Carol_1278 Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Hi - I have posted here a few times before, but not recently. I cheated on my husband a few months ago. We are married 3 years and together 8. While we were dating I had also cheated on him with an ex. (My husband was the first person I had sex with). We are in marriage counseling for the 2nd time in our 3 years of marriage. However, he did not know about me cheating, so I broke down one night and told him out of the blue. Of course he was devastated and said he might leave me...he had to think it over. So he went to the bar, got drunk, came home and decided that he wanted to work on things. For a few days after that he would question me about specifics of the most recent encounter. He said he didn't really care abobut the first because we were only 19 or 20 and newly dating. Now, it is a few weeks since I told him and it's kind of like it never happened. It does not seem to bother him at all. This concerns me because I don't know if he is constantly thinking about it or he really has just let it go. The only time it ever comes up is if he is making a joke about it. I dont want to bring it up to him or with the counselor for the chance that maybe he really was able to let it go that easily...but I am concerned it will come back to haunt us in the future. Is it possible that he got over it in a matter of a few days with only 1-2 hours of intense drama between us? Thanks in advance.
magichands Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Is it possible that he got over it in a matter of a few days with only 1-2 hours of intense drama between us? In a word - no. But maybe he's trying for both your sakes. Hopefully you can both put this behind you. Good luck with rekindling things.
Mythical Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Hi - I have posted here a few times before, but not recently. I cheated on my husband a few months ago. We are married 3 years and together 8. While we were dating I had also cheated on him with an ex. (My husband was the first person I had sex with). We are in marriage counseling for the 2nd time in our 3 years of marriage. However, he did not know about me cheating, so I broke down one night and told him out of the blue. Of course he was devastated and said he might leave me...he had to think it over. So he went to the bar, got drunk, came home and decided that he wanted to work on things. For a few days after that he would question me about specifics of the most recent encounter. He said he didn't really care abobut the first because we were only 19 or 20 and newly dating. Now, it is a few weeks since I told him and it's kind of like it never happened. It does not seem to bother him at all. This concerns me because I don't know if he is constantly thinking about it or he really has just let it go. The only time it ever comes up is if he is making a joke about it. I dont want to bring it up to him or with the counselor for the chance that maybe he really was able to let it go that easily...but I am concerned it will come back to haunt us in the future. Is it possible that he got over it in a matter of a few days with only 1-2 hours of intense drama between us? Thanks in advance. Maybe he doesn't care because hes cheating on you now? I would never stay with someone that cheated on me....exspecially twice....and if I did saty with them id loose all respect for them.....maybe thats what he did and thats why he doesn't care
norajane Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Bring it up in marriage counseling. Your hubby is probably masking his feelings with the humor. The counselor can help him communicate his feelings to you, and that way you'll be able to work through this. Otherwise, I fear that it will be festering inside, though his pride won't let it show on the outside.
Bryanp Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 People deal with pain and humiliation is different ways. I guarantee you he is feeling the pain but is trying to work on the marriage. His attitude sounds very mature. I think you need to look in the mirror and ask why you were cheating on him while you were dating and now cheated on him after 3 years of marriage and putting his health at risk for STD's. You are lucky that he is staying with you because many men would have just filed for divorce. Why did you cheat on him and why do you wish to remain married to a person that you would do this to? How would you feel if he was doing to you what you have been doing to him?
Carol_1278 Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Thank you for your replies (off-topic as some of them were....) My husband told me today that he has not been sleeping, that this is on his mind a lot. As much as that hurts, I am glad it is in the open again and we are talking about it. We are both dedicated to making things work and getting through this so I think things will be ok. Thank you again.
Flyin in Clouds Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I cheated on my husband a few months ago. ... Is it possible that he got over it in a matter of a few days with only 1-2 hours of intense drama between us? I don't think he'll ever get over it. Accept it - maybe. Guys are different, but if it was me I'd be plotting revenge - quietly pretending all was well until I could drop the bomb on you. Certainly I wouldn't invest much time or energy in the old love bank for my cheating wife. Since you decieved him, why do you think he won't deceive you? Lie to you? You expect honesty from others but to be dishonest yourself? Just what horrible thing did your H do to you to cause you to rape him? Are you going to encourage him to seek a small fling with another woman? If not, why not? Is cheating just something you get to do? If you remain married I suspect over the long haul of a 20 years he'll have plenty of opportunities and I suspect he'll take advantage of some of them. I know I would.
seibert253 Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I don't wish to sound mean, but you and your things would be out the door. I think you should work on your shortcomings first, then worry about your husband's.
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