is there still a chance he wants to be with me?

[Guest]

my boyfriend of a year broke up with me 3 months ago because he said we fought too much and he wanted to be single and spend all his time with his friends. hes 22 and im 20. for most of the time we were together things were great, we have everything in common, we had so many amazing memories, and we even talked about moving in together and getting married. well ever since we broke up at first we did no contact, then we talked on the phone almost everyday but he said he still cared about me and had feelings for me but he didnt want a girlfriend and he didnt think it could work with us.

 

then we hung out one night and had an amazing time and he mentioned getting back together. so we started hanging out again and seeing how things so. for a week things were amazing again and he said how much he had missed me. then he changed again and said he didnt want to try to make things work. then he changed his mind again and we started hanging out again. it was like everyday he changed his mind about what he wanted. so i got sick of it and went no contact for a week. when i finally did call him again instead of the sad, crying, begging ex girlfriend he was used to, i was happy and made him laugh and asked him if he wanted to just be friends. instead of reassuring him that i was not interested in other guys like i usually do, i talked a lil about going on dates with some guys i had met to make him think i was moving on. he seemed surprised at my change in behavior but said he wanted to be friends and we arranged for me to come over the next day and pick up some things i had left at his house.

 

when i got there he invited me in and we ended up laying in his bed just talking and joking around, laughing, and he even ended up kissing me. everytime i tried to leave he pulled me back and asked me to stay. it was like when we had first started dating. the next day i called him and asked him if he still wanted to be friends and hang out. he said "whats the point? its not like its gonna go anywhere." and i asked him what he meant and he said "seeing you again made my feelings kind of come back but you just want to be friends so i know i cant be with you." he admitted to still having feelings for me and that hanging out with me again made him think of all the good times we had together. we ended up seeing each other a few days later and having another amazing night together. the next day when i talked to him he said all the same things again about how he didnt know if we should be friends anymore because everytime he sees me his feelings come back and that if i would just stop talking to so many other guys he would maybe want to get back together.

 

well i just said i wanted to be friends and changed the subject. so we saw each other yet again and had another good night. when i left he kissed me goodbye and asked me to call him again. when i called him a couple days later he acted different. he said he didnt really wanna talk because he didnt like talking on the phone and he said he would call me in like an hour when the television show he was watching is over. well i waited and waited and didnt get a call so i called him and he said he was sleeping. when i asked him about calling me he said oops i forgot. well it really hurt my feelings because i thought things were going good and that his feelings were coming back but he didnt even think of me long enough to remember to call me back. well we kind of got into a fight about it and hung up mad.

 

the next day i called him to apologize and asked him if i could come over and hang out. i was very surprised but he said yes if i wanted to. so i said well im not sure, ill think about it i have kind of alot of homework to do. he was like what the heck? well just call me whenever you know what you wanna do. well after about 15 mins he doesnt wait for me to call him but instead calls me back and asks me if i decided what i wanted to do yet and said he wanted me to come over. so i came over and things went well again. well i didnt talk to him for a day or so and then he calls me last night and asks me what im doing and i say im getting ready to go out. well he gets kind of mad and jealous because im going to a party and theres going to be guys there.

 

well i say i cant talk because i have to get ready and he says whatever bye. call me sometime when you're not too busy to talk to me. so i tried calling him all day today even though i knew he was working because i figured he could call me on break but he never did. he finally called me at 6:00 tonight when he got off. i asked him if he wanted to hang out tonight but he said he had a party he was going to with his family and family's friends. he then said well you can probly come if you want. but i said no thats ok i dont want it to be awkward or something. so he said ok call me sometime and we hung up. well i thought about it and decided i wanted to see him so i called him back and now he said well i dont know if i want you to go, i kind of just want to spend time with them tonight. i couldnt believe it, if his feelings were coming back then he would want to see me not blow me off. he said call me tomorrow or monday and we can probly hang out again. so i just said whatever bye.

 

i just dont get whats going on here. things go from great to horrible every other day. one day he acts like he wants to be with me and then the next he doesnt even want to see me. i need some opinions on this whole situation. is there still a chance for us? does he maybe still want to get back together, is he confused??

 

what can i do to maybe help his feelings come back? should i do no contact for a few days and not call him tomorrow or monday like he told me to and not hang out with him monday like he mentioned??? should i tell him how i really feel and ask him how he honestly feels about me?? any advice or explanation of how he might be feeling would be appreciated!!

[Violet87]

Well, there's no sure way to help make his feelings come back. That's something he's gonna have to do on his own. He sounds pretty indecisive as well.

 

First be upfront with him with your feelings and what you want, thus the ball is in his court. Either he wants to be with you or doesn't. I wouldn't put off other dates either. He's gonna have to make that decision himself.

 

He doesn't seem like he really wants to be in a relationship, but doesn't want you to move on either. After you tell him your feelings, if things still are the same for you two, drop contact period.

[miss snoopy]

I agree with Violet. I went through a similar period of limited contact, and what I think you should do is:

 

Let him know how you feel and what you want - but just once. From your post I'd say you too are sending him mixed messages, you're effectively trying to mirror his behaviour which isn't going to work as you're both at different places at the moment. He's only human so he's confused. Limited contact/"friends" does this. Once you have done this..

 

Initiate NC. Not in an aggressive "I hate you" manner, but just stop contacting him, don't mention guys you're seeing... just give him space and let him miss you. You see, if he doesn't have the space how can he really convince himself he does/doesn't want to be with you? There's also the chance you guys won't get back together, ever, so NC helps you heal and move on.

 

Thant's my 2 cents...