so many questions, here is some.

[amess79]

does anyone believe that if something( a love relationship) is meant to be it should come with ease naturally?

my story is very long, but here is the very short version.. married one year, but always kinda had some doubts as to is this really it, even while i was engaged. met another girl, we work together, been with her for 5 months, we just connectd from day one. extremley simliar personalities and likes. and our communication from the beginning far surpasses what i have with my wife. have not had sex with this girl for a few reasons( but everything else) and am happy with that decision so far. i love this girl so much, we have had some hang ups already but worked through them in less than 30 minutes and they have been some seriuos topics. even today i came to work, she makes me smile from ear to ear and i the same for her. i have been seperated from my wife for about a month. anyway, like i said i love her so much, but there a 100 things that make it so complicated for us to be together. so many negatives and it seems to be getting worse. i have days where im just like i should stay with wife, and this is how my life will be and thats it. it is what is. i do have love for my wife, she is a great girl in alot of ways and i know she loves me. also since i met this girl, i could careless about any other girl, where up until that point i was constantly flrting and "looking". always have dreams of finding someone to have no worries about, in terms of love and trust. i want a family life and feel truly content and for my "wife" to feel the same. i dont know what to do. im confused. everything i read on this website is just bad. no one is happy ( including myself), no one can be trusted, including myself.. the 2 biggest negative factors is that she is 8 years younger than i am, im 27 and we are a secret and im tired of lieing to the world. i mean certain people see we connect, including my parents. i have tried to push her away, knowing that she hasnt experinced alot in life plenty of times but it never seems to work.

is anybody in a truly fulfilling relationship, with love trust, and children? it seems no ones happy. can anyone help me out? if u need more details, feel free to ask.

[confused93]

My opinion is that you should leave your wife. I know people will disagree with me but if you have already fallen in love with someone else this soon in your marriage, I don't see how you will be able to salvage your marriage. Maybe try counseling if you are not sure. The age difference really shouldn't matter that much. My husband is 7 yrs older than me.

[a4a]

I agree that you should leave your wife but do not expect this 19 year old girl to stay with you forever and ever. She has not experienced life.

 

Funny you are the only one making the choice here, kinda like a shopping spree and you only get to buy one item....... I like this sweater because it is comfortable, but this one is way cooler and really is fun to wear...... which one do I choose?

 

I guess your wife is aware that you are looking to replace her? If not I think you need to tell her that you are interested in something new.

 

Do yourself a favor and don't buy anymore sweaters until you get your shyte together with yourself.

 

Enjoy the 19 year old while it lasts...... she is young and will want to branch out eventually to enjoy other people. In the meantime let your wife go so she can maybe enjoy herself too.

[BUTAFLY]

It's so good to have another a man join LS Welcome.

I have a question forya. Why did you get married? Honestly...If you always had doubts even while engaged, why continue w/ the wedding? I've been hearing that 'boubt' word but don't understand what compels a person to continue. Anyway....

 

As for your situation, its a common one. Many people feel they should be on cloud 9 durning the first year of marriage and sometimes it doesn't happen that way. Both partners are getting use to different roles, getting use to eachother and learning, it can be clumpsy and difficult.

 

Then theres people who get married for wrong reasons ie..wanting to fastfoward life, meaning start a family and ready to do this with any practical person; theres people who get married because they simply don't want to be alone anymore, some feel its the next step in life and have to do it, ect ect. Later a person can relizes their with the wrong partner. It happens.

 

I say give your marriage a chance. Its a little premature to think about anything drastic. However, You have to be honest with yourself and make the right decision for YOU sooner rather than later.

 

Ps. I don't think this is about the girl at work. I thinks its about your fear of being in the marriage or ending the marriage.

[amess79]

well part of the reason was because everyone is telling that everyone has these fears its normal, plus i didnt wanna rush into ending it bc of the fear id make a huge mistake. also i was already involved as a partner in a family business. and the next thing you know the invitations were out and i didnt want to disappoint anyone, all this money was spent. already bought a house, felt like everyone was gonna hate me. the list goes on. plus when i first got engaged , i wanted to move on with my life, " like the next step". the first 2 or 3 months of my engagment i was pretty excited about all the new prospects in life. house, busines, no more long distance. Also wanted to make my gf at the moment happy bc we had just went through an abortion(her decision totally) and she is always kinda in a bad mood. i am extremeley scared about ending the marriage. i lose alot and not just financially. start from scratch all over again, i am starting to get successful. I was really looking for kids but im stiil not sure about that with my wife for 2 reasons. One cuz i dont wanna have a kid and then go through a divorce and 2 even though she says wants kids, im not sure she is really wanting them. she is weird around children and babies. not affectionate, etc. im the complete opposite. i have alot of fears in both directions, some of them are very normal ones. like being alone, regret, never having kids. we tried counseling, wasnt very fond of it. im very down to earth and i kinda thought it wasnt for me. she did say that i should end my marriage though. as for the other girl, i cant help but love her. if she wasnt 19 and inexperienced in some ways, not that she is immature, but just inexpereinced, i wouldnt have so many worries about our relationship. its not the years that bother me its where we are at in life. if she was 25 and i was 33 i wouldnt think alot of things i do now. ive done alot of fd up things in my lifee but i have good heart and i dont want to hurt my wifes feelings. i worry about her all the time since we have been going through this. just as much as i worry about myself.

[BUTAFLY]

You sound like a people pleaser. Everyones else comes first. Is this true?

 

also. If its not too personal to ask....was your wife having medical complications when she aborted?

[owcanbhppy]

welcome! a couple of your questions hit home w/ me. 1st, if its meant to be should it be so difficult. ive always believed it should not be a constant struggle. the joys should faaaaar outweigh the irritations, imo.

 

as my name suggests, im happy in my relationship, but i dont think mine is the conventional one you had in mind so ill move on.

 

i respectfully disagree w/ a4a, your gf being 19 does not necessarily mean she will move on fr you if you two give it a go. i have a sister who MARRIED at 19. they have beautiful children & over 25yrs later, could still be mistaken for being on their honeymoon. theyve remained very happy together.

 

i should note that my sister has always been an exceptional kind of mature & wise at every age (i wouldn't have been ready @ 29 - every one is different).

 

im not saying you should absolutely persue ow - sounds like you have doubts there to & could end up in the same situation, but w/ other party.

 

if you dont choose to stay in the m, nothing says you cant be alone for a while & take time to figure out what you want in a partner. being alone is not the dungeon so many make it out to be. ive always been comfortable w/out a relationship, and put alot of thought into who i entered into serious relationships w/ (and alot of thought into the times it was necessary to exit said relationships). i do believe that is why ea (serious) relationship was a source of tremendous growth. the time alone was time to know me, and more of what i wanted.

 

best of luck & please let us know how things go for you.

[BUTAFLY]

if its meant to be should it be so difficult. ive always believed it should not be a constant struggle.

I tend to flip flop on this. There are some that think love is worth fighting for. I believe this is true if the other person loves your back.

 

I also believe what you fight to get you will fight to keep.

[owcanbhppy]

"I also believe what you fight to get you will fight to keep."

 

i guess i havent thought of it that way butafly. i tend to think of my non-romantic relationships. friendships didnt take off because i found a person difficult. some family members have been difficult, others have been easy to be related to & added much joy to my life. i figure the chosen relationships should bring more happiness than something you have to fight for. else, why choose them?

[Meaplus3]

I tend to flip flop on this. There are some that think love is worth fighting for. I believe this is true if the other person loves your back.

 

I also believe what you fight to get you will fight to keep.

 

So well said BUTAFLY. Couldn't agree with you more here!

 

AP:)

[NoIDidn't]

I think you should leave your wife. Let her find someone that will truly want to be with her for the long haul and work to confront any doubts they may have. She deserves that much.

 

Whether or not your 19 y.o. GF will tire of you eventually is irrelevant. I think the issue is you. Not trying to be offensive but you sound like you have a lot more going on in this pot than what being presented - not that that's any of my business. If you are always "looking" and "flirting", that's the problem you should be trying to fix.

[PoshPrincess]

does anyone believe that if something( a love relationship) is meant to be it should come with ease naturally?

my story is very long, but here is the very short version.. married one year, but always kinda had some doubts as to is this really it, even while i was engaged. met another girl, we work together, been with her for 5 months, we just connectd from day one. extremley simliar personalities and likes. and our communication from the beginning far surpasses what i have with my wife. have not had sex with this girl for a few reasons( but everything else) and am happy with that decision so far. i love this girl so much, we have had some hang ups already but worked through them in less than 30 minutes and they have been some seriuos topics. even today i came to work, she makes me smile from ear to ear and i the same for her. i have been seperated from my wife for about a month. anyway, like i said i love her so much, but there a 100 things that make it so complicated for us to be together. so many negatives and it seems to be getting worse. i have days where im just like i should stay with wife, and this is how my life will be and thats it. it is what is. i do have love for my wife, she is a great girl in alot of ways and i know she loves me. also since i met this girl, i could careless about any other girl, where up until that point i was constantly flrting and "looking". always have dreams of finding someone to have no worries about, in terms of love and trust. i want a family life and feel truly content and for my "wife" to feel the same. i dont know what to do. im confused. everything i read on this website is just bad. no one is happy ( including myself), no one can be trusted, including myself.. the 2 biggest negative factors is that she is 8 years younger than i am, im 27 and we are a secret and im tired of lieing to the world. i mean certain people see we connect, including my parents. i have tried to push her away, knowing that she hasnt experinced alot in life plenty of times but it never seems to work.

is anybody in a truly fulfilling relationship, with love trust, and children? it seems no ones happy. can anyone help me out? if u need more details, feel free to ask.

 

You sound v much like the male version of myself! I have never been married but have a child from an 8 year relationship. I feel great when I first meet someone, but 'flirt' and 'look' as you do after a time. I always seem to think the grass is greener; basically I am easily bored. I was never a cheat before but cheated on my LTP twice. It was then that I realised I couldn't carry on with the relationship as it wasn't fair on him. I realised I would always be looking for something more. Luckily, 15 months later he is now happy with someone else, rather than being stuck with me, cheating all the time and making him unhappy.

 

I do think you should leave your wife. I am a believer in that if something is meant to be then you shouldn't have to try TOO hard to make it work. Ok, nothing in life is easy but loving someone should come naturally. As someone else said, if you are having these problems this early on in your marriage then it really isn't the right thing for you.

 

As for your gf, I don't think age is too relevant. As you said, the younger the couple the more relevant the age gap is but there are some very mature 19 year old women out there, some who only want to settle down and do the whole family thing. I have a cousin who was pregnant at 16 (not planned), married at 17 (he was q a bit older, and married to someone else when they met), they had 4 kids by the time she was 22 and everyone said it wouldn't last. Nearly 30 years and two grandchildren later they are still very happy together.

 

I'm not saying your gf will definitely be the one for you. Maybe you should take time out from your W and GF and try and get your head together. You are still q young yourself and have your whole life ahead of you. You WILL find true happiness eventually.

 

I know you said you tried MC but maybe IC would be a good idea. I have been finding it quite helpful in sorting out some of my issues and am finally realising why I am like I am where relationships are concerned.

 

Best of luck. Keep us updated!