Messed_Up Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Right this might be abit long but I would really appreciate you reading it and giving any advice you can because right now my head is screwed! I have been sleeping with this guy since January, I really like him and he told me he liked me too...when we 1st slept together he said after he didnt want a relationship! Anyway, we carried on sleeping with each other. Then about a month ago, his mate told me he really liked this other girl, so I confronted him and he said yeah i do but she has a bf. Anyway we stopped seeing each other and i kissed someone else at a party he found out, rung me up and went mad...we stopped talking for about 3 weeks and then i contacted him and said that i hope we can still be mates...he said yeh and invited me round his house, we ended up sleeping with each other! Ive slept with him 3 times since and he's been really nice, then last night he asked if i wanted to move in with him...he then said but if i brought a girl home would it bother you!!! Im just confused, i feel like hes just using me for sex, but then why was he so bothered about me kissing someone else...and why ask me to move in with him and then ask that!! I feel like i should stop seeing him all together but i dont feel like im strong enough...the thought of it, just makes me burst into tears. Please help me someone, just give me some advice. I cant even talk to mates because they are all his mates too!!!
melodymatters Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Sweetie, I feel for you. In this case I'm going to just go back to the old adage of " actions speak louder than words". Any man I had ANYTHING serious with, made it very clear they wer'ent going to see anyone else and they didn't want me to either. It sounds like this guy is a selfish flake who wants his cake and to eat it too. If he hasn't decided to have a real relationship with you by now, nearly a year later, it's probably best to move on. And DON'T move in with him, he'll take you even more for granted !!!
Author Messed_Up Posted November 4, 2006 Author Posted November 4, 2006 I know I should just forget about him but its SOOO hard. Ive known him for 10 years and when i think right thats it...I tell him i dont wanna see him no more...then it lasts a few days and I just HAVE to ring him...i cant stop myself. then it all just starts again, im just not strong enough to keep away but i know its just gonna hurt so much more when he does eventually say hes with someone!!
Davis Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Messed! Stop sleeping with him!! You should have bailed when he said he did not want a relationship! Yes, I think you were just his booty call. Few guys will turn down a woman for sex. You have to learn to have respect for yourself. Sleeping with a guy that's just using you for sex and doesn't repect you only damages your respect for yourself and your self esteem. He was made you were kissing another because he was losing his booty call! He asked you to move in to control you and the situation. But does that mean that he REALLY cares about you and that this is a relationship that will work out? I doubt it. I don't want to be harsh, but YES you can do without him and YES you can do better. I know you really like him, but (and I know you won't like this) but it's time for you to get back on the dating scene and go on some dates. I know how much it hurts, but there are lots of great guys out there that will respect you and like you for you. So: NC, work on your insecurity and repect issues, go out with friends and accept a couple of dates even if you don't want to. You can kiss any guy you want - you're single! And NO MORE booty calls! NO WAY! It will get better, I promise!
Fun2BMe Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Why don't you be upfront with him, what have you got to lose? Tell him you'd love to move in with him and be together, however since he does not want to be in a relationship with you, then you cannot do this. Tell him that when he brings girls over, this will be very hurtful for you and that since he doesn't have as strong feelings for you that you do towards him, that he may not understand this but if in the future he should fall in love with you and decide to be exclusive, then you might consider this proposition more seriously. Think of it that had he not told you he'd be bringing girls over and doing so behind your back, misleading you to think that he wanted to be in a relationship with you when he really doesn't, how much more you'd be crying. Stop the tears and deal with the reality of the situation and be upfront with him. He was upset you kissed another guy because I think he does have feelings for you, but until you toughen up and make clear the boundaries you expect and want, he will feel free to have you on the side while he chases other girls.
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