NewLee40 Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I'm in a bit of a quandry. I just started seeing a new man and I really like him. But, its way too new to know if it is going to go anywhere. Early on in our talks, he told me that his wife asked for a divorce when she decided she was a lesbian. Somewhere along the way after the divorce, she decided she was not and started dating men again. For a time after my divorce, I also questioned my sexuality and dated women exclusively. In time, as I worked through my issues relating to my abusive marriage, I answered the questions about my sexual orientation and I am an unqualified heterosexual, with no lingering desire to be with women. I never really did - for me it was more complicated and had little to do with gender preferences. From those confused days, I still have one very dear friend - my best friend, in fact, who is a lesbian. The first question is should I reveal to him my past? I know this will bring up a lot of stuff for him and he will likely make some false assumptions about me or will worry that I have the potential of "going back" to women. Is it worth it when I know in my own heart that there isn't a snowball's chance I'd ever want that in my life again. Can I leave my past behind me, or do I owe him an explanation? If the answer is yes, tell him, the question is when? Although I'm very accepting of homosexuality and do believe some people are born that way, I was not one of them. Still, it is not something I want to have come out about me for various reasons (my children, my family, etc...) He told me about his ex so easily, and I don't know him well enough to know yet if I can trust him with the information. If this is going nowhere, I don't want to go down that road with him. On the other hand, if I wait too long and tell him after there is a bond between us, he could be hurt and maybe even feel betrayed. And I run the risk of being hurt if he can't handle it, and I've developed feelings for him. I fear also if I just keep it to myself, and we do get serious, that I will be fearful he will find out and it will hamper our relationship. I'm really an honest person in my relationships and don't like hiding things. I'm not sure how to proceed. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
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