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Posted

I have been dating this girl for a little over a month now, probably a month and a half, though we have only been "exclusive" for about 2 weeks. The only difference was that there was a title, we have been exclusive the entire time, it just wasn't official.

 

We had sex the first night, long story, but it's not something that was planned, just happened. She just moved here from Colorado at the beginning of the school year and had a boyfriend of about 2 years that cheated on her for a month behind her back (the girl he cheated on her with is now pregnant). We talked about this the first night and I felt sorry for her; I know how it feels.

 

Over the next couple of weeks, we ended up having sex a total of five times (including the first time). Then, one day, she said she does not want to have sex again until we are in a relationship. I was cool with this and understood her completely; the only reason her ex was with her for the last couple of months was for sex. I also told her that sex with her was more than just sex to me, it feels how sex is supposed to feel if you genuinely care about the person.

 

We made it official, and then this past week I told her that I don't want/need sex all the time, but I do want to have sex with her because I feel physical intimacy is important in relationships (am I wrong here?). She understood, and then a couple of days later she said she does not want to have sex. She said she doesn't know why, she just has no desire to. I told her it felt like she was playing with my head because she said 'not until we are in a relationship', and I was fine with that, and now she is saying she doesn't want to even though we are in a relationship. She sees how I feel that way but tells me that's not the case. I told her that if she wants to see if our relationship is more than just sex to tell me but that's not the case either.

 

I said I respect her wishes, but at the same time I'm not going to just wait around forever for her to decide when she wants to have sex. I don't care about her just for sex, but I have my wants and I don't think they are unreasonable, especially when you consider that we have already had sex. I was also not trying to threaten her/coerce her into having sex with me, that's just how I feel. Another thing I don't understand is that her ex was a complete ******* to her and treated her like ****, and she had sex with him, but then I treat her very well and she won't with me. She asked what would happen if my patience runs out and I said I don't know.

 

What could be going on that made her all of the sudden have no desire to have sex with me? She said it's nothing I did and that she cares about me a lot; her exact words were that she looks forward to going to school because of me, I make her happy, etc. She also has no idea why she feels this way. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to have sex with her?

 

I just need some serious advice on how to deal with this situation.

Posted

If you can't hang, break up with her. Now, rather than later, before she gets the idea that you're ok with waiting but you're really not. It will be more painful for her, the longer you wait.

 

You're not unreasonable, but you'll just get more frustrated and start to take it out on her. She clearly has some issues and perhaps isn't ready to date someone.

 

I let men know right away that sex won't be happening for awhile and if they can't deal, walk away. Most of them do.

  • Author
Posted

It would be different if we hadn't already had sex though, you know?

 

Or if we were being physically intimate in some other way, but she has never given head/handjobs before and it doesn't seem like she is interested in trying.

 

Also, she said she knows she is being unfair to me. The question is, why would one intentionally be unfair?

Posted

Women are hard to understand. Even women don't understand women. Obviously something is going on with her... either she didn't enjoy the sex or something in her environment made her feel like having sex was the wrong thing to do. ,

 

She's got some stuff to work out... she can't expect you to want to stay with her with an open ended question about sex. That is why I make it clear from the beginning because it IS unfair to hold a man hostage and dangle sex in front of him like a carrot to a racehorse.

  • Author
Posted

Lol, no need to tell me women are hard to understand. I'm only 18 and I have known that for years.

 

I asked her if I was doing something wrong during sex that she didn't like, and she said that wasn't the case either, she just "has no desire to have sex and doesn't know why."

 

I'm a very cynical person, and I just find it too convenient that she told me she does not want to have sex 2 days after I told her now that we are in a relationship I want to have sex. I made it very, VERY clear to her that I genuinely care about it and that is not all I think she is good for, and that I do not need it all the time (is 1-3 times/week reasonable?), but I do want to have sex.

Posted

She may think that you just "made it official" just in order to be able to sleep with her again. You probably need to reassure her that this is not the case.

  • Author
Posted

I also told her that.

Posted

try another girl. this girl probably has some issues.

Posted

You're only 18, so I take it she's pretty young. I don't think she's being unreasonable in not wanting to have sex with anyone at that age, especially since she knows, from her previous sexual relationship, just how tricky (and dangerous) sex can be. Just because she's already done it with you doens't mean she cna't change her mind. Sounds to me like she feels like she's made some sexual mistakes in the past and is trying to learn from them.

 

That's not to say you should wait for her. But I mean, you're only 18, she's probably younger, and you've been togehter 1 month... it's a little pushy of you to "expect" sex under those circumstances IMO. Even if you're already done it.

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