Davis Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Friday my ex saw me with another woman. She was not with a guy. I ignored her. Guess after 5 weeks of NC that was it. She started texting on Sunday and I replied. We met for coffee today. She made it clear she at least wants to be "friends", but really wants me back. She wants to go slow, see what happens and see if we can develop it into something good. She dumped me! I'm of course worried she'll do it again. She is going to counseling and church (something new). But, once bitten, twice shy! What do I do now?
Art_Critic Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 She wants to go slow, She dumped you but she still wants to keep the control.. Nothing wrong with giving it another try... but remember that it is also YOUR relationship and not just hers.. make your views/needs known. Nothing wrong with going slow either.. but in my book bringing out before anything happens as a rule that you have to proceed slowly in a relationship where the 2 people have already had an intimate relationship is just asking for trouble.. she is already saying that if you don't do what she says that it won't work my 2 pennies
Author Davis Posted November 6, 2006 Author Posted November 6, 2006 Art! thanks for your advice. she does want to go slow. i'm leary. i'm not sure i can get past her dumping me and all that. i guess i have to see how it unfolds.
Rooster_DAR Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 I just posted a thread with the same thing. My EX came clean about evertying and wants me back as well. Trying times!
Author Davis Posted November 6, 2006 Author Posted November 6, 2006 Rooster. I read your post. What happened with your deal? I think I believe my ex that she was mixed up. She is going to counseling and it seems to be helping. She seems to be doing better. We are going to take it slow. She says she doesn't want to "date" until the New Year. I did tell her I can't promise I'll be single then. Guess I have to wait it out if I really care about her that much.
Rooster_DAR Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Sound to me you did the right thing. I'm not sure, but her wating until the new year raises some questions. My deal. My fiance and I broke up about 3 months ago after she became someone I didn't know anymore. I suspected infedelity (which I was right), and things became a real mess. We were together five years and bought a new house together, and like most guys I thought things were going to be fine. She came back from working out of town for four months and that's when things fell apart. Long story short, she got close to a co-worker and crossed the line. She was confused, and I was in turmoil over the whole thing simply because she was hanging onto me while she was doing her thing. My intuition and instincts were extremely accurate, I'm not sure why but somehow I sense things really well (I think most people do). After finding some evidence of her and this guy, I baileded out and move into my own condo. Things were up and down for months after that (typical), then she finally told me she just wanted to be friends (broke my fu**ing heart). I got pissed off and changed all of my phone numbers and basically dissappeared off of the planet. Three months later she sends me an early b-day card saying she's sorry and loves me more than anything (NC works). I went to pickup some things I left in our house and she came clean with everything, and boy I was right on target. Anyway, she want's to spend her life with me, and let this other guy go (Yeah ,sure!). So now, I am trying to make a decision on what's best for me. I do love her, but I still have my doubts although she has been forthcoming about all of this. The strong part of me says GTFO, and the weak part says give her another chance. Regards,
gfto Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Davis, What are you doing having coffee with a woman who dumped you?! Like Art Critic said, she doesn't really want you back; she just doesn't want to see you with a new girl. Tough cookies. Cut off contact and focus on that new girl.
Author Davis Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 GFTO. You're right. It's because I'm a ****ing idiot. She got jealous, that was for sure. I think that sparked some emotions in her about me (the books say that works). I never told her I was going to stop dating or wouldn't get serious with someone. I told her it was none of her business anymore. If something develops fine, if not I'll move on. There might have been some extenuating circumstances: her cousin died of cancer and a week later her Uncle died of cancer and she was a depressed mess. She thought breaking up was her way to relief. I'm not waiting around, but I guess I'm trying to decide if there's some potential. And yes, I have thought about still telling her to fck off.
gfto Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 GFTO. You're right. It's because I'm a ****ing idiot. She got jealous, that was for sure. I think that sparked some emotions in her about me (the books say that works). I never told her I was going to stop dating or wouldn't get serious with someone. I told her it was none of her business anymore. If something develops fine, if not I'll move on. There might have been some extenuating circumstances: her cousin died of cancer and a week later her Uncle died of cancer and she was a depressed mess. She thought breaking up was her way to relief. I'm not waiting around, but I guess I'm trying to decide if there's some potential. And yes, I have thought about still telling her to fck off. You're not a ****ing idiot. But, you have to realize that only you can lower a woman's interest level in you. As terrible as it is that she had two close relatives pass on, that did not cause her to lose interest in you. If anything, she would really want to be with you at such a difficult time; if she still had high interest in you, that is. Don't tell her to f*** off. That would just make you look uptight and let her know that she got to you. Just disappear. For all she knows, you're in the witness protection program! Meanwhile, find a new girlfriend!
Rooster_DAR Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 only you can lower a woman's interest level in you. As terrible as it is that she Somebody here graduated from Askmen.com university. LOL
ddnnee Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Dude, dump those exs. if you read enough posts here, you will see second times are never the same and usually fails. Don't forget that she was the one that dumped you - rooster: she cheated on you! anyway... "Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." -dumbass bush
salmagundi Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I remember how badly I wanted to believe in second chances, and then I finally got one. But read my new post to see how it all worked out. It didnt. My ex went through therapy after our first breakup too, it didnt change a damn thing. Cut her off now and in a few months you'll be a new man. Let her back in now and in a few months when the honeymoon is over it'll be back to the same old **** and you'll be wishing you'd taken this advice when you had the chance. good luck salmagundi
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