yes, it does happen - MM is separating

[yesmaybe]

My days as the OW are numbered. Yes - MM and his wife are separating.

 

He and I have been having an affair for about a year. He is the top executive at my company. And double my age (I'm in my mid-20's).

 

In August, he told his W that he wanted a divorce. She was naturally shocked, and then scrambled for reconciliation. They never had a horrible marriage. Instead, they had a dead, quiet one.

 

September was hard. His wife tried desperately to make the marriage work. Of course I don't blame her - she still loved him. MM was paralyzed with guilt. My usually-stoic MM cried in front of me because he felt like a total SOB, hurting her and his son. Many people like to villify MM - but my MM, while weak and selfish, does have a heart.

 

By mid-October, he had met with a lawyer, and arranged to separate. He is paying almost 50% extra child support than is legally required, which I totally support.

 

Everyone is moving out of the old home. He signed the lease (to start Jan. 1) for a luxurious house for his son and W to live in.

 

The house MM and I will lease (we are still looking), it will be in the same area as his son, so that his son can come over anytime he wants.

 

As MM will be travelling out-of-country from next week until next Jan., he arranged to have me accompany him all around the world during December. I will meet his family on the European leg of his trip.

 

As MM will be gone most of the rest of this year, he only has about a week left living with his W in the old house. Once we are back from our trip, we will start living together.

 

So, this is just another story that affairs are not cookie-cutter, and that there are many different endings that can happen.

[magichands]

So, this is just another story that affairs are not cookie-cutter, and that there are many different endings that can happen.

Well, this is more like a beginning than an ending. And if he's weak and selfish, then I'd make the most of your time together.

[whichwayisup]

My only advice is, ALL of you work together and put those kids first. Put aside ego, hurt feelings, or ANY resentment. This is going to be very difficult for them, so you, him and his ex-wife can make it easier by all getting along, for the kids sake.

[magichands]

I think there's only one kid involved, whichwayisup. And I think he has all the latest Xbox games, so he'll be fine.

[Guest]

If he's weak and selfish why in the world are you with him? We don't choose who to love but you have to look out for yourself. Find someone who you don't have to worry about bailing on you when things get rough because that's what a weak and selfish man will do - put himself first, always.

[luvtoto]

Excuse me...I am sure your future is lookin' pretty bright, but shouldn't he be spending this time with his son?? I mean with the divorce and all??

 

Instead of traveling to another country for the rest of the year with you??

 

This guy is abandoning his son. Geez, your new potential H sounds like a keeper.

 

His son is gonna need as much support as possible now, from both parents. It sounds like his wife is having difficulties with this all. Probably not being the on-top-of-her-game as a mom to her son right now.

 

But, hey, you two go travel the world and have fun ok!!!

 

This all sound pretty cookie-cutter to me. Kids get hurt. End of story.

 

You may be proud of yourself for gettin him all to yourself, but just remember, what comes around goes around in life.

[magichands]

But, hey, you two go travel the world and have fun ok!!!

I hope you have a great world trip too! I'm sooo jealous!!

 

Don't get too pissed on the long-haul flights.

[yesmaybe]

Funny how others seem more vindictive and bitter than the people who are actually in the situation.

 

MM and I will be travelling together during his pre-planned business trip.

 

He and his son will be in a tropical vacation spot for 3 weeks, end of Dec. to January. In February, father and son will take a weeklong ski trip. And...we will live about 5-minute biking distance from the son, who will be free to come over anytime. And MM is voluntarily paying 50% extra child support.

 

The day MM and W told the son about the divorce (they did it together), the son cried. But the next day, he was off playing soccer and talking about how this friend and that friend also have divorced parents. Of course he is still sad, but because his parents have been civil and non-acrimonious, he is not destroyed.

 

Both W and MM are genuinely concerned for their son. Both agree that the divorce is based on their faults, not me. Which is why they told their son that the divorce was a decision by both mom and dad.

 

This entire situation - everyone has been low-key. It never turned ugly. Although I have never met W, neither of us have said a bad word about the other.

 

So, I guess in another way, this situation is not cookie-cutter.

[Touche]

Gotta agree with Toto on this one!

 

I don't know how you can respect a man like this and want to build a life with him. But that's just me.

 

And I agree with whoever said this is just a beginning. It's not and ending. The "happy ending" may or may not come. That still remains to be seen. No offense but if it lasts five years, I'll be surprised.

[magichands]

So, I guess in another way, this situation is not cookie-cutter.

Seems pretty cookie-cutter to me. MM has affair. MM leaves wife. MM always gets what he wants. Simple, cookie-cutter story.

[BenThereDunThat]

Funny how others seem more vindictive and bitter than the people who are actually in the situation.

 

MM and I will be travelling together during his pre-planned business trip.

 

He and his son will be in a tropical vacation spot for 3 weeks, end of Dec. to January. In February, father and son will take a weeklong ski trip. And...we will live about 5-minute biking distance from the son, who will be free to come over anytime. And MM is voluntarily paying 50% extra child support.

 

The day MM and W told the son about the divorce (they did it together), the son cried. But the next day, he was off playing soccer and talking about how this friend and that friend also have divorced parents. Of course he is still sad, but because his parents have been civil and non-acrimonious, he is not destroyed.

 

Both W and MM are genuinely concerned for their son. Both agree that the divorce is based on their faults, not me. Which is why they told their son that the divorce was a decision by both mom and dad.

 

This entire situation - everyone has been low-key. It never turned ugly. Although I have never met W, neither of us have said a bad word about the other.

 

So, I guess in another way, this situation is not cookie-cutter.

 

He obviously cares a great deal about his son. And is doing everything he can to make sure he suffers as little as possible.

 

What cracks me up are those that tell the OW, what are you doing, he is NEVER going to leave her, wise up, there's kids involved, etc.

 

Then when he does, and in this case, seems to be trying very hard to create a healthy environment, everyone says what a cad he is....

 

He was unhappy, he had the courage to step up and do something about it. Isn't everyone always saying if you're unhappy get out so the other person can have a chance at happiness with someone they deserve?

[Touche]

Seems pretty cookie-cutter to me. MM has affair. MM leaves wife. MM always gets what he wants. Simple, cookie-cutter story.

 

Exactly! And what about the fact that OP is half his age? Cookie-cutter. Sorry, but no molds have been broken here that I can see.

[Touche]

He obviously cares a great deal about his son. And is doing everything he can to make sure he suffers as little as possible.

 

What cracks me up are those that tell the OW, what are you doing, he is NEVER going to leave her, wise up, there's kids involved, etc.

 

Then when he does, and in this case, seems to be trying very hard to create a healthy environment, everyone says what a cad he is....

 

He was unhappy, he had the courage to step up and do something about it. Isn't everyone always saying if you're unhappy get out so the other person can have a chance at happiness with someone they deserve?

 

Uh..yeah. But get OUT before you start screwing around. He got the order wrong.

[BenThereDunThat]

Uh..yeah. But get OUT before you start screwing around. He got the order wrong.

 

Sure, that would be the ideal way. I'm not sticking up for the cheating. I'm just saying at least he ended is double life and made a decision.

 

Most people in affairs don't. They string the SO and OW/M along indefinitely.

[burning 4 revenge]

Gotta agree with Toto on this one!

 

I don't know how you can respect a man like this and want to build a life with him. But that's just me.

 

And I agree with whoever said this is just a beginning. It's not and ending. The "happy ending" may or may not come. That still remains to be seen. No offense but if it lasts five years, I'll be surprised.

I agree.

 

He's close to fifty? You'll be tired of him in five, or six years and want someone younger. You don't think so now, because you've built this up in your mind, but you wait and see.

[magichands]

They string the SO and OW/M along indefinitely.

Some could argue that this is the way to create a "healthy environment" for the children.

[Touche]

Sure, that would be the ideal way. I'm not sticking up for the cheating. I'm just saying at least he ended is double life and made a decision.

 

Most people in affairs don't. They string the SO and OW/M along indefinitely.

 

Yes, I agree. I guess this is the ONLY good thing (if you can call any of this "good") here.

[BenThereDunThat]

Some could argue that this is the way to create a "healthy environment" for the children.

 

True. And probably just as many would argue that it's healthier for the children to see two happy parents as opposed to having one living a secret life (or both!) that will most likely get found out anyway.

 

It seems this man is taking every step to make sure he is still a major part of his son's life.

 

In an ideal world, he would not have cheated, would still be with the W, and they would all be a happy family.

 

But that wasn't the case for this family, unfortunately. So steps are being made to focus on the importance of the child's welfare throughout this.

[Touche]

Yes, I agree with you again BenThere. At least there's an effort being made to make it as easy on the child. It's such a shame though that his home has to be broken up like this.

 

And I wonder how the child will feel about the OP. I mean that's a tough situation under "normal" circumstances but here his family is suddenly split up and Dad is living with a new woman. Nice.

[magichands]

Fortunately (pun intended) there is plenty of money around to cure the ills.

[GreenEyedLady]

YesMaybe: I'm glad that your situation is working out the way you want it to...I'm sorry about all the negative posts...it seems like people are quick to spread doubt...as long as you two are committed to making your relationship work and be sensitive to the needs of his child, it will all work out...best of luck in the future...thanks for sharing...

[yesmaybe]

Considering most marriages in general don't last 5 years, the statistics are definitely against us.

 

Which is why, for the past 4 months, we have been in pre-marital/couple's therapy. He also does personal therapy sessions. This was all his idea. And he has changed in wonderful ways - even his W says she is stunned by how much his love for me has motivated him to change for the better.

 

We have endlessly talked about how to face the future together - we've done the math, talked to lawyers, met with therapists, etc..

 

As for his son - his son has known about me since August. He overheard his father talking to me. And he asked his father..."do you love her? very much?" and MM admitted, "yes, I do."

 

Since then, his son has been surprisingly understanding. He sees me as his dad's girlfriend, as the woman his dad loves.

 

During August, when the two were vacationing out of the country (yes....they do a lot of vacations together!), I sent daily video messages to MM. And son always would ask "has yesmaybe sent a message today?" And then, the two would send one back to me.

 

And even now, the son asks about me. So, I don't think he hates me. And, W has not said anything to the son about me. Again, neither of us has ever said anything negative about each other.

 

I think the divorce was framed in a more positive way, that the son would gain 2 homes. And that daddy is very close by. And that mommy and daddy don't want to live together, but they still like each other.

 

Very mature. Very considerate. I admire them for that.

[Ladyjane14]

As for his son - his son has known about me since August. He overheard his father talking to me. And he asked his father..."do you love her? very much?" and MM admitted, "yes, I do."

 

Since then, his son has been surprisingly understanding. He sees me as his dad's girlfriend, as the woman his dad loves.

 

During August, when the two were vacationing out of the country (yes....they do a lot of vacations together!), I sent daily video messages to MM. And son always would ask "has yesmaybe sent a message today?" And then, the two would send one back to me.

 

Awwww.... isn't that just precious.

Kids are so cute when they're young and innocent.

 

Who knows, maybe he'll grow up and walk a mile in dear old Dad's footsteps one day. It's good that he's getting such a "healthy" education now. That way... if he, himself ever becomes a middle aged cliche... he'll know just how it's done.

[pricillia]

not every situation is perfect, if the son feels loved then that is all that matters here, sounds like the parents are taking steps to let him know that he is.

Listen when my parents got divorced I was happy because all they did was fight. They both went on to be with other people, they went on with thier lives.

I wish things were different and they stopped fighting but that was not the case.

Sounds like you are all trying to make it work.

[Guest]

Awwww.... isn't that just precious.

Kids are so cute when they're young and innocent.

 

Who knows, maybe he'll grow up and walk a mile in dear old Dad's footsteps one day. It's good that he's getting such a "healthy" education now. That way... if he, himself ever becomes a middle aged cliche... he'll know just how it's done.

 

Just because the MM has chosen NOT to live a lie any longer? I would think that would be a better example to his son rather than live miserably (and he obviously was since he is separating from his wife) and lying to himself, his wife and his son about himself and his true feelings.

 

What kind of example is THAT?

 

And, BTW, I don't condone affairs, but under these less than ideal circumstances, he is trying to do the best thing for his son.

 

Why so bitter?