yousaveme Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I didnt know where else to post this since i am a OW, i thought i would post it here. Is it possible to take someone's love for granted? And if so why ?
peacelove Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I think that's the answer. They believe that, no matter what, we will always be there & will always love them. Did I make sense at all??
Author yousaveme Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 I think that's the answer. They believe that, no matter what, we will always be there & will always love them. Did I make sense at all?? That does make sense....But what if it was the OW that was taking it for granted?
peacelove Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 That does make sense....But what if it was the OW that was taking it for granted? Are you asking because you are taking your man's love for granted? Sorry, I had to answer your ? with a ?.
Author yousaveme Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 Are you asking because you are taking your man's love for granted? Sorry, I had to answer your ? with a ?. I dont know...Thats a good question. I question it all the time. He never lets go..He fights tooth and nail to show me...But yet i question it..And now i get what i want to a certain extent and then i pull back.
herenow Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Ok yousaveme, Here is what I have learned about my H. He believed that to love someone was to take care of them. He had no concept of the emotional connection that it took for true love between two people. As long as he provided for his family he felt he was showing his love. That's why he can say that he still loved me while having sex with his OW. Messed up I know. The problem came when the OW started to have real feelings of love for my H. Because he took care of her and showed concern, she felt that he loved her as well. What she didn't know is that he was not capable of actually loving her. Does this mean that he took my love, or her love, for granted?
Author yousaveme Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 i have never met someone who works this hard to show me everyday what his feelings are. I get blown away with the determination to consistenly show me and make me feel secure. So why do i come up with ways to question it....
herenow Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 i have never met someone who works this hard to show me everyday what his feelings are. I get blown away with the determination to consistenly show me and make me feel secure. So why do i come up with ways to question it.... Maybe he is afraid that one day you will decide that you don't want to wait anymore and he will lose you. You do know that you can do whatever you want, you are not married, and he knows it too.
peacelove Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Ok yousaveme, Here is what I have learned about my H. He believed that to love someone was to take care of them. He had no concept of the emotional connection that it took for true love between two people. As long as he provided for his family he felt he was showing his love. That's why he can say that he still loved me while having sex with his OW. Messed up I know. The problem came when the OW started to have real feelings of love for my H. Because he took care of her and showed concern, she felt that he loved her as well. What she didn't know is that he was not capable of actually loving her. Does this mean that he took my love, or her love, for granted? Hmm. I was thinking that maybe He takes both of your love's (sp) for granted. He believes that you & the ow would always be there. But there's always that chance that one of you wouldn't be there forever. i don't know if I'm making a bit of sense here. I have the thoughts in my mind but can't relay them into print.
Author yousaveme Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 I need to think without crying..I will be back
herenow Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Hmm. I was thinking that maybe He takes both of your love's (sp) for granted. He believes that you & the ow would always be there. But there's always that chance that one of you wouldn't be there forever. i don't know if I'm making a bit of sense here. I have the thoughts in my mind but can't relay them into print. Actually, in my case, the OW is out of the picture. He has been NC with her for 8 months. We are in MC and that is where I'm getting this info. I have learned a lot about the problems in my marriage that both of us need to work on. Please don't go to the, "how do you know he isn't talking to her?" I don't trust him like I used to, but I do know that he isn't talking to her. It will be quite some time before I trust him, if ever. For now, we are working on it.
peacelove Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Ok I'll try it another way. If my so called mm were to go out with friends, he'd think that I'd be home alone waiting for him. That I'll always be there waiting for him,that's taking me for granted.
herenow Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Ok I'll try it another way. If my so called mm were to go out with friends, he'd think that I'd be home alone waiting for him. That I'll always be there waiting for him,that's taking me for granted. Yes, I agree, that would be taking you for granted.
peacelove Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Yes, I agree, that would be taking you for granted. I feel that no one should ever take anyone or anything for granted. You shouldn't take it for granted that he won't do it again & he shouldn't take it for granted that you would forgive him again. My man shouldn't take it for granted that I will wait for him for the rest of my life & wait for him to get a divorce. Just because him & I live together does not mean we are carved in stone. Nothing should be taken for granted. I do apologize for rambling on.
Author yousaveme Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole. Does that make sense?
peacelove Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole. Does that make sense? I'm trying to put that together. Just because the "vase" is broken into fragments doesn't mean it is no longer a vase. Hmmm. To be continued...
herenow Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Sorry yousaveme, I don't get the vase thing at all. As far as taking someone for granted. Some people don't realize that they have taken someone for granted until they see a real threat that they will lose them. I agree with peacelove, that when someone assumes you will always be there for them (physically and emotionally) no matter how they treat you, they are taking you for granted.
Author yousaveme Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 Thanks i think i finally see things better....I was down for a moment...But im seeing things better...Im happy
Guest Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Yousave me, being with a MM is an emotional rollecoaster ya never know whats around the next bend.
stillhere Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Yes, i do take many things for granted, but i have learned to step back and revel in the moment. I used to take my MM for granted, as he did with me in a way. He knows i can't do this forever, i know i can't do this forever, so we spend as much time together as possible. This is what i've noticed with my MM.............the happier i am, and the less i pressure him or bother him, the more time he will make for me. He will go above and beyond what he normally would do. After our last "argument" about a month ago, i have seen him practically every day, sometimes twice a day. Because i'm back to my normal, happy self. I'm not depressed, or crying, or pleading with him. We are taking it day by day. That's all you can do in a situation like ours. The more we look towards the future, the more depressed we become. So, i have stopped doing that. No more future talk. No more crying over someone i haven't even lost yet. When that day comes, i'll probably get locked up in the looney bin, but for right now, i'm loving every minute i have with him.
Author yousaveme Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 Yes, i do take many things for granted, but i have learned to step back and revel in the moment. I used to take my MM for granted, as he did with me in a way. He knows i can't do this forever, i know i can't do this forever, so we spend as much time together as possible. This is what i've noticed with my MM.............the happier i am, and the less i pressure him or bother him, the more time he will make for me. He will go above and beyond what he normally would do. After our last "argument" about a month ago, i have seen him practically every day, sometimes twice a day. Because i'm back to my normal, happy self. I'm not depressed, or crying, or pleading with him. We are taking it day by day. That's all you can do in a situation like ours. The more we look towards the future, the more depressed we become. So, i have stopped doing that. No more future talk. No more crying over someone i haven't even lost yet. When that day comes, i'll probably get locked up in the looney bin, but for right now, i'm loving every minute i have with him. Thats all we can do is enjoy eachother and the moments we have....When the future comes we will deal with it then hopefully with eachother....
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