship. Because, to be honest, it wouldnt have been fair to either me or her to continue the relationship right away. Anyway, work on yourself first, and best of luck!
trojan Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 I hear you, and thanks for the encouragement, I actually I need to work on myself like you said, not only for myself but for her too. Tough thing is our anniversary is coming up, and I had the ring and was good to go, and the holidays don't help either, when it rains it sure pours. I'm trying the NC, we'll see how all this plays out. Discussing this sure helps tremendously, hope everything works for you too
Author pjammer Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 Well I broke down, and did send her a text message. Just said Happy Thanksgiving, and I miss you. Short and sweet. I am not one to just ignore people, and this NC has been so tough. I had to atleast wish her a happy holiday - whether or not she responds, that's totally out of my hands.
Kamille Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 Well you have to be yourself first right! Let us know how it goes. K
u2111 Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 Me and my girlfriend were dating for 8 months. Things were great, and we both told each other that we had never felt this way or been best friends w/ a gf/bf before. I did some stupid things to push her feelings away - I didnt tell her the whole truth about some things, and sometimes I could be arrogant or annoying to others when she was around me, which I know she didnt like. I didnt cheat or do anything physical. It was nothing I did on purpose or to hurt her. I just made some mistakes that I know are not in my nature, and I want to show her the real me again, and that I have grown-up and changed for the best. She broke up with me about 5 weeks ago. I sent her flowers, letters, etc. I know that I shouldnt have done this, but thats in the past. Her friend told me she just wants to be alone right now, so Ive decided to leave her alone for a month. I know I love her and it hurts me that I didnt tell her that before all of this happened. But I know that I love her, and that she is the one for me. I could just see it every time I looked into her eyes and saw her face. When I saw her, I saw me. One thing that may affect this is that she IS older than me - Im 23, she's 31. But I am not so sure this had anything to do with it because she wouldnt have stuck with me for 8 months if she didnt think we could be for each other. I am willing to give her space, and around the beginning of December, I will contact her again, ask her to just go out and have a friendly date. Any advice on how to show her that I am better than I was before? How I have changed, and how we can be even stronger than we were before? Anyone have any advice? Thanks... Hey man, Trust me on this. Seems right now your learning a valuable lesson. everyone learns it sooner or later. When you have someone you love, treat em that way. Look on the bright side you'll be better at it next time around. Maybe with her maybe not. Tell her you love her. And you want a second chance, to prove it. And then leave her alone. When she calls, if she calls be nice. You love her remember. People are mothers when they know they can have you if they want. Dont chase. Make her want to give you another shot. This is the only way. Most people cant do this. If you want her back dont play games, dont try to make her jealous, dont try to scare her back. that **** dont work. Be real. Let her do all that stuff. If she wants you back, she'll come to you. Hell your 23 chill.
Author pjammer Posted November 24, 2006 Author Posted November 24, 2006 Hey man, Trust me on this. Seems right now your learning a valuable lesson. everyone learns it sooner or later. When you have someone you love, treat em that way. Look on the bright side you'll be better at it next time around. Maybe with her maybe not. Tell her you love her. And you want a second chance, to prove it. And then leave her alone. When she calls, if she calls be nice. You love her remember. People are mothers when they know they can have you if they want. Dont chase. Make her want to give you another shot. This is the only way. Most people cant do this. If you want her back dont play games, dont try to make her jealous, dont try to scare her back. that **** dont work. Be real. Let her do all that stuff. If she wants you back, she'll come to you. Hell your 23 chill. Yes, I have definately learned from this. And Im not trying to make her jealous or playing any games. I am trying to be as real as I can with her. And I now I am only 23, but i've been in relationships before, and I've never felt this way about anyone else. I know I screwed up, but all I want is another chance - to show her how much she means to me and how much I really do love her. I know that I will not make the same mistakes that I did in the past as I know I have learned from them. So are you suggesting completely NOT talking to her and not making any contact? If you are, I know what you are saying, and it is true. It all comes down to her choice, not mine, as bad as I want it. But I cant just let someone I love just go away so easily. I have given her space for about a month now, and it has been so damn hard. I still have some things I want to give to her to show her how much I care (I was making a scrapbook throughout the entire time we were together, and I was going to give it to her on Xmas or on our first anniversary which would be 1/20). I am going to give this to her one way or another, I just dont know when to do it. Do I think it will change anything? Probably not. But atleast she will know EXACTLY how I felt about her the entire time we were together, and how much she means to me. Any suggestions about this?
Author pjammer Posted November 24, 2006 Author Posted November 24, 2006 Well you have to be yourself first right! Let us know how it goes. K you're right, I do. And I am completely myself around her. And I want to show her that again in person. I feel kinda bad that I broke NC, but I am just a nice person, and I felt I had to atleast do this...
Guest Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 My girlfriend of over 10 yrs just broke up with me and I am totally heartbroken. I know what i did wrong, I should have not taken her for granted and I could have expressed my feelings much better. She's now seeing this new guy and it's driving me bonkers because she ignores my calls and it seems like she lies to me about seeing this fella at certain times. I asked that maybe we could start from scratch and maybe start all over again SLOWLY so we can learn about each other again and maybe capture the love we once shared. She agreed to have a day set up for me once a week and we can go out and see if anything is still there,,,, but,,,,, with the new guy in the picture is she "REALLY" making an attempt to try again with me or is she just testing the waters and making sure I'm the security blanket?. I mean after 10yrs, haven't we earned the right and try once more?? Thats alot of time invested in this relationship. Any words of wisdom?
Guest Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 30 days, even 60 days is pretty short. She needs some time to clarify her feelings towards you. If you interfere, you will break all your chances. She must feel really free to make a decision. Love is not only a feeling, it is a heavy decision and one must feel totally free to take the right one. Give her at least 3 months. I know it is hard. I did the same mistake several times, it is so hard to keep silent, but sure its a mistake. If you love her, give her time. When you get in touch again with her, give her words of confident friendship rather than love, so that you leave her the broadest space for her decide freely how she will respond. I know this is hard, and what I am telling you might be what I would have needed people tell me. Use this time to reconcile with yourself, get in great physical shape, forgive to yourself - if you don't, who will forgive you? You may recognize your mistakes but this is the past, look ahead and love yourself to be more lovable. And don't build your own prison. Life is beautiful, you are young and in good health, enjoy it fully and sooner or later everything will get fine. John
Author pjammer Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 30 days, even 60 days is pretty short. She needs some time to clarify her feelings towards you. If you interfere, you will break all your chances. She must feel really free to make a decision. Love is not only a feeling, it is a heavy decision and one must feel totally free to take the right one. Give her at least 3 months. I know it is hard. I did the same mistake several times, it is so hard to keep silent, but sure its a mistake. If you love her, give her time. When you get in touch again with her, give her words of confident friendship rather than love, so that you leave her the broadest space for her decide freely how she will respond. I know this is hard, and what I am telling you might be what I would have needed people tell me. Use this time to reconcile with yourself, get in great physical shape, forgive to yourself - if you don't, who will forgive you? You may recognize your mistakes but this is the past, look ahead and love yourself to be more lovable. And don't build your own prison. Life is beautiful, you are young and in good health, enjoy it fully and sooner or later everything will get fine. John I know, you're right. But right now, with the holidays approaching, I dont know if I can just not do anything. I still want to send her some stuff that I had gotten her before we broke up, and I still plan to. But I will probably give her past the new year to really contact or call her again. That will be just over 3 months since the break-up.
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