whatarewedoing Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 This man and I have been off and on again for 2 years. We did ok the first go-around. The best we could for the circumstances. Unfortuntatly I was on the rebound from a short marriage and he was still recovering from a broken heart. My fault was I really wasn't ready to "settledown". And his was he wasn't ready to "open Up" Eventually however, We became attached, fell in love and then just when things started to look up .... NOTHING he decided to move out of state just 6 months after we started becoming "serious". I tried to keep my cool.. being supportive of his decisions to make something of his life. I helped him pack find schools (basically took care of everthing he would need for his transistion). We decided to enjoy the time we had left until I realized I was too emotionally involved to try and pretend the whole situation was ok. Unaware that we were going to start a trend... We kept seeing each other ... and still do(a move that was suppose to happen in a month, to this day 1 1/2 years later .. has YET to happen). I was confused for a while as to what we were .. until the call. He had always said he was a "one-moman" man. HA well he met someone. He and I could "no longer be" (whatever it is we were). He wanted to give them a chance... so I respectfully (with my broken heart) backed off. NOT a month later.... ring, ring HE starts calling, no mentioning of her. I thought we were going to really give us a chance. Until I found out.. not only was she still in the picture.. but she was 2 months pregnant. .. but then again... so was I. He tried convincing us that he wasn't ready. Neither was I... however she kept hers. I have never been more ashamed or heart broken in my life... I was a fool to listen to him and not stand up myself. Reguardless.. she knew NOTHING OF ME... until one day I ADVISED HER. I felt she had every right to know that their entire relationship was a lie. He livid with me called "us" off again.. which was fine with me! BUT i still loved him. 3 months later... they are still together and I myself has moved on as well. UNTIL RING RING he misses me .. i Fall again and for the past 6 months we have been having an affair. WHY WHY WHY why can't this man and I leave each other alone. To me the cheating is wrong... I would have never looked myself as a cheater before him. I can't say no to him.. Why can't he stop calling me?? What is it that makes a man keep coming around??? PLEASE ANY FEED BACK i keep thinking someone sees it differently than I do.. he wont open up.. maybe i can get a mans opinion to understand what he may be feeling or thinking. HELP
Guest Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 My post mixed signals touches base a bit on this subject.
Author whatarewedoing Posted November 4, 2006 Author Posted November 4, 2006 just wanted to rephrase the last bit of that post... men and women both.. i would love to hear anyones thoughts or feelings towards the situation thank you for your time
GreenEyedLady Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 WAWD: I really try not to pass judgement on people, but (you were waiting for the but, right?) he is not good for you...he is playing you because he can...he is treating you awfully... you seem like you know this, so I'm not sure what to tell you...either accept that this is the way it's going to be or get out...really sorry about the pregnancy story...make YOUR own decisions in life...YOU can decide to leave or stay, take his calls or block his calls...it is YOUR decision...
Author whatarewedoing Posted November 4, 2006 Author Posted November 4, 2006 i know what I SHOULD do.. and while Im finding the strength to end things with him, I am faced with a few more opsticals. HER. I have warned her once about his (i guess our) inability to stay faithful in the past. A new "promise ring" I discovered on his hand the other leads me to believe things are getting even more serious between them. She took him back for whatever reason. (wether she loves him, or wanted to stay for the baby b/c she has no-where else to go.. or whatever). NOW as a woman.. I would want to know if my BF was cheating on me AGAIN with THE SAME person (she has caught us actually a few times now, and took him back again and again). BUT should I be the woman to tell her he is again taking advantage of her trust... or do I leave it between them??? AS A WOMAN WOULD YOU WANT THE O/W TO TELL YOU???
GreenEyedLady Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I think that your intention in telling her is that you want her man and that you think that if you tell her, she'll break up with him. This never works. You shouldn't have to rely on other people to make another's decision for him. If he wants to be with you, he will. And no, I don't believe it's the OW's place to tell...Good luck...
Author whatarewedoing Posted November 4, 2006 Author Posted November 4, 2006 tough love... thank you that is just what i needed !!! any one else??
Author whatarewedoing Posted November 4, 2006 Author Posted November 4, 2006 according to him no... i saw him this week with a ring on and he wasn't trying to hide it. i asked him what the hell it was... his reply was "one of those friendship/promise ring things" i honestly wouldn't be able to tell you wether or not they really are. they do live together.. infact he family just co-signed for them to rent a place together.. they had the child months ago and just "celebrated" their one-year aniv. i see him about 1-3 times a week. ha
pricillia Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I know that you are in pain here... Do you honestly want to be with this man? What are some of the things he tells you?
Author whatarewedoing Posted November 4, 2006 Author Posted November 4, 2006 thats the thing about him.. he keeps things very hush hush. and to be honest I DONT WANT TO BE WITH HIM he is all wrong for me .. done nothing with his life is spoiled rotten and needs constant attention(i think as a result of being an only child). as far as how he treats me ... calls me private (i dont even have his phone number anymore) so i only hear from him when it suits him. BUT when we are together... ahhhh when we are together he is amazing he is sweet and tender, attentive, and passionate protective (very protective of me) . this is how he has always been though..... when we are together he is perfect ONLY exception... he never talks about leaving her or the child .. he never talks about our future (or if there is no future) he honestly just keeps everything on the surface when it comes to talk about "us" the minute we split he is like a whole new person... only concerned with himself and his life and he become VERY VERY PROTECTIVE OF HER?????? ... greedy and grrrrr its like he is bi-polar HE HONESTLY IS DRIVING ME CRAZY??? SORRY THIS IS SO MIS-COM-BOBULATED IM JUST SO CONFUSED... WHY CAN'T WE LET GO??? WHY CANT I BE STRONG??
pricillia Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 now that there is a child in the picture he has to think of the child here. If I were you I would ask him what his intentions are. When he answers you notice his body language as well, don't just take his word for it.
Guest Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 It sounds like "SHE" as you call her is the type of woman that he wants to be in a relationship with and you are a good f**k. If that's how you want to live, go for it. You can't get the time back that you waste with him, but it's your life.
PoshPrincess Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 It sounds like "SHE" as you call her is the type of woman that he wants to be in a relationship with and you are a good f**k. If that's how you want to live, go for it. You can't get the time back that you waste with him, but it's your life. V constructive. V sympathetic - NOT!
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