2 weeks ago he's bashing my head in: Today, he's back on Yahoo personals !

[melodymatters]

Ok, I know this shouldn't bother me, but I could use a little reminding from my LS pals !

 

backstory is :After a serious year long relationship in which I did everything including taking out a 20k loan to put him in business, he got drunk and beat my head into my car leaving dents, and could have killed me if somone wasn't there to pull him off.

 

Today, Just to kill time, I do a free search on yahoo personals and who's the first person to pop up as a " newly added profile" ? You guessed it, the head basher !!!

 

Of course I'm way better off without him and anyone who gets involved with him will likely end up with a concussion as well, but it hurts to see somone who did you so wrong, be SO ready to move on !!

 

My instincts want to write him a nasty answer, but my better self says : let it go.

 

Any advice or at least virtual hugs ?????

[Guest]

A person sick enough to bash your head in doesn't exactly have good judgment. So that he's ready to 'move on' means nothing. He didn't love you - you were an instrument to vent his anger on. So of course you're replaceable.

 

I'm concerned for his next victim, frankly. I wish there was a way you could get him blacklisted or something.

 

Have a bunch of hugs - and forget him, what he does, or anything else about him.

[Touche]

Ok, I'm sending you a virtual hug! And you should be SO proud of yourself for getting rid of the bum.

 

Oh and yeah...listen to your better self as you put it. She knows what she's talking about. No good will come from sending that note. Make him a distant memory. Stop thinking about him and move on just like he apparently has. Be glad he's not your problem anymore.

[alphamale]

:hugs & kisses from alpha:

 

that is sooo gay, i can't believe I did that

[melodymatters]

Awwww, you came out of the closet just for little ol me ? Thanks alpha ! I hear Doogie howser's single...

 

really, thanks touche & alpha, it was just a shock and made me feel like the whole last year was lie !

 

I'm sitting home trying to eat and sleep and get undepressed and he's already worrying about hooking up !

[burning 4 revenge]

Awwww, you came out of the closet just for little ol me ? Thanks alpha ! I hear Doogie howser's single...

[Touche]

Why are you so surprised? Look at his character. He's an abuser. Not a good guy. Don't let him rob you of one more minute of your life! Consider yourself lucky that all you gave up was one year. Look how many of us wasted so much more time with guys like this.

 

Now stop being depressed!

[burning 4 revenge]

Look how many of us wasted so much more time with guys like this.

Why do so many women waste so much time with guys like this. I'm not going to start another "nice guy" thread, but there's something fundamentally unsound in the feminine character.

[alphamale]

Why do so many women waste so much time with guys like this. .

because many women's inherent low self-esteem makes them want to be treated like dirt. generally, the better looking they are the lower their self-esteem.

 

thats a little free inside tip for you boys out there...

[melodymatters]

You are SO damn right my friend ! Now for a free tip for us " good looking low self esteem" woman.

 

WHY ??? WHY ???

 

Any Idea's WHY good looking, nice succesful woman go for dirtbags and have low self esteem ???

 

I know I do it, but I honestly am not quite as sure as to why, so any thoughts will be considered......

[Touche]

Why do so many women waste so much time with guys like this. I'm not going to start another "nice guy" thread, but there's something fundamentally unsound in the feminine character.

 

Great question Burning. And yes, there WAS something unsound about my character...but this is not just unique to the "feminine" character. There are male doormats as well. Hey, YOU should know!

 

In my case, I was a different person. I've changed. I would never put up with that type of behavior now. I had no self-esteem and I think I was looking for a father figure since I lost my father at a very young age. I mean I've gone back and analyzed just WHY I put up with it for so long and that's the best I can come up with.

 

I admired his strenth and his power. And by the time he started using his strength and power against me, I was madly in love with him and couldn't muster up the courage to leave him...well I did actually. Several times. But always came back...until the last and final time.

 

Some of us eventually get wise and some don't.

[Touche]

You are SO damn right my friend ! Now for a free tip for us " good looking low self esteem" woman.

 

WHY ??? WHY ???

 

Any Idea's WHY good looking, nice succesful woman go for dirtbags and have low self esteem ???

 

I know I do it, but I honestly am not quite as sure as to why, so any thoughts will be considered......

 

Ok, I just saw this after I posted. I don't know why exactly. It can be several things, some of which I mentioned. Did you have a father or father figure growing up?

 

Did you always feel like things were your fault with your ex? I did. I really think it goes back to my childhood. I think I looked at my ex as the father-figure I never had. And I REALLY wanted to please. And the harder I tried the worse he treated me.

 

Ask yourself some questions. Why do you think you go for guys like this? Do you have any ideas? Do you recognize the red flags so you can break out of the pattern?

[burning 4 revenge]

Sometimes it strikes me that a woman will be bored unless the sex is explosive, or they are being abused and if the sex is explosive and they are being abused..OMG then they are gaga in love

[Touche]

Sometimes it strikes me that a woman will be bored unless the sex is explosive, or they are being abused and if the sex is explosive and they are being abused..OMG then they are gaga in love

 

That may true of many women. I think it is. And I think maybe for me it was to an extent. But I outgrew that. I HATE drama of any kind now. I like peace. I like things to be smooth and easy the way it's supposed to be.

[melodymatters]

Ok, First thing i want to mention is that this was the FIRST time he got physically abusive, the last one was only mentally and emotionally abusive. LOL, sorry had to laugh reading my own words !

 

also, yes, I had a cold, controlling angry father who would hit me and my mom would just say " he's got an italian bad temper"

 

I thought I had worked that out in therapy already though !!!

 

I keep going for different types, this one seemed like a sweet, stupid, gentlemanly redneck, the last one was a brilliant cold, NY record producer.

 

Guess the similarity is they both treated me like sh*t

 

Now I'm going out on a limb, but I think people look for an equal balance of power, and one of the only ways a man is going to have enough power over a very attractive woman is A) a lot of cash or B) he's one of the only ones who doesn't kiss hert azz, therefore she feels like she's with an equal, there's a challange, I know thats not politically correct, I'm just thinking out loud and trying to figure out my own crap.

 

Hey, neighbors just invited me to a party so I'm going to go and NOT sit home depressed, at least for an hour or two !!!

[riobikini]

re:

 

MelodyMatters: "... I'm way better off without him and anyone who gets involved with him will likely end up with a concussion as well, but it hurts to see somone who did you so wrong, be SO ready to move on !!"

 

My personal feelings (based mostly on my own experience with them) is that this is about par for the course of what you are most likely to wind up with from dating sites.

 

It's no secret here in the board how poorly I feel towards them. I encountered bitter liars, clever and creative liars, users, fortune seekers, out-and-out thieves, sexual predators, the mentally ill, the proverbial "playa", as well as those who had just become tremendously dependent (addicted) to the thrill of many available "dates" right at their fingertips.

 

I'm just very glad that you weren't hurt more severely and that you ended the relationship.

 

Try not to feel so badly about seeing him move on so quickly -chances are he would have done so anyway, in time.

 

Be more careful about your choices in the future regarding your safety and much better luck next time.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio