dg1v2b Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 After 22 yrs of marriage and 18 of it on opposite shifts, being ships just passing in the night. I finaly got to the same shift as my wife and now I'm thinking about calling it quits. We aren't intimate anymore (4 times this year and never had much of it in the other years either) and don't speak too much either. Theres just not alot to say anymore. We don't fight but I can feel that the tension is starting to build. Only one kid left and shes 17 now. I know I'm not happy and I think she feels the same way. I'm not out to hurt her but I think maybe we both need to move on. I don't have any eyes for anyone else but don't know how to go about starting this hard discussion. So how do you know when its time to go? When you start questioning yourself as I am now?
Author dg1v2b Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 Looks like my intuitions were right. I'm wasting my time. No one wants to touch this. I was a fool again today and on my only day off in the last 15 days I took her out and spent all day with her. We did everthing "SHE" wanted to do. Nothing for me at all. When we got home my daughter went to a school function for several hours. So I tried my best to initiate a special time building on a very nice day. BANG shot down again. I'm not fat, ugly, nor have I lost my hair or any other typical getting older thing. As a matter of fact I've been told I look much younger than most others my age. I guess its time to start getting what I want out of life at least before its too late. I don't hate her but love her but nothing I do seems to matter for what I want. You know there are old wives tales for a reason such as good guys finish last, no good deed goes unpunnished etc....Situations such as these cause men to "cheat" but I don't consider it cheating if she won't fulfill her wifely duties and I'm sure there'll be some comical chimes on that statement too from others that wouldn't chime in before. So I guess it'll have to be me sacrificing my dignity to get what I need in life. Vows go both ways remember? Oh yeah I do the cooking becausse she burns everything, I paint the house, fix the plumbing, repair the cars, take the kids to school functions, do all the bills, fix the electric and any other thing that breks. I'm not a sloth.
Sup Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Do you think your wife is having an affair? If she's not having sex with you, then WHO?
norajane Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Have you considered asking her how she feels about your marriage and whether she is happy? Would you consider marriage counseling to learn how to communicate with each other again? To me, it sounds as though you've drifted apart over the years, maybe due to the work schedules. You both have gotten used to making do on your own, and have learned to accept less. Now, you want to start turning the Titanic...it will take a lot more than a day to get moving on the right path together. You need time to reconnect, both emotionally and intellectually as well as physically. The physical part comes last, by the way - a woman who feels distant from her husband isn't going to be able to be physical... Talk to your wife with an open mind. Ask her to help you fix your marriage.
Author dg1v2b Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 I know what norajane says is mostly true but how do you start? We still don't have the same days off together plus with me having to work OT and holidays theres never been much time for "us." I went out and bought all the " Men are from Mars" book and read them and asked her to read them too. Thought it might bring up some interesting conversations but not. I also consider what sup said about her having an affair. That may have been going on for years. I'm not sure. I've always been the one working second shift. So availabiltiy would have never been a problem for her.
norajane Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I would actually recommend two other books - Light Her Fire and Light His Fire. They're short, easy to read, and have some concrete, small steps to take with each other to reconnect and start showing each other appreciation in small ways. The books won't work miracles, but when it comes to women, the small things go a long way. Might help spark some change. I picked up mine from Amazon in paperback, very cheap. I only read part of the Mars book, and a lot of it annoyed me. A marriage counselor could also help the two of you get started. Maybe find a few in your area and ask your wife if she'd consider going to any of them. If not, you should start going by yourself. She might get curious and want to join you, but a counselor might also help you figure out what you want.
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