junkopardner Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Hello. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m the “rebound” guy, but you can call me Mr. Rebound. Frankly, I don’t care what you call me as long as you call me when your long term relationship has gone careening of the cliff. I’m sure you’ve heard of me before. Hell, we may have even hooked up in the past. If I don’t remember please don’t take it personal. When you’ve been with as many as I have you start to lose count. Being Mr. Rebound is a lot like being a mortician; there’s so many bodies coming in all the time it gets hard to keep up with the volume. I’m a busy man and business is good. Real good. For those of you who may be in the dark about what “rebound” is let me get you up to speed. “Rebound” occurs when a couple’s relationship ends. The longer and more serious the relationship, the harder the rebound. There are many definitions of the word “rebound” in the dictionary, but the definition I’m referring to is a “reaction to a crisis or setback or frustration”. It’s like physics, and the Newtonian law is definitely in play. Now “rebound” can and often does affects both sexes, but I’m “Mr.” Rebound, remember. So I’m only going to talk about the ladies here. All of those lovely ladies. Ahhhhh…..I remember this one a couple of days ago…..ok, I’m getting off point here. Sorry. Where was I? Oh yeah, how “rebound” works. When one of those lovely ladies I was referring finds herself single after a painful breakup or divorce, she’s “on the rebound”. Now when I was new to this, I used to feel a little guilty about snatching them this way. I mean, not so guilty that I quit, mind you, but I felt like I was using them, exploiting them, taking advantage of their vulnerability….I mean, it’s easier than shooting fish in a barrel. It’s more like fishing with dynamite. So I guess it was only natural that I felt this way. Later on, I began to realize that they were using me as much as I was using them so any guilty feelings I may have had quickly dissipated at this revelation. There will be more on that later. It seems as though I keep getting ahead of myself, and again, I apologize. It’s hard for me to contain my enthusiasm. You’d understand my enthusiasm if you were lucky enough to be me. I promise from here on I will try to keep my focus and stay on point. Now, it’s been my experience based on years of astute observation that when a long term relationship ends, there’s a lot of pain involved. There’s a lot of crying, sadness, anger, hostility, resentment, bitterness, guilt, pain, heartache, disillusionment, bitching, moaning, whining, scratching, clawing, kicking, screaming……well, you get the idea. There are a lot of emotions. And I mean A LOT! And a lot of them are contradictory which only compounds the problem and adds to the confusion. So it’s safe to say that as result of this turmoil from the break up, these lovely ladies are more discombobulated that a headless chicken running around the slaughterhouse floor. Have you ever seen that? Man, that’s just crazy. I was out on my uncle’s farm one time and he whacked the head of off his chicken and……sorry! I’m getting off point again. Anyway, so they’re upset, confused, and most importantly, vulnerable. They’re just a terrible state. They need a lot of attention, understanding and affection (Oh dear, my ride’s here! This is where I come in). A lot of times, they don’t feel like they can turn to their friends or family for this kind of support, and the person that should be providing these things is the dipstick ex who’s no longer in the picture. So they turn to, you guessed it! “Mr. Rebound”! This is great because I don’t even have to go looking, expending my time, energy and effort. It just falls from the skies like manna from Heaven. Now we get to fish with dynamite. By the time they find me in their highly emotional, vulnerable and needy state, the work is already done. I don’t have to do a damn thing. Well, that’s not entirely true, but it’s easy. Did I mention that it was easy? Now you have to realize that most of them are leering from their old relationship and they’re so intent on getting as far away from it they can that they’re literally running while looking over their shoulder the whole time. You know, when you’re running you should really look ahead so you don’t run into anything, but fortunately for me this is rarely the case. A commonly used question in psychoanalysis is, “What are you getting out of it?” That’s always a good question to ask yourself throughout your life. The thought behind it is basically that we do everything that we do because we’re getting something out of it, or we probably wouldn’t be doing it otherwise. So let’s examine what I’m getting out of it, and also what the catch of the day is getting out if it. What am I getting out of it you ask? I’m getting action baby! I’m getting laid, or at least I better be! Do you honestly think I’m like that other sap that wants something genuine here? That loser has beat to the punch before, but he’s a complete rube. Sure, he gets some action but he wants more than that; he wants something real and meaningful. He wants the “reality” and not just the “fantasy”. He wants heart shaped boxes, and flowers and bluebirds singing from his shoulder. And then he’s heartbroken when he realizes she doesn’t want what he’s selling because she’s already chucked and running away from the very thing he’s selling. And then he wines and cries and mopes around, crying from his pity pot, “Why me, God!!??” God should answer, “Because you’re a frigging retard, that’s why!!” The difference between me and that other “Mr. Rebound” imposter is that I understand the game, how it’s played and what she really wants and needs. And I can guarantee you that right now, somewhere, that big phony is banging his head against the wall because he’s trying to get water out of a rock. Well not me buddy! No sir-ee….I know what she’s after and I am an accommodating kind of guy. Now, what I’m getting out of it is different than what she’s getting out of it. They’re usually not in it for the sex, and even sometimes when they are that’s only a small part of it. Now this is important, so listen closely. You know what I’m getting out of it. It’s not exactly like I’ve got mystery written on my forehead. But when it comes to what all the honies want it can seem pretty confusing and complex. But it’s never been complex to me, so let me unravel the mystery for you as to what the little honies get out of it. As a previously mentioned, they’re pretty wounded by the time they find me and they need emotional support, kindness, understanding, attention and affection. And they need lots of it and lots of it fast. They need an IV of it. That’s what they need, and that’s what they want. And like any good drug dealer, I hook them up. So I scratch their back, and in return, BINGO!! - they start paying off like a loose slot machine. It’s like Colt 45; it works every time. If it didn’t, I wouldn’t be Mr. Rebound anymore. I’m always in a win-win situation because I get the good stuff (i.e. that good, new, shiny-shiny, new car smell sex) and by the time the downside starts to manifest, it’s done and I’m now serving the next little honey in line. Let me clarify that bit more in detail for you. You see, the only downside I ever experienced with these women is having to give them the emotional support they need and pretend to actually give a **** about any of it. But you do any thing long enough and it becomes second nature, like cruise control. You don’t even have to think about it after a while and it becomes an art or a science. I got there pretty quick. When I first became Mr. Rebound, I used to constantly find myself irritated and impatient with the idea that I had to listen to a lot of their problems on a regular basis, and act like I was genuinely concerned and cared. I guess I’ve always been inherently lazy and just didn’t understand why we couldn’t just get to the good stuff without any of the pretense. But that’s just not the way of the world; its give and take - quid pro quo. So I realized my cross to bear to get I wanted was having to at least pretend to really be concerned, and listen and appear genuine in being there for her and giving her the support she needed and wanted. As I explained earlier, they’re there for emotional support, kindness, understanding, attention and affection. That then leads to what I want. You can’t put the cart before the horse here. I see all that as foreplay; albeit extremely uninteresting and boring foreplay with the faux support, but at least I know there’s a guaranteed pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. She understands the game too. It’s never spoken about, it’s just understood. But you’d be surprised how little of the tedious, boring tasks I have to perform. It’s mostly just flirtation, knowing winks and nods, making them feel attractive and desirable, laughing with them and generally keeping it what it is; light and causal. And that’s where the phony Mr. Rebound gets played. He has never and will never understand that they’re not shopping for a relationship. They just got out of one that’s caused them a great deal of pain, so why would they want to hop out of the fire into his frying pan? He’s clueless. He doesn’t understand they want it light and casual, with a pinch or two of pseudo reality to make them feel better about it. So where he suffers greatly because he insists on turning it into something she is incapable of participating in, and I succeed because I know she doesn’t want it, or is incapable of it, or both…..I don’t really care. I just know better. So I keep it light and casual, flirty and new, and it’s exciting because everything’s is fresh and the brain heroin is plentiful. It makes her feel better about herself. She feels attractive and desirable. She is getting attention and affection, and when the time comes for emotional support and understanding, I just nod a lot and act extremely interested and caring. It’s not hard to do. The trick is to look them in the eye, but don’t stare. Just from time to time. This let’s them know you care and are listening. And when you’re not looking her in the eye, you have to look like you care and are listening. So you nod a little, glance up and make the eye contact, maybe say something short but appropriate for whatever they just said, like, “I see” or “U huh” or “that must have been tough”. Anyway, you get the idea. But trust me when I say that this is the only downside. It’s not a huge downside but I could certainly do without it. The rest of the aforementioned stuff is quit fun. But the emotional support is essential because it’s the pinch of pseudo reality that’s needed to make having sex with me later more palatable. She knows I don’t care or want anything long term with her. She knows I don’t love her. THAT’S why she’s with me! But I guess the little emotional exchanges make it seem less casual than we both know it is which is important to a lot of the honies when it comes time to head to bedroom later. Then they at least want a little pretense that that it’s not meaningless. Without it, they would probably feel bad later, and the reason they came to me in the first place was to feel better. That would negate their purpose for seeking me out in the first place and might result in her prematurely exiting. And that just wouldn’t be cool. I want to ride it until the wheels fall off and sparks are shooting from the rims. This, of course, inevitably happens when the new car smell fades and the clock strikes midnight, signaling the second phase of the relationship and the end of our little game. NEXT? It has occurred to me that my honesty may be somewhat chilling, and that you may even be thinking of me as monstrous by now. Like I’m just the Big Bad Wolf preying on little Red Riding Hood here. This is simply not the case. You have to remember that we are using and exploiting one another mutually. Going back to that age old question posed in psychotherapy, “What are you getting out of it?” The implication being that no one does anything unless they’re getting something out of it. Well, I feel that I’ve explained, in great detail, what both of us are getting out of it. We both understand what’s really going on here. Whoever said that there are no victimless crimes couldn’t be more wrong. This is a victimless crime. We both get what we want, and we’re equally exploitive and opportunistic. If you can’t see that, then you’re as clueless as that other charlatan that is known as Mr. Rebound. If he thinks he has a snowball’s chance in hell of being in a serious relationship with her he’s not considering that fact that if she was really up for that, she’d probably just reconcile with her ex and try to work things out. In that sense, it would be tantamount to her using her ex as Mr. Rebound, and what kind of sense does that make? He also has to deal with the backlash. Inevitability she’ll begin to engage in, what’s referred to in the psychological world, “transference.” That’s just a fancy pants word for an “unconscious redirection of feelings of one person to another.” Then it gets really ugly. But the difference between me and this clown is by that time she’s long gone and I’m on to the next little honey. The reason I’m so effective is because I “get it”. I understand. I understand that she’s running, and trying to forget or bury her problems. That she has and is willing to go to any lengths to suppress the issues that still haunt her from her previous relationship. You see, by the time she makes it to me she hasn’t had a great deal of time, or been in the right frame of mind, to even remotely work out her issues from her previous relationship. She’s looking to run and hide, suppress and bury. So she comes to me. I’ve often heard that there’s nothing like someone new to get you over the someone you’ve been with. And it’s true. If it weren’t, my batting average wouldn’t be so high. That’s the function I serve, and all that’s required in return is just a little bump in the night. If you think that sounds crass, it’s because it is. But that’s just the nature of it. But before you start pointing the finger at me (or her), remember that it’s mutual exploitation. And then look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you’ve never wanted the fantasy without the reality and all of the trappings and pain that are synonymous with it. I’m living the dream. And her ex is living the nightmare. I get all the excitement he did with none of the pain. Life is good. Your significant others truly, Mr. Rebound
Gunny376 Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 I get it ~ big time! That's all I'm going to say for now! Interesting read! Thanks for posting!
ponderingwanderer Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Interesting, painful, but interesting.
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