Angel291 Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 I do not know if I am right or wrong. I was at a my best friends mothers house the other night and her son was there. We were "ballroom dancing" in the family room (just pretending to practice dancing together.) It was nothing obnoxious. All of a sudden he threw me down on a table on my back and jumped on top of me, completely out of nowhere! I pushed him off of me because I did not want hin to do that and he fell into the coffee table in front of her sofa and a piece of wood broke off of the bottom of the coffee table. She started to yell and scream at me. I did not feel I had done anything wrong, however, and so I stayed calm and told her that I did not do anything wrong, that he had caused it by throwing me onto the table. She said "you act like your so innocent" and then said "you don't care that my table is broken. And your not going to offer to replace it." Then she said "I am going to go outside and destroy your car." She was yelling and screaming and making digs about me and I stayed very calm and said to her, "I am sick of you yelling at me everytime something goes wrong. When your son damaged my brand new car and ruined the paint job and never offered to pay for what he had done and never even apologized, you told me that I should not be mad at him for that, because people are more important than things. So why are you mad at me when I did not cause this?" She screamed for me to get out of her house and started throwing things around and even took the coffee table and turned it over on its side because she was so mad. So I do not feel that I did anything wrong in this situation. I did not ask for her son to throw me on my back onto a table and jump on me, and I don't think that I should be treated this way by her. Am I wrong?
norajane Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 No, you are not wrong. Maybe staying away from this family would be a good idea.
empathyfriends Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Hi my dear.. I dun think u r not wrong. I guess u hv the right to protect ur own rights. We somtime cant predict things wil happened this way. I guess ur useless best fren didnt protect u at all right? Its quiet normal.. i have went thru similar situation. U r lucky coz his mum didnt hit u. Anyway, just relax and calm down. Giv a cal to his mum to apologize for wat had happened and if the table not too expensive offer to pay back.. Reason I say this is bcoz.. show to them that u r not as wat they think and u still have som respect, responsiblity and pride.. let them feel bad and guilty. BUT if she still scream and yell after that then juz ignore.. and dun need to pay or say anything anymore.. leave them! Just avoid visiting his place if unnecessary. Remember "a best fren is always the one to make u laugh and wil try not to make u cry".. Take care. XXOO
Author Angel291 Posted November 6, 2006 Author Posted November 6, 2006 Thank you for the advice. The thing is, I do not understand why she is mad at ME and not her son when he caused the situation and yet I am the bad guy. In the past, her son has damaged many things of mine. He took took his foot and ran it up and down the body of a brand new car that was four days off the lot, putting huge scratch marks from the sand on his foot on the car, so deep into the paint that it had to be taken to the dealership and repaired. At the time, his mother told me that I should not be mad at her son because the car is just a car, it is a thing, and that people are more important than things and so I should not be upset at all. He never offered to fix what he did and she never told him he should offer, she just felt that I should pay to fix what he had done. He also took his shoe that same night and rubbed it on my brand new white pants I had special ordered, damaging those and again she told me not to be mad at him that my pants were just a thing and neither he or she ever made any attempt to offer to replace them and he never apologized. He broke a CD of mine before and a CD case and again, refused to replace it or apologize and it was sort of like he did not care. He broke a shoe of mine another time that I really liked and that I cannot get anymore. So the thing is, I do not understand why she is mad at ME when HE is the one who threw me onto a table out of nowhere. Now it is like they expect ME to be the one to apologize, ME to take the rap, ME to replace it and repair it and I just do not feel that this is right because I do not think I caused the situation to begin with. When we were "dancing" in the house we were hardly even moving around because neither of us really know how to dance, so it is not like we were obnoxiously throwing ourselves around the house or like I was harassing him or instigating anything. ????
norajane Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 It's not right that you have to do any repairing and replacing. It's not right that her son damages your property and is constantly disrespectful. I repeat - I think you need to stay away from this family. Why are you still friends with these people?
littlekitty Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 It's not right that you have to do any repairing and replacing. It's not right that her son damages your property and is constantly disrespectful. I repeat - I think you need to stay away from this family. Why are you still friends with these people? I second Norajane. Is it possible he has a teenage crush on you?!
magichands Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 I did not ask for her son to throw me on my back onto a table and jump on me, and I don't think that I should be treated this way by her. Am I wrong? People don't jump on top of you for no reason. Reflect on that. Actually, on second thoughts, are you sure it wasn't a dance move that went horribly wrong?
Author Angel291 Posted November 6, 2006 Author Posted November 6, 2006 Thank you for the advice again :-) In reply to a few things...one of the reasons I am still friends with them is because I think that they have a lot of beautiful qualities that I have never seen in other people. I have known them for 12 1/2 years and they feel like I am a part of their family and I have felt the same way. The mom calls me her second daughter and they are the one group of people that I can always let loose and be completely myself around and just have a great time and not feel like I am judged. That is really hard to find and I have never found it anywhere else. So it is hard for me to think of letting that go. Also, no it was not a dance move gone wrong :-) Her son and I have a long history together and he has always been a little bitter towards me because I never really liked him in that way but we do have a lot of fun when we get together. Like trying to ballroom dance together :-) But it does suck because even though I care about them the mom can be so mean. Whenever she gets mad about something, she just goes nuts and she always takes up for her son no matter what. I always feel like I have to be somewhat careful around her because she can be such a beautiful person but at the same time she can be like a loose cannon. That is why I said to her that I was so tired of her yelling at me whenever things go wrong, because I was just thinking to myself, "I am so sick of her feeling like she can jump all over me when something happens that she does not like. It is not right." SHe does not know how to handle her anger constructively. Well, thanks again for the advice :-)
Cheshire Cat Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 How old are you, this woman and her son? Is her son your best friend's brother? Did your best friend witness this scene? Did she ever stand up for you? (and could have she?) Or do you mean that her son is your best friend?!? I second Norajane's advice too. Stay away from both, mother and son. Or at least be prepared to take more abuse from them and wear your shabbiest clothes around them. On a more serious note... people who will feel entitled to damage your property without apologizing or replacing it, might feel outraged if you ask them money to pay medical expenses after they accidentally hit you. I would sever ties with them. If you can't or will not, at least do not tolerate any more abuse from them. If they yell, walk away. If they damage any other belonging of yours, they should have them fixed/clean/replaced at their expenses. Inform them that next time they throw anything at you, your friendship is history.
Author Angel291 Posted November 8, 2006 Author Posted November 8, 2006 I am 26, my friends mom is 65 and her son is 31. My best friend is my age and that is her mom and her brother. No, my best friend was not there and did not see this happen. In fact, I think her mom is telling a very edited version of what happened to everyone and making me look bad because now my best friend will not reply to my messages I have left on her phone. (her mom has done that before, edit the truth and make me look bad.) When she threw things, they were not at me. She threw them into the sofa in anger. Do you really think her behavior is abusive? I have wondered before in the past about this. I actually made a post about it some time ago, but no one ever replied that I ever saw. Like that day when she exploded, earlier we were talking and she said her boyfriend would not give her something she wanted and I said "that sucks" and she said "yeah well you don't care anyway." And I remember thinking, what? But I let it go. Another time her son was being mean to me when we were at a a restraunt. I told him if he kept it up I was going to leave him there (I was driving) and he did not stop. So I got up and said "I told you if you kept it up I was leaving. Now I am." I turned to his mom and said "I am leaving. Do you want a ride home with me or do you want to stay with him?" She said she would stay and so I left. The next day she screamed her head off at me, swearing and calling me a brat for leaving her there and just screaming awful. She told an "edited" version to her daughter, who got kind of mad at me, and we all had to go to a girls baby shower that day and sit at the same table and the whole time she was making very nasty comments about me in front of everyone and just being horrible so that even her daughter had to ask her to stop. Then when she gets mad, she spends the next day or so ranting and raving about me to people and trashing me to them. It sucks. But I always figured all friends get into fights and arguments. There are no relationships that are argument free. It is hard for me to tell what is abusive and wrong and what is normal.
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