Guest Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Are you actually trying to end the relationship for good or trying to change something in the relationship?
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I guess it entirely depends on the situation. If you are involved with a MM who makes it clear he isn't leaving, EVER then NC would be to turn your back on the MM and clear your head and heart of him. If you are involved with a MM who says he may leave, or is separated and dragging his feet on the divorce then NC would be to knock him off the fence and force him to choose one way or the other. Either way, it cuts off the cake eating at the knees. Bottom line - go NC and one of two things will happen: he will either take the necessary steps to keep you in his life or he won't. What is your situation?
BenThereDunThat Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I guess it entirely depends on the situation. If you are involved with a MM who makes it clear he isn't leaving, EVER then NC would be to turn your back on the MM and clear your head and heart of him. If you are involved with a MM who says he may leave, or is separated and dragging his feet on the divorce then NC would be to knock him off the fence and force him to choose one way or the other. Either way, it cuts off the cake eating at the knees. Bottom line - go NC and one of two things will happen: he will either take the necessary steps to keep you in his life or he won't. What is your situation? Couldn't have answered it any better. In my case, end the relationship for good.
Freedom Now Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I agree with BTDT. I ended the affair for good. It was beneath me. He had multiple chances to make his decision, so I made it for him. It is over.
Jessie61 Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Bottom line - go NC and one of two things will happen: he will either take the necessary steps to keep you in his life or he won't. I agree. Either way, the soul destroying life as an OW comes to an end. THAT in itself is a success story in my books, no matter how things work out.
frannie Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 In my case, to get some perspective, take a break from the stress, allow him to get his head in order.
Guest Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 What's worse Knowing he called or didn't call. I am trying very hard to go N/C till I figure things out and I have had had my cell phone turned off for 3 days because the listening to see if it would ring drove me batty. I noticed today he called. Now I have to keep reminding myself this is what is needed right now to figure out this mess of a relationship. But now I am struggling again and my heart aches.....
Chapter2 Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 In my case I couldn't take the pain anymore. I won't be the OW ever again. If he comes to me someday....great....if not then I'm that much closer to healing.
Meaplus3 Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Hi, I feel that going NC means to END all contact with MM. This is so much easier said than done. In my case it was a one way street so to speak so therefore NC is the only way for me to clear him from my heart and mind. The MM That I have been involved with lives next door, which makes NC a VERY hard task, but it CAN be done and I am DOING it! I would take a break from it all , try to clear your head and see how you feel? That is how I started NC and so far for the first time in my year long affair it's working. Good Luck to you. AP:)
BenThereDunThat Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 Hi, I feel that going NC means to END all contact with MM. This is so much easier said than done. In my case it was a one way street so to speak so therefore NC is the only way for me to clear him from my heart and mind. The MM That I have been involved with lives next door, which makes NC a VERY hard task, but it CAN be done and I am DOING it! I would take a break from it all , try to clear your head and see how you feel? That is how I started NC and so far for the first time in my year long affair it's working. Good Luck to you. AP:) Great news, AP! Good for you!
lovernotafighter Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 me and MM have broken up over and over...but this NC was very different...we totally discussed what to do about this and that and NC was the only thing to do. we love each other ,yes..but the affair is hurting us and our potential. we are hurting each other our selves and everyone around us..everything was suffering including our health. every answer we had to our suffering came with pain..there was no clear choice to the way of healing then cut this off at the legs and hope that we didn't already cause so much damage that this cant be repaired in our lives and if there was any chance for a future together we couldn't keep adding more problems to that as well. we had no other options at this time...unless MM was ready to leave, which he isn't, all that could be done from here is to end the relationship. he wants me to wait...but I said I can't with out a relationship..and he said the relationship was ruining our friendship because it's a affair, and I didn't want friendship because its a bell that cant not be unrung... we both agree we want both, he at one point one thing and me at one point another and visa versa..theres nothing else we could do..nothing. I love and care for my MM and want whats best for him even though I had to sacrifice our friendship/relationship for that to happen. I love me too and this was ruining me, because I am not this person I am turning into. so in my case it is both..end for good now maybe forever..but we cant have this..
PoshPrincess Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 In my case I couldn't take the pain anymore. I won't be the OW ever again. If he comes to me someday....great....if not then I'm that much closer to healing. I am totally with this one. My ex-MM and I were on-off (more of an EA than PA) for about 5 months before I finally had the courage to go NC once and for all. I did it for my own sanity, because doing the whole 'friends' thing just drove me insane. Of course, deep down I hoped it would make him realise what he was missing and who knows, maybe one day it will. I still love him and would have him back tomorrow but don't want to be anyone's OW. It's only been 4 weeks but I already feel like I am moving on and even have a date with a SG. He's not my MM by any stretch but at least he's no one else's man either! He's taking my mind off things and making me happy. It will happen for you too, I promise! It really does get easier!
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