BrimstoneProdigy Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 My hubby used to think he was gay. He had a few online boyfriends, but never anything in real life. I was also his first and only real girlfriend, and we ended up getting married. He was 27 and had never even kissed before... And it's not because he looks bad, either - 6'2, 212 lbs of muscle, dark curly hair, impish blue eyes, adorable foreign accent, confidence, and intelligence...Other women tell me all the time how lucky I am, and when they try, he makes certain they know that he only has eyes for me. He's so good to me...He really rolls out the red carpet. I've never, ever loved anyone like this...He makes me feel so wonderful. He's from another country, and came to America on a work visa. We got married before it expired so he could stay. It will expire in Spring '07, and we got married this summer. I've accidentally found old computer files and stuff...Chat logs, pictures, videos, etc. I wasn't snooping, nor was any of it hidden, but it made me uncomfortable to look at so I closed everything and never mentioned it. I've noticed him chatting with other guys in an adult manner when I've walked into the room. He quickly closes the windows once he knows I'm around... Well, our roommate is also one of our close friends (Not just mine...). We talk about things like this, and she's said things to me that make me worry. No matter how well you think you know someone, you're not in their heads...My hubby and I DID have a rushed relationship, but we'd known each other for five years online and he'd always been the one I turned to for a shoulder to lean on through my previous marriage. Am I just being paranoid? I don't want to lose my husband. I've never felt for anyone what I feel for him.
JadeStar Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Have you ever come right out and asked him if he was gay? If you do and you feel you're not getting a straight answer then you might have to do some prying to get your answers. Personally, I would think that you already may have had your answer before you all get married. You did say he had "boyfriends" online. So if he is still chatting with these men even after you all have been married, then yes he probably does have some kind of interest in them. Do you think he married you just to stay here and that only? Do you feel he loves you and cares for you, but more like in a friend way? You didn't mention sex, how is that part of it with him?
Mrs. Emo Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 My hubby used to think he was gay. He had a few online boyfriends, but never anything in real life. So, he thought he was gay? And then what...he changed his mind? He's a grown man, not a confused teenager, so I would think he is well aware of what his sexual preferences are. I've accidentally found old computer files and stuff...Chat logs, pictures, videos,...........I've noticed him chatting with other guys in an adult manner when I've walked into the room. He quickly closes the windows once he knows I'm around... You are not being paranoid....all the signs are right there in front of you. This doesn't make him any less of a wonderful man, but this is an issue that definitely needs to be addressed and discussed.
Author BrimstoneProdigy Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 Though I've never came out an asked him if he was still leaning towards men, he's not been shy in offering the fact that he "didn't know what he was thinking" and "was confused" back when he was seeing these other guys. A few GUYS were quite upset when they learned that he had a girlfriend (who went on to be his wife). He does love me, and we have a great sex life... Less often than I would like, but he has lasting power, and says it takes a couple of days to recoup after a good one. I'm not a guy so I take him at face value on that one. The longest we've been without has been the week when I'm menstruating. Other than that, at least once a week is standard for us. Tonight we were having a conversation about sex and I casually mentioned that Howard, my roommate's SO, told me that all guys secretly wouldn't mind a finger inserted at the right time (I know that sounds graphic, but it's what he said!) To which my hubby replied "I wouldn't mind a dildo!" Now, I'm all for kinky stuff usually, I'll try anything once...But given the rest of the information I know, it did give me a twinge.
myflyby Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 i dont think the problem here is "is he gay". Labels are horrible things. He could like men too, but hes married to you and thats all that matters. but if he is engaging in online adult chat with anyone, male or female, then it doesnt sound like hes ready to commit.
RecordProducer Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Maybe he is bisexual. If your sex life is good, it could be just a fantasy, which would make him bicurious. Many bicurious people don't even want to try their fantasies. I think you should ask him in a very understanding and kind way to tell you the truth. Let him know that you won't judge him, that you are OK with that. If you're not OK with what you hear from him, at least you know the truth and you can choose your further action. However if you let him know that him being gay would upset you, he might hide it from you for a long time.
CynicalP Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Hmm why am I thinking about Jim Mcgreevy the ex NJ Govenor. I dont think it's uncommon for gay men to hide their sexual identities behind the ruse of having an ordinary and normal male/female relationships. Better to get it out in the open now especially if your planning on having Kids.
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