Hurt&Confused Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Hello everyone, this is my first time here, so please don't kick me hard. Like everyone else in here, I lost the love of my life. We had only been together for 8 months, but it's amazing how much you can love someone that you haven't known for longer period of time. It's also amazing how much it hurts when this person decides that's it's time to end the relationship. The reason was: "I can't feel the butterflies anymore and I'm not sure I love you anymore." She also told me that she's was not this relationship type of person and needed more space for herself. I know for sure that I was way to needy in the beginning, but I was working on that. Still it obviously wasn't enought. We both lived at our parents house. We slept together mostly on the weekends, but her parents didn't like to have me having sex with their daughter in their house and she wasn't comfortable having sex with me parents right at the other side of the wall. Low-sex relationship is not working...not for anyone. Sometimes I got jelous when she wanted to hang out only with her friends. That's really stupid I know. But every man wants to feel important and wants to spend time with his girl. My lack of experience in relationship might have scared her away. There are two weeks since we broke up. What annoyes me, is that it all happened so fast. Month before breakup we went out for a dinner, spent the night at a fancy hotel in a close city. I had set the room up, and we both loved the night. I could tell. It's only a month...how can it end so fast? All of her girlfriends are single. I believe they were messing with her mind a bit. All my friends (female) agree on that a friend has serious influence on a relationship. I think she missed hangin out with her girls - and of course they miss hanging out with her. About a month ago, a group of guys (old friends) came into her and her girlfriends life again. Of course I got jelous that she wanted to spend time with them. We broke up 2 weeks later...(not because of that)...but almost the minute we broke up I started to think if she had been cheating on me with one of those guys. I had no proofs whatsoever, only the images of her and one of the guys in bed kept running through my head. I decided to confront her and she said no. Of course she did, she had never ever lied to me...why would she cheat on me. I know this hurt her...and it would also hurt me if she would have asked me if I was cheating on her. I did sent her an apology e-mail which she accepted. But god knows what that means. This was a little summary of relationship with the girl that I love. There are 2 weeks since we broke up. The first 5 days were hell. I've been getting better and better, but still when I look at a random girl...I see something that Julie had but this girl didn't. I decided to use the NC method...and today it is a week since I last spoke to her. It's not that hard because I know I will blew all my chances if she gets annoyed by me. What should I really do? Should I wait and not get my hopes up too high? Should I just continue to move on and pretend I never met this girl? My brain tells me that I should leave and forget about her. My heart says that I should give it another chance. I believe though that if it was meant to be, we will find each other again. My plan: I'm gonna maintain no contact or low contact until christmas - then I'm gonna send her a christmas card with photos of us and our friends together. Remind her of the good times. If she doesn't call, then I'm gonna call her about a week later. I'm gonna chat casually and pretend unavailablea and stay cool. If this won't work after I've given her a 2 months of no-me - then nothing is gonna work. Could you give me some of your opinions on this matter. LS has helped me so much when I have wanted to call her. But this is the first time I post my story in here. Please give me some advice Last thing. When my friends and her friends heard about the break up, everyone were really shocked to hear this. Both my friends and her friends.
JCD Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Wait for her until you no longer love her and/or care then find yourself another girl. Don't do the christmas thing and don't play mind games with her. Don't over analyze the situation either.
miss snoopy Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Agree with JCD. You can't ring her then act unavailable, sorry but that's so funny! Don't contact her, she knows where you are. And she doesn't need reminding of the good times, she has her memory for that. Those sort of things (pics, scrapbooks, poems etc) can come across really badly when the receipient is in a different place to you. There's nothing fundamentally bad about your plans, but if the desired outcome is to get her back I'm not sure they'll work, hence my prescription of No Contact for the time being.
pjammer Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Agree with JCD. You can't ring her then act unavailable, sorry but that's so funny! Don't contact her, she knows where you are. And she doesn't need reminding of the good times, she has her memory for that. Those sort of things (pics, scrapbooks, poems etc) can come across really badly when the receipient is in a different place to you. There's nothing fundamentally bad about your plans, but if the desired outcome is to get her back I'm not sure they'll work, hence my prescription of No Contact for the time being. but how long should someone stay in NC? Like this guy, I was with my gf for 8 months, and he is right - it is absolutely AMAZING how much you can fall in love and care about a person in that 'short' amount of time. But to me it felt like years, almost as if I had known her my whole life. Like him, just 1 month before she broke up with me, we went to my 5-year HS reunion, and had a great time. And just 1 month before that, we went to Seattle to see a couple of Pearl Jam shows, and we had a great time just exploring Seattle (neither one of us had travelled much before). We did everything together even though we live about an hour apart. It is just so unreal how quickly things can happen. I just started NC about a week ago; when do I know when the right time is to call her again if she hasnt contacted me? Because it hurts every single day that I dont talk to her because we talked every single night for 8 months. And I am not about to just give up on someone I love. I know I screwed up (didnt cheat or hit her or anything), but when you know in your mind that you have found someone special - someone who changes your life - to me, you can't just give up.
JCD Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 If you screwed up and she is mad at you then you can make it up to her somehow and see if she will take you back. NC is for you, when you want to get her out of your mind and get over her. There is no contact on your part when you're in NC. If after you apologized, she doesn't want you back then there is nothing you can do to make her change her mind. You have to give her up, it just wasn't meant to be. Ending on a positive note, you could always meet even more special girl than this one.
inde4544 Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 I know it is hard dude but just make sure you know she feels about you and walk away. I made the mistake of doing the whole begging and fighting thing and it does not help. Not only does it push her away but it also makes you feel worse. I would recommend blocking her in all online communication, not calling her and just doing what you can do to better yourself. If she sees that you are going on withh your life wo her she may see the light and come back to you. Hopefully by that time you will realize you dont need her.
miss snoopy Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 but how long should someone stay in NC? Like this guy, I was with my gf for 8 months, and he is right - it is absolutely AMAZING how much you can fall in love and care about a person in that 'short' amount of time. But to me it felt like years, almost as if I had known her my whole life. Like him, just 1 month before she broke up with me, we went to my 5-year HS reunion, and had a great time. And just 1 month before that, we went to Seattle to see a couple of Pearl Jam shows, and we had a great time just exploring Seattle (neither one of us had travelled much before). We did everything together even though we live about an hour apart. It is just so unreal how quickly things can happen. I just started NC about a week ago; when do I know when the right time is to call her again if she hasnt contacted me? Because it hurts every single day that I dont talk to her because we talked every single night for 8 months. And I am not about to just give up on someone I love. I know I screwed up (didnt cheat or hit her or anything), but when you know in your mind that you have found someone special - someone who changes your life - to me, you can't just give up. Well, in my case an hour before we split up he was telling me how much he loved me and how happy he was in the relationship, we had been doing great stuff together in the days leading up to the split. So yeah, I understand your bewilderment. But I'm getting over it and moving on, because a relationship takes 2 people - it doesn't matter how much you love her and how many times she said she loves you, if she doesn't want to be with you at this point in time nothing you say or do is going to convince her otherwise. You can try and see where she's at in a few months' time, but prepare yourself emotionally as she may have moved on in leaps and bounds. That's why avoiding contact is good - what you don't know can't hurt you. I too felt I'd known the ex all my life - but now it's the exact opposite, he's a virtual stranger to me and I'd like to keep it that way. Anyone who can walk out in such a cold way is not deserving of my friendship so unlike in the past, I'm not even looking to be cordial with him - I don't want to ever see him again* * disclaimer - this may change tomorrow
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