Loserdude Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 This is mainly aimed at the women, but all opinions are appreciated. If I have a profile on an on-line dating site, and I get say, a wink from someone or an e-mail. If I am not interested, is it better to say nothing or to just reply with a thank you (and perhaps imply a "no thank you")?
reservoirdog1 Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 At first I figured I was obligated to respond to every expression of interest, even if just to say "thanks but no thanks." Now I don't bother if I'm not interested. You haven't even met the person yet, and the whole thing is a numbers game anyway. It seems that a lot of women operate that way as well.
dgiirl Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 depends if you have to pay for correspondance or not... on some sites, a wink is free, but correspondance isnt, so ppl wink to see if there's any interest on both sides. If both wink, both are interested, and they pay for the correspondance. If it's a free site, you could reply out of politeness _if_ you want too.
Adunaphel Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 This is mainly aimed at the women, but all opinions are appreciated. If I have a profile on an on-line dating site, and I get say, a wink from someone or an e-mail. If I am not interested, is it better to say nothing or to just reply with a thank you (and perhaps imply a "no thank you")? If you have to pay for each message you receive, I'd say nothing. If receiving messages is free, if you feel like sending a nice "no, but thanks" e-mail, go for it. If you do not feel like it, do not worry about being rude! It would not make sense to send a "no, thank you note" in reply to a wink unless you have good reasons to do so. (That's the nice thing about winks - they are discreet and can therefore be ignored without offending someone).
Author Loserdude Posted November 5, 2006 Author Posted November 5, 2006 depends if you have to pay for correspondance or not... on some sites, a wink is free, but correspondance isnt, so ppl wink to see if there's any interest on both sides. If both wink, both are interested, and they pay for the correspondance. If it's a free site, you could reply out of politeness _if_ you want too. Good point, but I was wondering not from a cost point of \view but rather just from a position where I did not want to seem rude or ungrateful. By not responding, it could be taken the wrong way. (But by responding...etc...)
dgiirl Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 By not responding, it could be taken the wrong way. Does it matter? If you're not interested, you're not interested. Let her be responsible for her own feelings, not you. If you can describe the structure of the site, we might be able to give you a better answer. But it really depends on the cost. If you have to pay for each correspondance, then if you respond to every girl, it's going to add up pretty quickly. Even with the free sites, as a girl, i get bombarded by emails. In the beginning, I tried to answer each email, out of politeness. Now, I only respond to emails that have something interesting to say.
orangele Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 I tried several online dating sites, and although I cannot claim that I replied to all, I did make an effort. Often, I was not honest in that I would say that I had met someone when I really had not. The real reason was often that I simply was not attracted to their photo. I just felt as though they had taken the effort to write to me, which I found flattering, so the least I could do was to acknowledge their note. I would always find something that I liked in their profile and compliment them, and wish them luck in their search. Sometimes the replies that I got to my return note were so charming and kind, that it made me reconsider my original rejection. I know that I was always impressed with an attractive woman who took the time to say thanks but no thanks, since I know that she probably got dozens of emails every day.
Author Loserdude Posted November 6, 2006 Author Posted November 6, 2006 I tried several online dating sites, and although I cannot claim that I replied to all, I did make an effort. Often, I was not honest in that I would say that I had met someone when I really had not. The real reason was often that I simply was not attracted to their photo. I just felt as though they had taken the effort to write to me, which I found flattering, so the least I could do was to acknowledge their note. I would always find something that I liked in their profile and compliment them, and wish them luck in their search. Sometimes the replies that I got to my return note were so charming and kind, that it made me reconsider my original rejection. I know that I was always impressed with an attractive woman who took the time to say thanks but no thanks, since I know that she probably got dozens of emails every day. Okay, I'm with you on this. Once I paid a woman a compliment - I didn't hit on her - just said her pic was beautiful and I was hoping to at least get a thank you and when I didn't, I guess I got a bad impression of her.
Author Loserdude Posted November 6, 2006 Author Posted November 6, 2006 ...a woman e-mails me, I look at her profile and see this: "Beautiful, articulate, and charming likes smart, funny, charming gentlemen". So my reaction was to ask for a picture. She sends one and I'd give her about a 5. Sure, I'm being shallow, but she opened the door with "Beautiful..." I sort of see that as false advertising. I am tempted (but I won't) to kind of call her on it but I think that would be too mean. I'll send her a thanks but no thanks e-mail.
Sand&Water Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 RE: I'll send her a thanks but no thanks e-mail. You are, on the verge, of killing Snow White. Do not, attempt, to correct and severely call out on a phrase/word in a woman's profile. It may or may not have struck you, that she views herself in a different light. Some credit can be given, to her, for having the courage to write the word "Beautiful" in her profile. Confidence, lurking in the shadows is better than nothing. I think, a thank you but no thank you e-mail is morally the best thing to do. Sand&Water
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 I sort of see that as false advertising. And how is that? Beauty takes form in many different ways...inner, outer and everything in-between. Just because you don't find her outer appearance attractive doesn't mean that someone else doesn't. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.
Adunaphel Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 ...a woman e-mails me, I look at her profile and see this: "Beautiful, articulate, and charming likes smart, funny, charming gentlemen". So my reaction was to ask for a picture. She sends one and I'd give her about a 5. Sure, I'm being shallow, but she opened the door with "Beautiful..." I sort of see that as false advertising. I am tempted (but I won't) to kind of call her on it but I think that would be too mean. I'll send her a thanks but no thanks e-mail. Well...when someone tells you she considers herself beautiful, the most reliable assumption you can make is that she likes herself. Or at least she tries to. Also, some very pretty people are not photogenic.
Adunaphel Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Okay, I'm with you on this. Once I paid a woman a compliment - I didn't hit on her - just said her pic was beautiful and I was hoping to at least get a thank you and when I didn't, I guess I got a bad impression of her. Women who know that there is a lot more to them than their looks will usually not be impressed with a guy complimenting their pic. Also, do not take it personally. Women get a ton of emails on dating sites. Last week I signed up to one. I got 30 emails in the first 36 hours, even if I had no pic on it and I stated on my profile that I was not looking. I can easily imagine that a girl with a pretty pic will get flooded with messages. On dating sites it can suck to be a guy, I guess. A piece of advice: do not compliment her pics 8a generic compliment is better), try to make her curious about you.
dgiirl Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 ...a woman e-mails me, I look at her profile and see this: "Beautiful, articulate, and charming likes smart, funny, charming gentlemen". So my reaction was to ask for a picture. She sends one and I'd give her about a 5. Sure, I'm being shallow, but she opened the door with "Beautiful..." I sort of see that as false advertising. I am tempted (but I won't) to kind of call her on it but I think that would be too mean. I'll send her a thanks but no thanks e-mail. Ok, now i think you might be steping over the boundaries Just because you dont find her beautiful doesnt mean other's dont. And you cant really go around to every single profile and "correct" it Personally, I stick to profiles with public pics. It seems to cut down on the freaks and married men.
CurvyGurl Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Silence speaks volumes. I never respond to those I am uninterested in and never expect a response back from those uninterested in me. I don't need bells and whistles. If he's interested he'll respond.
PussInHeels Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 In this case, I don't think replying is necessary. When you contact someone you already know there's a 50% chance they'll respond.
sb129 Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Isn't one of the reasons people choose to register with online dating sites is BECAUSE they can be anonymous, looks aren't as important, and they can choose not to respond to people without fear of hurting their feelings? When I signed up, thats how I felt- that if I wasn't interested in someone (or likewise) there would be no hard feelings if there was no response to the wink etc. Occasionally I get whistled at in the street- I don't turn around and thank the guy! I also agree with Dgirl and jen: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am not every guys cup of tea- its cool by me. I am usually attraced to a guys SOH first. Online photos aren't always flattering.... and if you ARE just after someone for thier looks, isn't bar trawling easier? Sorry--- couldn't resist. I met my current boyfriend online- I had long hair on the profile, but when we met I had had it cut short without mentioning it to him. I asked him (jokingly) if he thought this was false advertising, and he just laughed....he seems to like me just fine.
Author Loserdude Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 There is no way I would correct someone. First of all, that's very arrogant. Notice how I said I wouldn't? Please, I am basically a very nice guy. And your points that can be summarized as "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" for sure is well taken and true, but there are also some absolutes and I think that word is a little misused. Take me for example, I have been described as "handsome" by others sometimes but I would never ever describe myself that way or put that on the site. I guess I have too much humility...(okay, here we go...)
Author Loserdude Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 Isn't one of the reasons people choose to register with online dating sites is BECAUSE they can be anonymous, looks aren't as important, and they can choose not to respond to people without fear of hurting their feelings? Occasionally I get whistled at in the street- I don't turn around and thank the guy! Online photos aren't always flattering.... and if you ARE just after someone for thier looks, isn't bar trawling easier? Sorry--- couldn't resist. Yes, the anonymity is definitely a factor, but offering a picture (as she did) changes that - to me anyway. But I should say that this woman didn't have a picture up, and e-mailed me and offered it. I thought about it, looked at her profile, saw where it said, "Beautiful" and told her to send it. Okay, regardless of whether beautiful is appropriate, the bottom line is that I am not interested in her. (And although beauty is relative, etc, I don't see it and in this case it is my choice) So what do I say now? Thanks but no thanks, right? but how? As the minutes tick on I feel like my tacit rejection is 'killing Snow White'.
dgiirl Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 you dont need to say anything. let the conversation die naturally.
Author Loserdude Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 Awwwriiiiiggghhhttt Okay. SInce you all did so well on the first question, how about this: How old is too old (for a woman) to think it's realistic to say that she still wants kids?
Adunaphel Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Awwwriiiiiggghhhttt Okay. SInce you all did so well on the first question, how about this: How old is too old (for a woman) to think it's realistic to say that she still wants kids? I'd say that at 45 it starts to become a tad unrealistic, expecially if she is still single.
sb129 Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I agree. Although some people will tell you that its never too old- just look at the news! Buit seriously- who wants to be a sideshow? Personally if kids haven't happened by 40, I might be resigning myself to the fact that it ain't gonna happen. I love kids, but being an older parent has alot of disadvantages.
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