confused93 Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I Am Shaking And Feel Like I'm Going To Throw Up. Am A Mw Involved With A Guy (who Has A Girlfriend), I Know It's Wrong But This Is Where I Can Go To Talk About It - No One Knows. Been Seeing Him For Five Months, Supposed To Be Just Fwb. Last Night Tried To Call Him As Usual Late In Evening, Left A Message. Didn't Call Me Back, No Great Big Deal, Sometimes Things Happen. However, This Morning Woke Up To My Radio Talking About An Accident Where He Lives (45 Min Away) Where 3 People Got Killed. I Started Freaking Out But Didn't Want To Call Him Right Away, Didn't Want Him To Think I Was Being All Needy, Blah Blah Blah. So Instead Got On The News Website, Waiting For Them To Give Out Names, Watched The Clock For The Time When He Usually Calls, Drove Myself Crazy Basically. When He Called, Said He Was Working Late (which I Believe), Sorry He Didn't Call, Could Tell Something Was Wrong, Asked Me What It Was. Told Him What I Heard When I Woke Up, That It Freaked Me Out. He Was Very Sweet, Asked Why I Didn't Just Call This Morning; Told Him I Didn't Want To Be Like That. He Was Sooo Sweet, Kept Saying I Just Should Have Called So I Knew He Was Okay. The Whole Problem Is My Feelings - I Wasn't Supposed To Have Any!!! I Told Him If Anything Would Have Happened To Him, I Would Have Died - And I Mean It!!! I Am Not In Love With My Husband, Haven't Been For About 2 Years But I Don't Want To Hurt Him. I Know That Is Stupid, I Will Get Bashed That I Am Hurting Him By Having An Affair. Go Ahead And Bash Me - I Have Big Shoulders. I Want To Tell The Om How I Feel But I Am Scared! In All Past Relationships In My Life I Was Never The First One To Say It - How Do You Know You're Feelings Are Not Going To Be Reciprocated?? I Don't Know And I Am Terrified!!
whichwayisup Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Why don't you just get a divorce from your husband and let him find a woman who will love him and not cheat on him? For 2 years you say you haven't loved your husband - EITHER WAY it is going to hurt him! Whether you stay married to him and he finds out you're cheating or if you tell him the marriage is over. WHY are you staying married? For security? A house? SO you won't be alone?
Author confused93 Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 None of the above. I can make it on my own - I'm not worried about that. We don't have kids together, I have two, one in high school, one in college, and although he has talked about divorce many times, he always comes back saying he will be the one to lose everything and I always feel so guilty.
Craig Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 ... although he has talked about divorce many times, he always comes back saying he will be the one to lose everything and I always feel so guilty. Could you explain why your husband would lose everything in a divorce?
whichwayisup Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 None of the above. I can make it on my own - I'm not worried about that. We don't have kids together, I have two, one in high school, one in college, and although he has talked about divorce many times, he always comes back saying he will be the one to lose everything and I always feel so guilty. He's already lost everything - Though he just doesn't really know that... You need to do the right and fair thing for him, even if it hurts him...Get a divorce. HE deserves a chance at happiness with a woman who will love him, respect him and honour him - NOT cheat on him. Don't stay with him out of guilt, that's just so disrespectful. HOW would you feel if he was 'just' staying with you out of guilt and no love? Wouldn't you feel crappy?
Author confused93 Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 Craig - what he says is he will not only lose me, but he will lose the kids (because they are not his). I have always told him I would never let him lose them - he has been more of a father to them than their biological. I know it is wrong to stay like this - it is eating me alive.
whichwayisup Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 You can make this divorce easier by being kind to him. By letting him see and be involved with those kids after you two divorce! You are miserable at home, imagine what he is feeling. I'm sure he picks up on the energy in the house, you're probably not "into" him the way you used to be, your mind off with the OM so I'm sure he is well aware that you aren't putting in the same energy into the marriage...He isn't a stupid man, I'm sure if you told him the truth he wouldn't be surprised to know that you are having an affair. Question - IF there was no OM, would you be willing to go to marriage counselling to fix your marriage? Give it another chance?
herenow Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Sounds like everyone would be happier in the long run if you were honest with your husband. What do you have to lose by telling him the truth? He will most likely see that you don't have the best marriage and will either want to work on it or agree that you both should move on. You are hurting him by leaving him in the dark. Either way, honesty is the best policy here, and you won't be confused anymore.
stillhere Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I was exactly like you........my god, same scenario. I was afraid to hurt my stbxh, but i was miserable. So i hooked up with a guy from work, after he pursued me for a whole minute. My MM stood behind me when i left my H. Well, i kicked him out. Let him take whatever he wanted, as long as he left. MM was not too thrilled, because i was now single, and free to pursue others, yet i have eyes for no one else. I was the first to tell my MM that i loved him. It took 2 months before he said those words to me. Before he had told me that he loved me too, he would always ask why he hadn't heard me say it in a while. I told him it was torture not to hear him say it back, so instead of not hearing him say it, i just kept it to myself. Leave your H if you are not happy and it can't be worked out. Only you know if you are willing to try. I was not. I felt hate towards my H, too many things had been let go for too long, and i was no longer willing to work on my M. I was unhappy, plain and simple, and he could never make me happy again, no matter what he did. I don't care if he had won the lottery, nothing would have made me stay. If you are at that point, walk away and make it as peaceful as possible. You can divorce on friendly terms.
Sup Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 None of the above. I can make it on my own - I'm not worried about that. We don't have kids together, I have two, one in high school, one in college, and although he has talked about divorce many times, he always comes back saying he will be the one to lose everything and I always feel so guilty. Then YOU can make it so that he DOESN'T lose EVERYTHING! But YOU have to come clean about this. I understand why he says he'll lose everything, because all the courts are CORRUPT! Pretty much you would have to go to court with NO lawyer, or if you do get a lawyer, you would still be able to make sure your hubby doesn't lose everything. (I'm refering to money, etc.)I admit, It will sound strange to the court, but, you could also inform the court as to why you are doing this, that all the laws are twisted against men.
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