Guest Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Our history. We have been married just barely over nine years and have no kids. Yesterday my wife told me that five years ago she had an affair and that she currently has feelings for another man. When my wife had her affair I am in someways to blame in a very small part, I realzie it was her choice and her actions to do what she did. My part was that for four years I had a very low sex drive and she had begged me to find out why, the part that is my fault is I ignored her. I do now and as well for the last several years have taken ownership and responsibility for not acting back then to find out that the problem was that I had low testosterone levels. During that time five years ago she met a person at a tradeshow and they became good friends, she had confessed to me that it was only an emptional affair as he lived in California and we live in Indiana, now yesterday she told me that she has had sex with him one time during a tradeshow. She told me because I knew in my heart something had happened and I had been seeking answers, plus with what is going on in part two below. Part two, five years later, current time I have always told my wife that if she ever cheated on my we would be over, I beleive that and meant it, my first wife cheated on me and I left her the day I found out and I will not ever forget that pain. Over the last several months my wife became close friends with a male customer of hers, in doing so she revealed her secrets and problems that we had as well as did he to her as he was going through a divorce. In some ways it seems similar to Nightengale syndrome as they were caretakers emotionally for each other. She had told him that she was living with the guilt of what she had done to me but could not tell me as she knew I would leave and he told her all of his problems. In doing all of this they became close and she told me she kissed him pationately. She also has told me on sevral occasions that she was not going to talk to him and they were done being friends. However, since that time I have caught her talking to him three times and know there have been several others, she even admits to it. He has told her he loves her and she tells me she has feelings for him, yet she still tells me that she loves me more than anything and that she is not going to talk to him anymore. I have forgiven her for what she did five years ago, but I do not know what to do now, she says she needs to work through her feelings about him and I and I interpret that to be she has to decide who she wants to be with. I won't stand for that and be a doormat. She has been going to one on one counseling for about four months and we started going to couples counseling about four weeks ago, before I knew about all of this. Any suggestions? thanks
Sup Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 If you don't want to be a doormat, then leave her. She lied to you once, and wasted 4-5 years of your life, exposed you to STDs, and then lied some more. She hasn't told you everything, be sure of that, they NEVER do. She's NOT going to stop. Contact a lawyer and find out about YOUR rights, then DUMP her. I suggest staying AWAY from women for a while, and get yourself counseling, to help find out why you keep getting into relationships with women who cheat on you. I would get out now before she gets pregnant from an OM, the states love to pin that on the hubby, whether it's his or not.
Flyin in Clouds Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Find a good divorce lawyer. Then find a better woman. Be more careful about who you hook up with. The first time there is a lie, no matter how small, instant dump. make that clear up front. No lies, no hidding stuff, even if it's hurtful, no sparing your feelings by lying to you or hiding her feelings even if for some other guy. Truth...
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