Star Gazer Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Is it possible to have any hope for a stable, lasting relationship with a guy JUST out of a divorce from a very tumultuous relationship where his heart was shattered?
johan Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 It's possible to have hope. The likelihood of success is a bit low, but it isn't zero. However it works out, I predict you're in for a crazy ride. Maybe it will be worth it.
magichands Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Is it possible to have any hope for a stable, lasting relationship with a guy Are you crazy?? God...I've seen it all now. You can keep your half of the deal stable. Love is a decision. Like a good band-aid, you can help him heal by clinging tight.
astral_00 Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 i think it will take time. be his friend and be there for him. he will soon learn who cares for him and who is important in his life. hope that helps? xx
RecordProducer Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Is it possible to have any hope for a stable, lasting relationship with a guy JUST out of a divorce from a very tumultuous relationship where his heart was shattered?Who knows? The future will most likely bring something totally unexpected. But you may suffer now. Don't be so gullible about his heart being all smashed. Men love their wives most when they dump them. Plus they love to exaggerate. If he is not ready for a new relationship, let him go. If he is then he is not all hot for his ex.
Fun2BMe Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Love is a decision. If love was a decision, then people would not fall out of love. Love comes and goes and is out of our control.
magichands Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 If love was a decision, then people would not fall out of love. Love comes and goes and is out of our control. You're right. No...that's rubbish. Wait. Maybe we can work this out. You're talking about feelings. We choose which feelings to act upon. Or not. Love is most definitely a decision.
Fun2BMe Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 You're talking about feelings. We choose which feelings to act upon. Or not. Love is most definitely a decision. Yes we can choose how and which feelings to act upon but we have little if any control over those feelings arising inside of us to begin with. If you hate someone, you didn't make a decision about it, the feeling came to you then you can choose what to do with it - ignore it, kill the person, and so on. Same with fear, confusion, happiness, love. We don't make a list of which feelings and in what quantities to experience on a given day. They flood us unexpectedly then we choose what to do with them. Depending on our brain chemistry, the same person or experience can arise different kinds and amounts of feelings in different people. If we decided those things for ourselves, we'd alll be in a state of bliss 24/7 with world peace.
magichands Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 They flood us unexpectedly then we choose what to do with them. Usually I just try to relax until my trunk returns to normal. But I see your point.
alphamale Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Is it possible to have any hope for a stable, lasting relationship with a guy JUST out of a divorce from a very tumultuous relationship where his heart was shattered? I don't think so SG....you'd have to wait a couple years. I know when I got divorced I went on a rampage to emotionally shatter as many women as possible. But I didn't know I was doing it at the time. I'm OK now.
whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 No, not right now. He needs time to heal and put himself first. Maybe, in time, when he's ready and willing - But who's to say if he'll ever allow himself to fall deeply inlove after being burned and having his heart shattered.
Art_Critic Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 No, not right now. He needs time to heal and put himself first. Maybe, in time, when he's ready and willing - But who's to say if he'll ever allow himself to fall deeply inlove after being burned and having his heart shattered. I agree....It takes a while..a year or more to get over the feelings of your life being in flux.. I wasn't ready for anything besides a rebound for almost a year.. I did have my rebound though.. 3-5 months after the divorce was final.. it lasted 6 months and then I was ready to seriously date again. My heart also wasn't shattered.. disappointed yes.. I divorced her..
alphamale Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 All my relationships seem to be rebounds. I must have had some childhood trauma I'm not aware of.
Art_Critic Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 All my relationships seem to be rebounds. I must have had some childhood trauma I'm not aware of. Something tells me that it was your parents that were traumatized
Pyro Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Is it possible to have any hope for a stable, lasting relationship with a guy JUST out of a divorce from a very tumultuous relationship where his heart was shattered? I'll go with the majority on this one. Chances are pretty much slim to none on this one. This guy will need some time to heal his shattered heart before anything serious.
Sand&Water Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Star Gazer, Is it possible to have any hope for a stable, lasting relationship with a guy JUST out of a divorce from a very tumultuous relationship where his heart was shattered? Look at it this way! Analogy: There is a chocolate chip cookie on the countertop. IF you eat the cookie too quickly, it will crumble to pieces in seconds. But IF you eat the cookie slowly and gently, it will not crumble. Tastes better, and has lasting flavor. It will be to your benefit. Something to think about, when dealing with a man just out of a divorce. Regards, Sand&Water
magichands Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Analogy: There is a chocolate chip cookie on the countertop. IF you eat the cookie too quickly, it will crumble to pieces in seconds. But IF you eat the cookie slowly and gently, it will not crumble. Tastes better, and has lasting flavor. It will be to your benefit. Sorry...I just stole your cookie. Too slow.
Fun2BMe Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Star Gazer, Look at it this way! Analogy: There is a chocolate chip cookie on the countertop. IF you eat the cookie too quickly, it will crumble to pieces in seconds. But IF you eat the cookie slowly and gently, it will not crumble. Tastes better, and has lasting flavor. It will be to your benefit. Something to think about, when dealing with a man just out of a divorce. Regards, Sand&Water Something else to think about is that if you leave the cookie on the countertop for too long, it will either get stale or somebody else will snatch it before you do. If you leave him because you think he needs some healing time, somebody else might think he's just tasty and right the way he is and the'll end up together instead of you. I'd start nibbling on that cookie and eat it before it's too late.
magichands Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 I'd start nibbling on that cookie and eat it before it's too late. Exactly. Swallow that sucker whole.
hindsfeet Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 im recently divorced, and falling in love is something i definitely want to do again. just because someone is divorced doesnt make them a marked person. you will need to be totally up front with him in the relationship though, there may be some trust issues. a big thing for me would be to find out why the divorce though. make sure your ready for the ride just as much as he is. if he is still going through it , the next few months for him will be very tough in all aspects. communication will be really important for you. let him know about your reservations in an upfront but loving manner so he can be more attentive as to how to approach you in yor relationship. don't play headgames with him though.
Art_Critic Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 im recently divorced, and falling in love is something i definitely want to do again. just because someone is divorced doesnt make them a marked person. I felt the same way when I was recently divorced.. now that I have lived thru it I understand why women would run when I would say I was recently divorced.. I used to get my feelings hurt when I was online dating and they would say " I'm sorry.. You haven't been divorced a year yet " After going thru it I now know why they were afraid of dating me..but at the time I couldn't see it.. 1 year after my divorce I was no where near the same person as the year before.. emotionally speaking.. in retrospect I was a wreck
RecordProducer Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 The point is that he gave her a cookie that's smashed already - he gave her crumbs from another woman. Before she can feel any taste, she is disgusted to even try it. It feels terrible to be with someone who is not emotionally available to you. I wouldn't even go there unless I feel the man is really, really worth the trouble. Her only chance is that he is not so much in love with his ex as much as his vanity is broken. In that case, he will easily forget his ex.
RecordProducer Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 After going thru it I now know why they were afraid of dating me..but at the time I couldn't see it.. 1 year after my divorce I was no where near the same person as the year before.. emotionally speaking.. in retrospect I was a wreckI really think that if we meet a great person - better than the ex, interesting, charming, fun, sweet, sexually attractive to us - we can switch from suffering for the ex to falling in love with the new lover very easily, even if it's only 3 months after the painful break-up. The problem is - it rarely happens.
Art_Critic Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 we can switch from suffering for the ex to falling in love with the new lover very easily, I never suffered for my ex.. I wanted the divorce.. sought it and got it. I was speaking of emotionally.. just going thru a divorce rocks your boat.. I never wanted her back.. but I couldn't believe that I was single.. that marriage isn't forever , that my dreams and future wasn't written in stone and come to the realization of all the errors that were made by me in the marriage. and I had to learn to rebuild my self esteem.. That takes time and cannot be fixed by having a new relationship
Author Star Gazer Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 The point is that he gave her a cookie that's smashed already - he gave her crumbs from another woman. Before she can feel any taste, she is disgusted to even try it. It feels terrible to be with someone who is not emotionally available to you. I wouldn't even go there unless I feel the man is really, really worth the trouble. Her only chance is that he is not so much in love with his ex as much as his vanity is broken. In that case, he will easily forget his ex. I am by no means disgusted by his "crumbs." In fact, I find his pain and emotional vulnerability quite disarming and attractive, for some odd reason. That said, it is clear that he isn't emotionally available right now, and who knows how long that will last. What is more, how do we EVER know at the beginning if ANYONE is really worth the trouble? Right now it feels like he is, but I am obviously having doubts. I do not think he is in love with his ex. He found out that one of his two children aren't his - she had multiple affairs. Certainly he is hurt, crushed even, but those "love" feelings aren't there at present. Who knows how this will go....
Recommended Posts