ImWithHim Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 so I guess I will just put it here since this is where it all started, in case anyone is interested in an update of sorts. IWH is "back," I would imagine. I wish I could say I knew. The date I was given for his return has come and gone, and though we had quieted contact the last month or so leading up to it, I had hoped that I would at least hear he returned ok. I got a card from him in the mail a few weeks ago - a really nice one. It was so out of the blue that I wasn't quite sure if I was expected to respond to it. I still have all the letters he sent while he was away. I don't have the slightest clue what I plan to do with them, but I can't stand to throw them out so I just keep them stashed away and when I've had a particularly rough day I pull them out and read through them. Most of the lack of response was in large part my fault. He kept up his end up the bargain much moreso than I did. He reconnected with his wife (or so he says)...which is great for them and their children. But it broke my heart. I suspected all along that was what was going to happen, I just tried to convince myself otherwise and play the what if game. I ended up meeting someone much more local in July and had a relationship for a few months with him that should never have occured. He was married. I don't know why I keep finding myself in these situations, but this man was "in real life" and I never thought I could actually go through with something like that. I didn't know I had it in me. But I did, and I apparently do. So where does that leave me? With a lot of things about myself that I apparently need to figure out. That other man and I still talk, but I ended things with him a couple months after it started. I had hoped if I made an effort to move on with my life that it would ease the heartache of missing IWH. Realistically I knew nothing would likely ever come of it, but I miss the friendship and the long talks we had. He was my only true friend and I don't feel like we know eachother at all anymore. There are many times I wish we had just kept things as a friendship. The attempt to turn it into something more has shattered what was a wonderful companion and shoulder to lean on. I miss hearing about his day and I miss being able to tell him about mine...and know he actually cared and wasn't just being "nice" by listening. I just....miss him.
movinon05 Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Hi Imwithhim, I had just started on this site when you and Imwithher were about to leave it. Six, eight months ago? In fact, Imwithher was very sympathetic when I got slammed for my story. Two years ago, I was like you were. Sure that no one could tell me differently and sure about what I "knew" to be true. But learned better as time went on and was able to talk about it on this site. I'm not trying to rub salt in your wounds in any way. I feel very bad for you that this has happened. All I can say is that you need to look at it as a learning experience. I'm more than 20 years older than you, and that is the way I look back at what happened to me. It was hard at first. I was full of resentment and hate. But I learned sooooooo much. And I'm in a much better place now. I don't know if my posting will help you. But I just want you to know that that is what helped me get through it. Learn from it. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from your accomplishments. And know that you have soo much time to make a life for yourself. The right person will come at the right time. Just LEARN from it. And do try not to put yourself in that place again. You now know the hurt that comes from it. Want more for yourself. You'll get there. MO
whichwayisup Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I think you did know all along that this wasn't going to workout, or meet up offline face to face. You've been emotionally detaching, distancing yourself while he was away, not keeping intouch as much, not answering his emails...Preparing for the day he comes home... Sadly, you both knew that "it" wouldn't happen. Fantasy or love for you, whatever you want to call it, wasn't going to be enough for him to leave his wife and has children. Yes, you lost a friend, someone you could confide in, someone who made you feel good and gave you hope of a romance and a relationship...That was wrong of him to do to you...As nice as he was, it was still wrong. It was selfish of him and even though you knew going in that he was married and wasn't ever going to leave his wife & kids, your heart didn't let you want to believe this. Time will heal this, as cliche as that sounds, it's true. Keep busy, spend less time on the computer and live life OFFLINE. If you don't, you're going to dwell on him and make yourself miserable. Take care and keep posting if you need to.
Recommended Posts