alfagrl Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 One of the proposals in my states ballet is to ban affirmative action & remove it from the state consitution. It is a very heated topic here. I say NO...Do not ban A.A. I debate tirelessly with coworkers all day who say YES ban it. I come home and tell my bf about my heated discussions at work to findout my bf is also going to vote YES! I know he's made off color comments about other minority racial groups in the past but i swiftly corrected his politcally incorrect statements and chocked it up as in the heat of the moment or pure ignorance. We are an interracial couple and I don't know if I can still see him if he votes YES! My stomach is in knots over this...am I over reacting? or do I have a problem here?
Almost Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 You said you are an "inter-racial" couple. May I ask which ethnic groups each of you belong to? I could easily see breaking up with someone over political views, if they were on topics or positions that were deal breakers for me, or if the views my SO held were very far away from my own, to the point we couldn't even talk about it without fighting. In terms of affirmative action, I think it has been necessary and for the most part a good thing. But I also think that it is technically unconstitutional and should eventually be replaced with something else. I think AA is unconstitutional because it singles out different minority groups for special treatment. Instead of singling them out for special negative treatment, it singles them out for special positive treatment. But it still singles people out for special treatment based on race. I think this is and should be unconstituational. I think the law should be color blind and everyone should be equal under the law. If you single some people out for special treatment based on race, even if it is for positive treatment, then that's not treating everyone equally under the law. I would support reforming affirmative action to focus on income levels rather than race. So poor people would get help getting into schools and getting jobs, rather than rich people who happened to be of a particular race. To the extent that some people from some ethnic groups tend to be poorer than average, they would still benefit from affirmative action, but because of their poverty instead of race. This would then diffuse all the negativity and backlash aimed by racists against affirmative action and make it more acceptable to everyone, while maintaining its effectiveness.
norajane Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 I would have a difficult time being with someone who didn't support women's rights, or made derogatory comments about women, or who truly believed Bush & Co. were leading this country in the right direction and fully supported the neo-cons. I can totally understand how your opposing views and his off-color comments could send your relationship into a tailspin. Are there other areas - political or not - where the two of you disagree? If this is the only one, maybe you can continue talking to him so he understands your viewpoint, you understand his, and can agree to disagree. If you can't agree to disagree, then you have a significant issue on your hands that could mean the end of your relationship. Give it some serious thought so you remain true to yourself and your beliefs.
Sand&Water Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Alfagrl, It is absolutely normal to be distressed, and troubled about political views in a relationship. It is part of discovering, and growing with one another. However, you are slightly over reacting. Don't slip, and slide into the "carriage-before-the-horse" school of thought. We are an interracial couple and I don't know if I can still see him if he votes YES! Wait until voting day. IF he does vote yes, then the man has ingrained his words in stone. Take a day or two to think about: (1) your boyfriend's overall personality. Voting, yes, doesn't make him a bloody criminal. (2) understanding, and over looking the differences. Does compatibility have a place and value in your relationship? Carefully think about the entire situation, along with the nature of your tolerance. Good Luck, Sand&Water
ace88 Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I don't think you should break up with your boyfriend just because he voted against affirmative action. If he makes a lot of racially insensitive comments, that might be reason to break up with him, but not for simply voting against AA. Many African Americans, I believe, simply vote for AA because that is what they have been raised to do or because they view that as being what they are owed. The truth is, however, that when you make different rules for different races, it only hurts in the long run and causes more societal discord. If we all came from Adam and Eve, we are all ONE race, the HUMAN one. It is about time we started acting like it. If African Americans want to make it big with their jobs, etc, AA is not the way to go. What has to change is their own family structures, and the educational system. These kids are being born out of wedlock, with single parents, often alcoholics or on drugs...the kids have no chance. There needs to be a lack of blaming of society and more personal responsibility in emphasis. The INTENT of AA is good, but the end result is poor. Just because your boyfriend is against AA does not mean he is racist in any way.
SmoochieFace Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Just because your boyfriend is against AA does not mean he is racist in any way. Excellent statement and I agree 100%!
Author alfagrl Posted November 8, 2006 Author Posted November 8, 2006 I don't think you should break up with your boyfriend just because he voted against affirmative action. It is absolutely normal to be distressed, and troubled about political views in a relationship. At times we don't agree politcally and its ok. But this topic is much deeper. I am a minority, I am a women and AA helps protect people like me. When people of color and women have been oppressed for hunderds of years a large gap has been created in the context of opportunity. Until this is no longer an issue in the work place, education, housing, banking, social and politcal venues we will need affirmative action. If one group of people (white males) have had a running head start for 400+ yrs. All minority groups are going to need more than 45 yrs (civil rights) give to catch up IMO. To vote yes on proposal 2 (ban AA) tells me you don't see this or don't care. it tells me you think there is no longer the need for AA thus believing no more racism, sexism or discrimination which is absolutly untrue. It also makes me believe he could think the way Ace88 thinks, If African Americans want to make it big with their jobs, etc, AA is not the way to go. What has to change is their own family structures, and the educational system. These kids are being born out of wedlock, with single parents, often alcoholics or on drugs...the kids have no chance. There needs to be a lack of blaming of society and more personal responsibility in emphasis. If my bf believed this it would just hurt. This line of thinking proves my case for AA because there are people still stereotyping and discriminating. Plus I find it disheartning that he would side with the KKK who is in full force in my state rallying at ban AA.
Touche Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 Ace, well stated. I agree. As for the OP, it's not impossible to have a relationship with someone who is politically not on the same page but for me it would be difficult. It usually spills over into other areas that you differ on...basic and fundamental areas such as child-rearing and financial matters, etc. Usually..not always. Look at the whole relationship. Is there more good than bad? That's what I'd base it on. Also, on the BASIC things I spoke of, are you on the same page?
Almost Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 If African Americans want to make it big with their jobs, etc, AA is not the way to go. What has to change is their own family structures, and the educational system. These kids are being born out of wedlock, with single parents, often alcoholics or on drugs...the kids have no chance. There needs to be a lack of blaming of society and more personal responsibility in emphasis. I find the above statement to be racist. It's loaded with stereotypes and slanders. When people of color and women have been oppressed for hunderds of years a large gap has been created in the context of opportunity. Until this is no longer an issue in the work place, education, housing, banking, social and politcal venues we will need affirmative action. If one group of people (white males) have had a running head start for 400+ yrs. All minority groups are going to need more than 45 yrs (civil rights) give to catch up IMO. To vote yes on proposal 2 (ban AA) tells me you don't see this or don't care. it tells me you think there is no longer the need for AA thus believing no more racism, sexism or discrimination which is absolutly untrue. I agree that racism and sexism still exist, and that there has been a need for AA to combat it. But I also think that at some point, AA actually helps perpetuate racism rather than helping to end it. So I don't think it's true that we need AA until all racism and sexism is gone from every person's heart and mind. That probably will never happen. Things will get better but you're never going to win over everyone. While there has been a need for AA, AA itself is basically a racist policy, and will increasingly become an impediment to the problem it attempts to solve. So it should be done away with after one generation or so. We're getting close to one generation after 40 years or so. Give it another decade or two, and then replace it with a reformed AA policy based on poverty rather than race, as I described above. Plus I find it disheartning that he would side with the KKK who is in full force in my state rallying at ban AA. That's why this is such a tough issue, because there are a lot of real racists who want to get rid of AA because they just want to be racist. However that doesn't mean that everyone who votes against AA is a racist. There are a lot of minorities who are against AA, although they are in the minority. Kind of like black republicans. But obviously if someone is actually cheering on the KKK then they are racist.
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