dm2112 Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I discovered that my wife has been talking daily to a man she met 15 years ago. We have been together for 8 years and married for 3. The conversations I have found date back two years. They are of a very flirting nature, they make plans to see each other when she knows I will be at work, make plans for her to be home 15 minutes before I arrive home from work, and they arrange a "safe" place to hide one of their cars when they meet and go off together. She speaks of slow dancing with him and how she "gets lost" in his eyes. She bought him a sweetest day card at the same time she bought one for me! She tells him she has dreams of being in bed naked with him and that she has strong feelings for him. However, she also has been telling me recently that she wants to start a family and we have a romantic weekend booked for this weekend. I do not want to spill the beans until I can gather more information. How can I survive this weekend like nothing has happened? There is nothing in the emails I have seen that mention sex. Should I take for granted that they have had sex? I just don't know what to do. I really thought she was the love of my life. I can't describe how this has completely shattered my life. Losing her, my home, being embarassed in front of all my family and friends seems like it will break me. Any advice would be very much appreciated.
whichwayisup Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Tell her what you know, and tell her exactly what you wrote here! You thought that she was the love of your life, and finding out that she's been crossing the lines (atleast we know emotionally) with another man. Let her know how it makes you feel. Either way, the friendship with this man has to end completely. Do you know if he is married or has children? She tells him she has dreams of being in bed naked with him and that she has strong feelings for him. I'm not sure if they'd had sex yet, but she seems very attached to him and wants to. You don't have to be the one embarressed, you aren't doing anything wrong here. I'm sure your family will support you through this and your friends will as well. But, don't jump ahead yet, first you need to talk to her. Can you handle going away for the weekend? Because if you can't, now that you know what is going on, maybe you should talk about it with her sooner, rather than later.
Craig Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 And if she will not end her contact with this man then you must end your contact with your wife. There is no other option if she doesn't give him up completely for you. If she says he's just a friend and they were just flirting, there's nothing to it, blah, blah, blah ask her again if she's willing to end all contact with him forever. If her answer is anything but yes then you must divorce her because she just doesn't get it. She doesn't get how a marriage is supposed to work and never will. It may the the hardest thing you do but you'll thank me in a couple of years. Oh and if he has a wife then she should know what is going on as well. Don't treat this like some dirty little secret or it has all the power over you.
Moose Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 While I've never been cheated on, or had suspected my wife doing so, I would have to say that after eight years, you should already know. That is unless you've been neglecting her in some way to where you didn't notice her behaviour changing or fluctuating.... If your not comfortable with these revelations, approach her about them. BUT, do so with the mindset that you may have some fault...... Whether you do or don't, doesn't matter.....but it will keep your mind and heart open to her responses....
jerbear Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 2 years and strong feelings is not a fantasy. She wants to pursue a relationship with him. I could be wrong but in 2 years, something has happened between them physically. From the flirty texts, it is not a case of old close friends being comfortable with each other. I have to go with the other posters about talking to your wife about the issue and being prepared to cut contact with her. If she wants to explore those feelings she can provided she does not come back. You both mentioned a family, I suggest that be put on hold. Having a child to improve the relationship does not work in the long run; just forstalls the inevidable. When children are involved, it complicates things.
Guest Posted November 6, 2006 Posted November 6, 2006 i was cheated on almost a year ago my wife never told me i confronted her about it and of course she lied about it but in the end her guilt got the best of her i just now decided to leave home i thought i could make things work but its never the same onces someone u loved for 8 years has betrayed you.the hardest thing was leaving my 3 little girls hope things work out for u
silktricks Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 How did you find out? Did you suspect something or just stumble upon it? Are the conversations online? Definitely talk to your wife about it. This may be some kind of emotional fantasy that she's involved in, but that doesn't change the fact that it's wrong wrong wrong!!! She must be willin to give him up immediately!
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