coloradonative Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 My situation is quite complicated. In August of 2004 I filed for a legal separation from my husband and we tried to reconcile and we lived together from November until May of 2005. I could say that during this time we basically lived as roommates - lived in separate rooms, paid our own bills and did our own things (well he did). Things were not right and I felt I knew he was cheating on me the entire time but every time I asked, he told me that he was not and I was crazy. I admit things were not the greatest with me and my self esteem. I had put on a little weight and was extremely depressed but who wouldn't be if this were going on? Well, long story short - I finally caught him in the act with his "girlfriend" in May. I begged him to stay with me but he refused and told me he wanted a divorce. Needless to say the divorce got very nasty. He continued to stay in the relationship with the other woman. Apart I gained a lot of self esteem, independence and become more healthy. I lost weight and looked great! My husband and I did not talk at all except for e-mails that were exchanged to get bills taken care of and the nasty letters that went between our attorneys. Well, I had moved on and in October I met a fantastic individual. He was a wonderful person and cared for me and was a person that I felt would never hurt me. We were raised the same way, had the same religious beliefs and values. We were so alike it was almost scary. We were in love and were even talking marriage. I felt that this person would make a wonderful husband, father, and best friend. I felt very safe and loved. Needless to say something happened, in August of this year my husband came back into my life (by an e-mail). He apologized for everything and wanted to work everything out. I broke up with the guy that I had been seeing and moved out of state (clear across the country) in a matter of two weeks. It was so quick that I am not sure I thought everything through as I should have. There was no doubt that I still loved my husband and we were still married (our divorce was to be final 2 weeks after he apologized) but was I thinking straight - after all, he cheated on me. How could he say he loved me and do something so horrible? I have been with my husband since that time and have had a real hard time accepting the fact that I walked away from the other guy. I still have really strong feelings for him. I could not believe that I had walked away from someone that I loved but then it dawned on me that I was in love with 2 people. What makes it worse, they were complete opposites. My husband tries daily to help me get over the cheating and supports me even though I have told him that I am in love with the other man. I do not know what to do - there is always an option...am I supposed to stay with my husband who cheated on me or go back and be with the other guy who I loved? Help...I don't know what to do and my emotions are tearing me apart - how can I love 2 people? I care so much about them both. I never expected that my husband would come back around and I totally thought I would marry this other guy and spend the rest of my life with him. What do I do? Any advice?
norajane Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 am I supposed to stay with my husband who cheated on me or go back and be with the other guy who I loved? You made your choice when you left the other guy and moved across the country in less than two weeks to be with your soon-to-be-ex-husband. What makes you think the other guy - the one you dumped unceremoniously - would want you back, would trust you, or is still in love with you? He's probably mighty pissed off at the way you treated him. You made your choice, so stick to your word and to your values and work on your marriage.
hazelle Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 That must have been one hell of an email! Perhaps you could spend some time apart from both of them to clear your thoughts. You need to be sure that you don't take this decision lightly. Do you have an friend you could stay with for a few weeks? Spend some time alone and try to listen to your heart. Don't over-rationalize and remember that you don't owe anyone anything.
Recommended Posts