Guest Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I'm a woman, 40 and have been married 15 years. The first few years of our marriage, sex was OK but for the past 10 years, I have been lucky if I get it once a month and super lucky if twice a month. My husband is not having an affair but he just isn't interested in it as much as I am. He's also rather clinical in bed and gets very uncomfortable if I try to do anything interesting. I don't have a weight problem and I am considered somewhat attractive by most people so I don't think I turn him off physically. Aside from sex, we've had other problems so it's been rather turbulent. I have mentioned from time to time that I would like our sex life to improve and asked him to go see a doctor and in the past, he has refused. He admits that he has a low sex drive but he doesn't seem all that interested in doing anything about it. But after feeling unwanted and ugly again, I brought up the subject today and this time, he said he will go. But then he tells me that I should find the doctor for him. What? My husband is by no means computer illiterate so I don't understand why I have to find the doctor for him? Is this a normal reaction or another way of saying he doesn't want to go see a doctor? Am I asking too much of him to do something about the problem? But the bigger question is, what do I do about my marriage?
norajane Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 He should just start with his own doctor and have his testosterone levels checked, or other issues ruled out. Make the appointment for him, if you must, and go along with him. All you/he has to do is tell his doc he's had a very low sex drive for the past 10 years. As for your marriage, why not try marriage counseling so you can both communicate openly about what's going on and get some guidance?
Guest Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 He should just start with his own doctor and have his testosterone levels checked, or other issues ruled out. Make the appointment for him, if you must, and go along with him. All you/he has to do is tell his doc he's had a very low sex drive for the past 10 years. As for your marriage, why not try marriage counseling so you can both communicate openly about what's going on and get some guidance? Thank you Nora for your response. I wouldn't mind making the appointment for him but then I think it would become a control issue and I would really like to see him take the initiative on this one. For most of our relationship, I am usually the one that takes the lead and I guess I'm sort of getting tired of it. As for marriage counseling, I am not sure how effective that would be. He consistently tells me that he's fine with our relationship and that the only time he is unhappy is when I am unhappy. It sounds so sweet and loving except now I realize he has put the responsibility on me to "snap" out of it and be happy without any real changes. Is anyone else in a relationship like mine?
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