Guest Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 what about 2 OW/OM getting together to have a "normal" yet "open" relationship where the OW can be with the MM when he's available, and OM can be with the MW when available. The OW/OM marriage would be one of convenience only. Think that works? This is from an OW that tried to move on with a normal SG and felt like I was doing the biggest play acting imaginable because I wasn't really over MM. This question is really tongue in cheek but we keep advising each other to go find a SG- well I think that's just plain bad advice b/c the innocent SG has no clue.........Although I did tell one and he acted like he accepted it, but had no idea what a fantasy world he was up against (even thought the A had long since ended and there was absolutely no further cheating with the MM, the emotional scars and memories weren't dealt with). I say all of this to say that we need to work on healing ourselves first before we drag innocent new people into our screwed up worlds. And unfortunately, it does take a new relationship to get our minds off of MM and breaking that cycle...........Anyone have a good idea to let MM go?
Freedom Now Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 I have not rebounded with another man since I have broken with my MM. And the MM and I have not seen each other in months. It is cruel to bring another innocent human being into a situation if the OW or OM is not over his/her previous relationship with the married partner. Rebounding or replacing another person before the heart heals smacks of someone who has the inability to be alone. And, if one cannot be alone, how can one ever be an independent, strong individual? For healthy relationships to form and last, both partners must be healthy and whole ALONE. Anything else is just a set up for pain and heartache. There is no sense jumping from one mess into another. Time is the greatest healer. Unfortunately, many people do not want to feel the full brunt of grieving that is required to free one's heart from these relationships. And why would they? It is hard, heartbreaking and soulcrushing....and mostly, lonely. Therefore, they jump into another relationship before their heart is ready. And that is just burying the pain under another relationship. Not healthy. Take time and learn about yourself and heal thoroughly. Once you are fine with being alone, that is when you are fine to be with someone new.
norajane Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 what about 2 OW/OM getting together to have a "normal" yet "open" relationship where the OW can be with the MM when he's available, and OM can be with the MW when available. Um, and what about the betrayed spouses of the MM and MW? What do they get out of this cozy little arrangement? we keep advising each other to go find a SG- well I think that's just plain bad advice b/c the innocent SG has no clue......... When advice is given to go out and find a single person to date, it's meant 1) end the affair first and date a single person instead of a married person, and 2) the assumption is that you would, of course, have something to offer the new love interest...meaning you'd be over your affair. Anyone who is still stuck on their former lover regardless of marital status shouldn't be dating anyone else - so selfish to date someone if your heart is otherwise engaged!
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