I have read numerous threads about NC..but I don't get it??

[lovestruck234]

I don't really understand what the go is when people write about this No Contact stuff...

 

I don't get it....what is the purpose? Why do you do it?

 

I'm not saying it's a bad thing, or anything like that, I just REALLY HONESTLY don't understand what the whole meaning behind it all.

 

So could someone please be kind enough to enlighten me! Thanks!

[allina]

There are two main ideas behind it.

 

1- people do NC with an ex after a breakup hoping that their ex will miss them and realize that they want them back (I'm not a fan of this outlook)

 

2- for many, not having contact soon after a breakup is good because it helps you move on, keeps you from saying things to the person in a crying fit that you will later regret. I also think that nc helps to cut down on the lingering breakups where you're broken up but things are sort of hazy and end up hurting even more.

 

That being said, I didnt do nc with my ex but I'm long over that so whatever

[dgiirl]

Would your interest level increase or decrease if someone kept calling you every single day, crying and begging and pleading you to give your relationship another chance, telling you constantly that they love you, and asking if you love them too?

[allina]

Would your interest level increase or decrease if someone kept calling you every single day, crying and begging and pleading you to give your relationship another chance, telling you constantly that they love you, and asking if you love them too?

 

Are you asking me?

Obviously it would decrease, but if I decided that I wanted to end a relationship the ex not calling would not suddenly bring me to some revelation that it was a huge mistake to break up.

[dgiirl]

Are you asking me?

Obviously it would decrease, but if I decided that I wanted to end a relationship the ex not calling would not suddenly bring me to some revelation that it was a huge mistake to break up.

 

no to the op... seems we posted at the same time

[lovestruck234]

Would your interest level increase or decrease if someone kept calling you every single day, crying and begging and pleading you to give your relationship another chance, telling you constantly that they love you, and asking if you love them too?

 

I don't know.....

 

It would depend, I think. If I really didn't like the person and wanted nothing more to do with them then it would probably make my interest level decrease...

 

But knowing me, I get all jumbled up in my emotions and it would probably just get me confused, guilty, making me feel like I DO want them back...

 

Geeez, I don't know. I think I would have to be in the situation to make that call.

[norajane]

But knowing me, I get all jumbled up in my emotions and it would probably just get me confused, guilty, making me feel like I DO want them back...

 

That's why people go into NC after a break-up. If they broke up with someone, they don't want to get all confused because the person they broke up with is always calling and begging and confusing them. They made their decision and now want to get over it and move on.

 

If someone breaks up with you, you can go NC in order to get over the person. Each time they call to see how you're doing, or IM or whatever because you're supposedly trying to stay friends, that brings back the pain to the person that was dumped. They need to not hear from the person that dumped them in order to heal and get over it. The dumped person also needs to stop calling and begging and pleading and being hurt, and forcing them to NC makes the decision easier when they feel the itch to dial the phone.

[dgiirl]

Plus, those actions will either make the dumper feel guilty and go back to the dumpee (how great a feeling you had to guilt someone to stay with you), OR, it will make the dumper feel guilty to the point of getting annoyed and pissed off and pull away even harder.

 

NC saves the dumpee his self respect and saying stupid things they shouldnt. And if there's even a remote possibility the dumper changes his mind, he'll want to have respect for the dumpee.

[lovestruck234]

Great points...

 

So I'm statring to understand it a bit better....but I think that NC works for some, but not others...

 

See, if I had NC after a break-up....well, this would depend on the person/what we broke up over/how much I loved them I honestly think I would go crazy. I would be thinking something along the lines of...."geeez, I think I really broke his heart. He hasn't called or ANYTHING in a week...hmmm....aww no, if I dont' ring him he is going to think I'm the biggest snob. I should call him...aw, but I shouldn't..." there would be too many pondering thoughts...crazy thoughts.

 

Now, if I were to have a break-up where we DID keep in contact, that's when I would start to miss being with that person, want them back, feel guilty etc...

 

Either way, break-ups don't work very well for me...I wouldn't be able to stand either way!!

[ShoeGirl]

I think you are right lovestruck... it depends on the relationship and the break-up. I am not doing strict no contact with my ex, but we are not talking everyday for several hours like we used to either. We have talked twice since Friday and both conversations were needed by both of us. I think eventually we will stop talking as much but I still think we will be friends several years from now.