Stunner Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Well, I was hoping my little two cents can help someone who has felt the same way. He drops off the face of the Earth for a while, you really care about him and you want to call to check in and wonder why he doesn't want to see you...it drives you nuts, makes you feel vulnerable and a little foolish letting your heart get wrapped up in another dud. Sound familiar? That was me...flipping out, not getting it, impatient...thinking he's just gonna disappear off the face of the Earth...I was too self centered. After a month of being supportive and giving him space, six weeks without sex, not calling...etc. We had a fantastic talk last night, almost two hours. He is still the wonderful man I was believing and without prodding on my part spilled everything. It has to do with his kids and his ex from four years ago. Nothing to do with me. Not only did he reassure me by telling me exactly how much he wants to move forward and take our relationship to the next level but why he is concerned regarding wacko ex. He did everything but tell me he loves me using those words. So, for those in the same shoes I was in, be patient...give him room. I guess what others say is true. If it is real, it'll happen. I had two very short conversations with my guy in the past month or so and maybe a couple of one or two sentence emails. My presumptions couldn't have been more wrong and I feel like an a$$ for doubting it. I guess I am insecure with my damn heart out there. I'm so glad I didn't do anything stupid while freaking out...so, off to therapy for me...you all enjoy Friday.
Maria33 Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 He drops off the face of the Earth for a while, you really care about him and you want to call to check in and wonder why he doesn't want to see you...it drives you nuts, makes you feel vulnerable and a little foolish letting your heart get wrapped up in another dud. Sound familiar? Thank you! You don't know how bad I needed to hear that. I'm having the same issues with someone but we aren't really together yet. I like him and think he likes me too. The problem is that he has SO MUCH going on in his life I don't think he's ready yet. He's working a lot, trouble with his kids and just so busy. I get really down and think well, there's something wrong with me, he doesn't like me. I know if I push him, he'll back off. So, what you said really hit home and it's exactly what I need to do. If I want to see if we have a chance together, I can't push him away. Thanks!
lone she-wolf Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Thanks for your post OP. I'm in limbo hell as well and actually feel as though I can just go to bed now. It was exactly the small bit of hope I needed. I do wish people would not pull away like this though. It hurts.
justagirliegirl Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Regardless of the reason, it is still rude to just up and disappear on someone. Did these guys say they were taking time out or just disappear? Patience and understanding for their rude behaviour doesn't make your feelings hurt any less during the weeks they are pulling away. Remember you have feelings too and they need to take that into consideration. Everything isn't just about them or their problems at the moment.
Author Stunner Posted November 4, 2006 Author Posted November 4, 2006 I'm glad the post helped.... justagirliegirl, I understand how that must have sounded....my guy wasn't 'rude' it is a long story I won't bore you with. He never shunned my calls or ignored one and didn't return it. I could just sense what he was going through, very upsetting stuff and it is ok and healthy to let him sort it out on his own without trying to butt in. I just gave him some emotional space and didn't bug him to go out. He feels like he needs to take me out to do things but wants to really BE there emotionally..not just putting on a game face to keep me entertained. I don't care about that anyway...I can take myself to dinner! lol I don't WANT to fix his problems for him. I have my own. I want to be his friend and someone who he can turn to for support when he needs it...I think it might be difficult to develop a good relationship when he doesn't have room to breathe. Plus, I want nothing given out of obligation, even if it is just a phone call....If I don't leave a message, he won't feel like he has to call me back... I want it all and want to give the same...be and have a best friend/ lover/ companion...that can't be forced, it has to grow and thankfully, it appears as though I gave just enough support and tried to understand his needs enough that progress happened. Most of my past relationships were all about rushing in like a fool. This one is not that way, so I'm learning too. He made sure that he let me know, several times that just as I've been here for him he is for me too. I believe him and am ready to share those needs a little more and dip my toes in the water with it. Best of luck to all.
caring guy Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 Thanks Stunner I was thinking only guys suffer from this hehe, i have been seeing this girl 6 times, meals cinema etc, she's busy, works nights & is a 7 years younger than me, i'm 30 & my heart sinks when i think of her. I know i'm an impatient person & have learned to control any OTT texting, wondering if she's dating another. She's from another country but lives in my city & i respect her & want something to come of it, so i've not tried it on, just we have held hands, hugged & kissed, i haven't even mentioned sex, i just want to gain hetr trust, but she is responding positively at my advances. It feels though like i wanna see lots of her & it's never enough, maybe because i am like i am & she is currently busier than me, but i am hoping that my patience will pay off. cg
Arianna72 Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Thanks for that post... I have been going through a lot of the same things The guy I am seeing has actually asked me to be patient but it is hard. Nice to hear patience has paid off for someone anyhow.
funkify Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Thanks also, I guess it helps knowing that sometimes our crazy, negative thoughts just get the best of us. Just got to remember sometimes that if things are meant to be, they will happen. And if they aren't like we prefer, everything happens for a reason
Star Gazer Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 6 weeks of absence does not a relationship make...
caring guy Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 crazy negative thoughts, yep, thats me hehe! Is this crazy unrational thinking? This girl i'm dating, i last saw her Wednesday, i respect her, we're at stage of heavy kissing, hugging, holding hands & she's ok with my hand on her knee in cinema & bars. Each date has progressed. She's working lastinght, tonight & tommorow night. I texted her Yesterday saying i'd like to see her soon (before her folks visit on Thursday) I haven't heard from her. This has happened before, she doesn't think as much as me, i know i think too much. I know that i need patience, but how long is too long or not long enough to wait!, i expect she will contact me soon as usualy happens. cg
funkify Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 Caring guy, I advise you leave it. You don't want to bombard her with texts. If you still haven't heard anything after one week, give her a call very casual asking the same thing. Don't mention about the text. Good Luck
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