Guest Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 I became friends with this guy at my job a little over a year ago. When I first met him I got the impression that.... well.... he was homosexual. He has sort of "feminine" qualities, mannerisms... etc. that may fall into what one would consider stereotyping, but regardless these led me to perceive him as being gay. To make a long story shorter, I had to make things complicated and start crushing on him.... For a long time I thought that this was not only because I liked him as a person and found him physically attractive but 'maybe' because I always want what I know I can't have. Well, we were working the night shift together "alone" in the office and things would come up.... for instance his dating life. He revealed to me that he had not been in a relationship (or on a date for that matter) in 7 years even though people from work & his family members would try to set him up (he is now 31). I found that odd and took that to be another sign that he was indeed, gay, and had not yet chose to come out of the closet. He always was very particular about his food (always homemade... nothing wrong with that, I choose to make all of my meals as well, but he'd bring a scale to work so he could weigh it) and I found him to be extremely orderly and a neat freak to the point where I would sometimes joke around and say he was obsessive. He never liked to go out any where (except by himself or with his family) and I would try to invite him to hang out just to get him out of his hermit zone -casually- to a restaurant, movie, club but he always declined. We'd look through magazines or on the internet and if he saw a girl he found attractive he'd say she was "pretty" but never use the terms "hot or sexy" even if she was wearing a bikini... which again I thought to be a trait of gay guys as I've been friends with many straight guys... and have been used to hearing them converse about girls a certain way. Moving forward.... when he switched to the day shift we started making plans to go to the gym together once a week. One night after our work out routine I asked if he wanted to grab a bite to eat and he accepted. We had dinner and then went to a bar. As we were leaving the bar I got the sudden urge to kiss him and went for the gold.... however, he turned his head. I felt rejected and embarrassed as all hell.... I rarely make the first move with guys and have NEVER been rejected like that by one. He told me that he wasn't the "right guy" for me and I inquired as to if this was because he was gay... he informed me that he was straight and appeared to be a little upset and agitated that I would even accuse him of this. I asked him why he wasn't the guy for me and he said that he doesn't want to get involved with anyone right now and that he'd been hurt in the past... Let's move the calendar forward about 5 months. So after a month or so of kinda avoiding him, except for when our schedules would overlap each others at work, we started talking casually again. For some reason whenever I'd see him in the office I felt like he was paying extra attention to me and well... "flirting". My birthday came about and he said he wanted to take me out and he'd buy us a drink. Deal. We went out and I brought another friend along we had drinks... then we made plans again... same thing... and again... this time he leaned in to hug me and wouldn't let go... I knew the hug felt passionate. I called him the next week & we went out. When he dropped me off at home he walked me to my door and this time kissed ME. Since this happened we've been dating. That was about a month and a half ago. Everything has went exceptionally well so far... he's a great, caring, sensitive guy.... he treats me well, takes me out, loves to kiss and hold me.... Today he said that "he loved me". Besides for the fact that I think things may be moving too fast I still have this concern eating away at me that he may "love me" and enjoy my company and affection but that he doesn't LUST after me. I still get a weird vibe from him when things start getting heavy.... I'm a virgin btw and have been saving myself for a LONG while lol..... but I still have done other things with people I've really cared for and he is one of them. When we're doing these "other things" it just doesn't seem like he's enjoying them as much as I am.... I don't feel the passion or the sexual urge on his end. I asked him how I could satisfy him (besides having sex) and he really didn't know what to reply. I asked him if he missed having sex and he told me "not really" it was okay but nothing super special to him.... he'd had sex with two girls in his past and made it sound like both times were unpleasurable and tedious and even said he felt "taken advantage of".... WHAT THE HELL??? I don't understand his mentality. I don't want to judge him or think he's lying to me but I just can't shake this feeling and didn't know where else to go for support.... should I be doubtful of his heterosexuality?
Guest Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Everything has went exceptionally well so far... he's a great, caring, sensitive guy.... he treats me well, takes me out, loves to kiss and hold me.... Today he said that "he loved me". Besides for the fact that I think things may be moving too fast He's known you for almost a year. That's not exactly 'fast'. should I be doubtful of his heterosexuality? No. There are many possible reasons for his behaviour. He could have a family who has very restrictive attitudes about sex. He could have been abused. It sounds as though he's very fastidious - could he be OCD? If so, then the sticky messy aspects of sex could bother him. He could even be asexual. It's perhaps not an issue now, but clearly if you want a long-term relationship with him it will become an issue. You'll have to talk about it in depth at some point and even ask him if he'd be willing to get therapy to see why sex with women is so uninteresting to him.
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