noforgiveness Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 deep down do you think they know even though you've protected them? We've had no arguments in front of the kids. My kids are both very involved in sports and our arguments have been in the evenings when they are on the fields. I'm sure they can feel the tension though. but i think they know. It was my best friend. She was a fixture in my house when her husband left her. She went from constantly over to no mention of. My daughter once asked in front of my son why she's not around aND I just said we all needed the break that the drama with her divorce was getting to be too much. She needed single friends blah blah blah. No other questions asked. Do they knoW? you're experiences.
whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Yes, I think so. Kids aren't stupid...They pick up on certain energies in the house, and can feel stress in the air. Also, (hate to say it) but kids snoop and are nosy. They hide and listen in, to find out what is going on. Problem with that is, they only hear bits and pieces, which then in turn could just confuse them more because they don't know the whole story. Good thing is, if your kids are not showing any kind of worries, or not acting out, are sleeping well, I wouldn't worry too much. But, if you are concerned, just make sure you and your husband spend quality time with them, making sure THEY know how much you love them! You can never tell your child enough times how much you love 'em!! So, they may not "know" exactly what happened, and to be honest, they shouldn't know. It's adult stuff.
Author noforgiveness Posted November 5, 2006 Author Posted November 5, 2006 Thanks. No no problems with the kids at all. They're happy. I just wonder because it went from her here all the time calling all the time to NOTHING. You would think more would be asked. they're young pre teen/teen.
whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Pre-teen I can see wondering...But the teen? LOL (and no offense I hope) Teens are all about "ME ME and ME!!" A friend of mine recently has realized how selfish her daughter is, and we've chalked it up to being 16 and having the world revolve around them.
Author noforgiveness Posted November 5, 2006 Author Posted November 5, 2006 Pre-teen I can see wondering...But the teen? LOL (and no offense I hope) Teens are all about "ME ME and ME!!" A friend of mine recently has realized how selfish her daughter is, and we've chalked it up to being 16 and having the world revolve around them. lol it was the preteen who asked. So maybe they don't know and are wrapped up in themselves? ages 11 will be 12 VERY soon and 14.
Chapter2 Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 My sister and I knew and my parents NEVER fought in front of us. They thought they kept EVERYTHING completely hidden. We seemed happy and well adjusted--no signs of any problems at all. My sister and I just wanted it to disappear because it was so painful. You could cut the tension, anger, resentment and bitterness with a knife--but they never fought or said harsh words. Perfect couple in front of us. Fighting when the kids aren't home doesn't mean they don't pick up on everything else. Kids go through denial as well because they're battling the internal voice that's saying its somehow all their fault that mommy and daddy are having problems. I've done a lot of reading on what kids go through when parents stay together and when they divorce and have found that my sister and I dealt with it pretty much exactly the way other kids do. My parents stayed together for six years after the betrayal. Marriage counseling, individual counseling for three years...three full years. Kids are amazingly perceptive and smart and just because you think they're only into themselves doesn't mean they don't know. You're in deep denial if you really think they don't. Affairs damage everyone. The BS, the WS, the OW/OM, all the children, grandparents, friends, you name it. Everyone gets hurt by the wreckage.
lasan Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Yes they probably know. Atleast something. My friend, the reason I started coming here, is going to divorce his wife. She is/has been cheating. They do not have children together but she brought children to their marriage. He worries about what is going to happen to them. She cheated on their father as well (not with my friend) and that is why they are divorced. I wonder if she ever stopped to think about what all of her cheating does to her children.
yousaveme Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Kids are smart...They can sense when something isnt right...They might not exactly come out and ask but they might go around it...And ask in another way... I have seen that recently in my situtation...
Romeo Must Die Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 I had four children. My oldest son died in an auto accident at seventeen. I was five months pregnant with my last child and two little ones to look after. My husband took the kids to the park sometimes so that I could rest. The other woman lived two houses down from the park. Soon, the other woman was introduced to my kids lives as Dad's "friend" and the kids (getting them together) was the little game they played to cover for my husbands and OW's affair. Later on, I would discover that I was demonized as a bad mom - OW, of course, was a wonderful mother. My children were used and lied to and manipulated like I was. OW babysat for us when I went to the hospital to have my baby, at my husbands insistance. Almost a year later when D-Day hit, I refused to allow my children over there anymore and they used the kids as a tug of war against me. He would sneak them over there and told them not to tell me or I would punish them. There were times when she drove past me with my kids in her car and I had no idea. Funny huh. I discovered the truth after I found the OW's daughters jacket in his truck. Her name was on it. Hubby still lied and denied (that was from last year, I dont know) and the twist to the story (to tell or not to tell) it was my own children who told me the truth. Finally, I talked to my kids and I told them EVERYTHING and also gave my oldest son her tell-all letters to me for him to read. My kids will have nothing to do with her or her children ever again. For revenge, the OW wrote an annonymous letter to human services to get my kids taken away from me to spite me. When that didn't work, she wrote graffiti on my deceased sons memorial "Romeo will never see her son for all the sins she has done" Karma stepped in. Less than a year later she was under investigation for kicking her 12 year old daughter down the basement stairs and beating her and locking her inside. The daughter escaped and went to a neighbor for help and they phoned the police. The police report was 2 1/2 pages long, detailing the abuse in that house. The daughter went to a home for a month and was later placed with a relative.
Freedom Now Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 I had four children. My oldest son died in an auto accident at seventeen. I was five months pregnant with my last child and two little ones to look after. My husband took the kids to the park sometimes so that I could rest. The other woman lived two houses down from the park. Soon, the other woman was introduced to my kids lives as Dad's "friend" and the kids (getting them together) was the little game they played to cover for my husbands and OW's affair. Later on, I would discover that I was demonized as a bad mom - OW, of course, was a wonderful mother. My children were used and lied to and manipulated like I was. OW babysat for us when I went to the hospital to have my baby, at my husbands insistance. Almost a year later when D-Day hit, I refused to allow my children over there anymore and they used the kids as a tug of war against me. He would sneak them over there and told them not to tell me or I would punish them. There were times when she drove past me with my kids in her car and I had no idea. Funny huh. I discovered the truth after I found the OW's daughters jacket in his truck. Her name was on it. Hubby still lied and denied (that was from last year, I dont know) and the twist to the story (to tell or not to tell) it was my own children who told me the truth. Finally, I talked to my kids and I told them EVERYTHING and also gave my oldest son her tell-all letters to me for him to read. My kids will have nothing to do with her or her children ever again. For revenge, the OW wrote an annonymous letter to human services to get my kids taken away from me to spite me. When that didn't work, she wrote graffiti on my deceased sons memorial "Romeo will never see her son for all the sins she has done" Karma stepped in. Less than a year later she was under investigation for kicking her 12 year old daughter down the basement stairs and beating her and locking her inside. The daughter escaped and went to a neighbor for help and they phoned the police. The police report was 2 1/2 pages long, detailing the abuse in that house. The daughter went to a home for a month and was later placed with a relative. \ Romeo.... That sucks. What that woman did to you was inhuman. I hope you find peace. Freedom Now
Chapter2 Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Thank you for sharing some of your story. I am so, so sorry for what you have been through. I can't imagine the hell storm you have endured. I had four children. My oldest son died in an auto accident at seventeen. I was five months pregnant with my last child and two little ones to look after. My husband took the kids to the park sometimes so that I could rest. The other woman lived two houses down from the park. Soon, the other woman was introduced to my kids lives as Dad's "friend" and the kids (getting them together) was the little game they played to cover for my husbands and OW's affair. Later on, I would discover that I was demonized as a bad mom - OW, of course, was a wonderful mother. My children were used and lied to and manipulated like I was. OW babysat for us when I went to the hospital to have my baby, at my husbands insistance. Almost a year later when D-Day hit, I refused to allow my children over there anymore and they used the kids as a tug of war against me. He would sneak them over there and told them not to tell me or I would punish them. There were times when she drove past me with my kids in her car and I had no idea. Funny huh. I discovered the truth after I found the OW's daughters jacket in his truck. Her name was on it. Hubby still lied and denied (that was from last year, I dont know) and the twist to the story (to tell or not to tell) it was my own children who told me the truth. Finally, I talked to my kids and I told them EVERYTHING and also gave my oldest son her tell-all letters to me for him to read. My kids will have nothing to do with her or her children ever again. For revenge, the OW wrote an annonymous letter to human services to get my kids taken away from me to spite me. When that didn't work, she wrote graffiti on my deceased sons memorial "Romeo will never see her son for all the sins she has done" Karma stepped in. Less than a year later she was under investigation for kicking her 12 year old daughter down the basement stairs and beating her and locking her inside. The daughter escaped and went to a neighbor for help and they phoned the police. The police report was 2 1/2 pages long, detailing the abuse in that house. The daughter went to a home for a month and was later placed with a relative.
InaPanic Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 children should never be used as a means to revenge by the BS or the WS either one. and no matter what one spouse does to another i don't think that kids want to hear bad things about their parents. My mom talked about my father in a most horrible way. Was he bad? yes, did i need to know the details from young age on? no way. It makes kids feel weird to hear one parent putting down the other. I know from experience. the original question tho. I'm wondering the same thing about my kids. Not my youngest so much as my oldest. I had an affair but it was a long distance affair. so it was mainly online/phone. my husband & i have done all we can to keep the household as normal. it hasn't been as difficult as one might expect. the kids seem just like they always have. so i hope they don't know. i debated whether to talk to the oldest because i'd rather she heard the true details than something she dreams up. but as someone else stated, this is adult matters, not for kids. maybe when she's an adult, if the subject comes up then i will confess to her what i did. but i don't think it would do her one bit of good to know details right now. She may suspect something was wrong with mommy (when i was having a breakdown & crying all the time) but i dont' think she knows fully. and i hope she never does.
Romeo Must Die Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Thanks so much ladies. Keep your heads up, and above all else, stay strong for your kids. They need their mommies as much as you need them.
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