herenow Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 I have been a Love Shack member for a couple of days and I have seen all the emotion here between the BW and the OW. I'm a BW. My H had an affair with a woman he met at work. I found out after it had been going on for about 6 months. He immediately went NC with her and we went to MC. I original wanted him out of my life, but I have young kids and stayed for them. The OW continued to try and contact my H. She wanted him to lie to me so that they could continue their A. He has been open with me, let me hear her messages and wrote her a NC letter that I sent. I have all his passwords and he calls me throughout the day to assure me that he is where he says. However, I'm still skeptical and don't fully trust him. It's only been 8 months and I know that it will be a long time before I can trust him again, but I know that he is trying. There were problems in our marriage that we are working on and I have now found that I'm here because I want to be and not only for the kids. My question to the OW is why would you get involved in a relationship with a MM knowing that eventually someone will get hurt. Maybe it's the wife, the kids, the MM, you or everyone. I have read things like, "you can't help who you fall in love with" or "he was so persistent". What is it about the relationship that makes the pain worth it? I'm not trying to be mean, I would like someone to reach down deep into your soul and answer honestly. The statistics show that relationships that start as affairs rarely work, so you know that chances are slim, so why? I'm not here to fight, I'm here to understand you so I can get over the hate I have for my H's OW. I have never spoken to her and I really don't want to because I know that she was deeply hurt as well. She no longer works with my husband and I'm thankful for that. Don't think for a moment that I don't blame my H for what he did. I blame him first and he knows it. I just would like to hear the other side of the story.
Author herenow Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 I forgot to spell check. Oh well.
yousaveme Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 For me it sounds bad but it was a FWB deal. I was with someone else. Not a pretty picture i know. We talked and formed a strong bond..I found out that he was in a very unhappy marriage and was only there for the children. It just happened we fell for eachother..I dont know how else to say it. We both have agreed neither one was looking for it. But we did just that fall in love. He marriage was started out of obligation, he got her pregnant after only knowing her for 5 months, felt it was the right thing to do. They have talked about divorce. He has cheated before but never had a relationship with the other person. Just FWB. For us it just feels like we found each other..Just not at the best time.. We got caught , but are still together. We both reliezed our feelings are real and deep that why we are together. His wife knows the marriage is over , she has said it. She knows he loves me, she also has said that. It an act for the kids at the moment for their well being , things will change and we will have to be there for them.
Author herenow Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 For me it sounds bad but it was a FWB deal. I was with someone else. Not a pretty picture i know. We talked and formed a strong bond..I found out that he was in a very unhappy marriage and was only there for the children. It just happened we fell for eachother..I dont know how else to say it. We both have agreed neither one was looking for it. But we did just that fall in love. He marriage was started out of obligation, he got her pregnant after only knowing her for 5 months, felt it was the right thing to do. They have talked about divorce. He has cheated before but never had a relationship with the other person. Just FWB. For us it just feels like we found each other..Just not at the best time.. We got caught , but are still together. We both reliezed our feelings are real and deep that why we are together. His wife knows the marriage is over , she has said it. She knows he loves me, she also has said that. It an act for the kids at the moment for their well being , things will change and we will have to be there for them. Two questions: First what is FWB? and have you met his kids? Do they know that you are in a relationship with their dad?
yousaveme Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Two questions: First what is FWB? and have you met his kids? Do they know that you are in a relationship with their dad? 1) FWB means Friends with benefits ( i know it sounds bad) 2) Yes, but they really dont know anything other than saying hi...Like i said its in their best interest right now...It was in passing and they might not even remember me if they saw me again.It wasnt a planned thing...
Author herenow Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 1) FWB means Friends with benefits ( i know it sounds bad) 2) Yes, but they really dont know anything other than saying hi...Like i said its in their best interest right now...It was in passing and they might not even remember me if they saw me again.It wasnt a planned thing... Don't you ever want more for yourself? I know that we have discussed the possibility that this could go on for years. Do you ever just want someone that puts you first, that will be there for you always? This is the part that I don't get about the OW. Why settle for someone that can't commit to you for whatever reason? No offense, but I really believe that if he wanted to be with you now, he would. I don't know how old you are, but I know that I'm not getting any younger and there wil be a day when I won't be able to do the fun things that young people do as a couple. Don't you want that? Don't you deserve that?
yousaveme Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Don't you ever want more for yourself? I know that we have discussed the possibility that this could go on for years. Do you ever just want someone that puts you first, that will be there for you always? This is the part that I don't get about the OW. Why settle for someone that can't commit to you for whatever reason? No offense, but I really believe that if he wanted to be with you now, he would. I don't know how old you are, but I know that I'm not getting any younger and there wil be a day when I won't be able to do the fun things that young people do as a couple. Don't you want that? Don't you deserve that? Of course i want more. But like i said its what we have for each other that makes us keep it going. We try and make the best of it for now. As for him leaving , you have to understand and know him. Thats the type of person he is. The kids are first..I want them first. We will have our time. This will not be going on forever...He has been there for me for alot of things. Im not going to crush these kids to make us happy right now. We will have are time. We both believe that. Like i said the marriage is over. We have talked alot about our future together.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 I'm still not sure I completely understand the reasons, but I'll try my best. A year ago, if anyone had told me I would soon fall in love with a married man I would have laughed in their face. Although, now that I have removed myself from it, I know now it was not love. Anyway. I had pretty much given up on love and romance and married someone I was not in love with. This was a sexless relationship from the start (we didn't even do it on our honeymoon). We weren't yet married 10 months when I realized what a colossal mistake I made, that yes, I DO need physical intimacy!, asked him to move out, and started divorce proceedings. Obviously, that wasn't the only problem, but has to do with the purpose of this post. Right around this time a MM at work, who I had always liked and joked around with, started paying attention to me. It started with emails first. He's a rocket scientist compared to my exH. Very educated, takes care of himself, well traveled. He made me laugh. He made me feel special at a time when I was feeling exactly the opposite. I compare myself now to the weak animal in the herd.... What started out as just making out like teenagers in our cars, escalated into something more. At first I just told myself I was fulfilling a long-denied need. Here was someone I liked, and I could have my fix with no attachments. (HA!) He was the first to bring up the word love. It was in the middle of an argument - argument because we were growing way too close and I was way out of my comfort zone. He said 'I love you and have wanted to tell you that for weeks now.' You know the rest: I've never felt this passion, I want to know every single thing about you, you left a handprint on my heart (gag), you've made me change in a way that no one else ever has, etc. It always seemed as if we had the oddest things in common. I mean the obscure things. Which, looking back, I often wonder if he wasn't just matching me. Making it seem like we were some kind of soul mates or something. All told, we only were intimate as far as sex a total of 4 or 5 times. Amazing that my mind won't let me come up with the exact number. Still, throughout all this, there were many freak-outs on my part. Because as emotionally broken as I was, I knew what I was doing was wrong -- for me. The physical intimacy ended months ago, but it took a long time to break off the emotional part. Which is where I'm at now: Working with someone who I once liked as a colleague, who I now can't stand for the role he played in my little self-respect breakdown. He read me like a book and took full advantage of someone who was feeling very unattractive, unsexy, and all the rest. Don't know if it completely answers your question but there's the reader's digest version of my story.
Author herenow Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 Of course i want more. But like i said its what we have for each other that makes us keep it going. We try and make the best of it for now. As for him leaving , you have to understand and know him. Thats the type of person he is. The kids are first..I want them first. We will have our time. This will not be going on forever...He has been there for me for alot of things. Im not going to crush these kids to make us happy right now. We will have are time. We both believe that. Like i said the marriage is over. We have talked alot about our future together. Do you know if his wife has any relationship outside the marriage. I don't believe that a woman would stay in a loveless marriage without something to keep her going. Do you know for sure that they don't have a physical relationship? That must be very hard for everyone. Do you know if they have ever tried MC? I'm sure that a good MC would tell them that an unhappy home is not good for children. Most professionals say that two happy parents apart are better than two unhappy parents together. I'm sure that you have heard it all before.
Author herenow Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 I'm still not sure I completely understand the reasons, but I'll try my best. A year ago, if anyone had told me I would soon fall in love with a married man I would have laughed in their face. Although, now that I have removed myself from it, I know now it was not love. Anyway. I had pretty much given up on love and romance and married someone I was not in love with. This was a sexless relationship from the start (we didn't even do it on our honeymoon). We weren't yet married 10 months when I realized what a colossal mistake I made, that yes, I DO need physical intimacy!, asked him to move out, and started divorce proceedings. Obviously, that wasn't the only problem, but has to do with the purpose of this post. Right around this time a MM at work, who I had always liked and joked around with, started paying attention to me. It started with emails first. He's a rocket scientist compared to my exH. Very educated, takes care of himself, well traveled. He made me laugh. He made me feel special at a time when I was feeling exactly the opposite. I compare myself now to the weak animal in the herd.... What started out as just making out like teenagers in our cars, escalated into something more. At first I just told myself I was fulfilling a long-denied need. Here was someone I liked, and I could have my fix with no attachments. (HA!) He was the first to bring up the word love. It was in the middle of an argument - argument because we were growing way too close and I was way out of my comfort zone. He said 'I love you and have wanted to tell you that for weeks now.' You know the rest: I've never felt this passion, I want to know every single thing about you, you left a handprint on my heart (gag), you've made me change in a way that no one else ever has, etc. It always seemed as if we had the oddest things in common. I mean the obscure things. Which, looking back, I often wonder if he wasn't just matching me. Making it seem like we were some kind of soul mates or something. All told, we only were intimate as far as sex a total of 4 or 5 times. Amazing that my mind won't let me come up with the exact number. Still, throughout all this, there were many freak-outs on my part. Because as emotionally broken as I was, I knew what I was doing was wrong -- for me. The physical intimacy ended months ago, but it took a long time to break off the emotional part. Which is where I'm at now: Working with someone who I once liked as a colleague, who I now can't stand for the role he played in my little self-respect breakdown. He read me like a book and took full advantage of someone who was feeling very unattractive, unsexy, and all the rest. Don't know if it completely answers your question but there's the reader's digest version of my story. Actually it does answer the question. I see that you had a need that this MM filled. I think that's what happened to my H. He had a need and the OW filled it. Thank you, it does help to see that it happens the same on both sides. I appreciate you taking the time to tell your story.
stillhere Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 My story is similar to yousaveme. It started out as FWB, i was (technically still am) married, and i was no longer in love with my H. I tried many times to leave, but i always felt terrible...........he knew how to make me feel terrible. So one day at work, MM approached me and asked for my number. I was floored. This was the one man who no one in there right mind would even guess would stray. And so it began. About a month a half into our "arrangement", i told him that we were going to have problems, because i was falling for him. I told him that we talk way more than we "hook up" and i'm getting emotionally attached. He told me that we can't have that. Slowly, we started to break every rule that we had laid down. And on my birthday, he told me that he loved me too. This coming from the man that i never thought i would hear those words cross his lips. He had always told me that he would never leave her. That he couldn't do that. And then i had a break down, worrying about the day that he was no longer in my life because i can't stay with him if he was never planning on leaving. He told me that we may have a future someday. That was all i needed to hear. Do i want more for myself? More than you'll ever know. But this man is my best friend, and i mean that in every sense of the word. He goes out of his way to make me happy. No one has ever gone to such lengths for me. He supports me emotionally and financially as well. If i'm having a bad day, only he can help me through it and make me feel better. I have never trusted anyone as much as him (a little ironic, i know). He knows everything about me. The one good thing i've learned from this, if we don't end up growing old together, then i know exactly what i want from my future partner, and i will not settle for less. He has every quality that i've ever wanted in a man. I, too, sometimes find it hard to understand my situation. How did i get myself into this mess? Why couldn't he have been an *ss, and i wouldn't have had such a hard time walking away. He fell in love with me as well, he has cried over me (he has never cried over anyone), and he has an effect on me that i can't explain. I use to cry myself to sleep every night. But it seems i've grown accustomed to this way of living, and i can tolerate it. I know i won't always be able to, but for now, i am. Sad, but true.
yousaveme Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Do you know if his wife has any relationship outside the marriage. I don't believe that a woman would stay in a loveless marriage without something to keep her going. Do you know for sure that they don't have a physical relationship? That must be very hard for everyone. Do you know if they have ever tried MC? I'm sure that a good MC would tell them that an unhappy home is not good for children. Most professionals say that two happy parents apart are better than two unhappy parents together. I'm sure that you have heard it all before. no as far as we know she doesnt. And as far as a physical relationship , NO...They live more like friends there is hardly any real communication other than stuff about the kids. Nothing really between them..Those things have always been like that between them. He works nights basically not to be around each other that much. And before you ask yes also on the weekends. Basically when he is home its to be with the kids. At one point MC was mentioned but neither one saw a point in it. He has basically left the marriage emotionally and physically. So has she. I hate to repeat myself but she knows he isnt there more than for the kids. And she has expected that. I have talked to her when we got caught. She admitted and knew then we are in love. He defended me throughout. She has mentioned me time from time , basically telling him " I know you love her", She has asked him " Have you talked to her, but you wouldnt tell me anyway", He has answered her " No i wouldnt" I do believe the kids would be better off seeing them happy in other lives. But they arent my children, I can only respect his decision. I would never want to be in that type of relationship , where we didnt love each other. that there was nothing there. But i guess they think they are doing what is best for the kids at the moment. This marriage was over long before me..It happened we found eachother at this moment. And we have decided we love eachother enough that we want this to work. The kids are our primary concern, and will always be...Right
yousaveme Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Do you know if his wife has any relationship outside the marriage. I don't believe that a woman would stay in a loveless marriage without something to keep her going. Do you know for sure that they don't have a physical relationship? That must be very hard for everyone. Do you know if they have ever tried MC? I'm sure that a good MC would tell them that an unhappy home is not good for children. Most professionals say that two happy parents apart are better than two unhappy parents together. I'm sure that you have heard it all before. no as far as we know she doesnt. And as far as a physical relationship , NO...They live more like friends there is hardly any real communication other than stuff about the kids. Nothing really between them..Those things have always been like that between them. He works nights basically not to be around each other that much. And before you ask yes also on the weekends. Basically when he is home its to be with the kids. At one point MC was mentioned but neither one saw a point in it. He has basically left the marriage emotionally and physically. So has she. I hate to repeat myself but she knows he isnt there more than for the kids. And she has expected that. I have talked to her when we got caught. She admitted and knew then we are in love. He defended me throughout. She has mentioned me time from time , basically telling him " I know you love her", She has asked him " Have you talked to her, but you wouldnt tell me anyway", He has answered her " No i wouldnt" I do believe the kids would be better off seeing them happy in other lives. But they arent my children, I can only respect his decision. I would never want to be in that type of relationship , where we didnt love each other. that there was nothing there. But i guess they think they are doing what is best for the kids at the moment. This marriage was over long before me..It happened we found eachother at this moment. And we have decided we love eachother enough that we want this to work. The kids are our primary concern, and will always be..
Author herenow Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 So I'm seeing a trend here and on other threads. When there is still love in a marriage, the WS tends to be able to break contact from the OP to try and make the marriage work. But when love is lost either by the wife and or the husband, the affairs continues. I know that in the case of yousaveme, they stay together for the kids. I still don't get that, but who am I to argue? So, if love is lost, why not divorce before moving on to the next relationship?
yousaveme Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 So I'm seeing a trend here and on other threads. When there is still love in a marriage, the WS tends to be able to break contact from the OP to try and make the marriage work. But when love is lost either by the wife and or the husband, the affairs continues. I know that in the case of yousaveme, they stay together for the kids. I still don't get that, but who am I to argue? So, if love is lost, why not divorce before moving on to the next relationship? I believe that also, but what can i do..I love him , he loves me...with love there is respect and i have respect what he is doing for his kids..We will have our time. But i dont want to hurt those kids either. So far right now we makes this work and then we can move on. He is here for me everyday, and me for him..I do feel for the kids, because i know even when this all comes out to them. I think they will be upset that their parents were fake with each other. But no matter what happens or how it comes out my hope is we will all be there for the kids. Its more for their mental stability when this comes out , they will not lose total focus on school and their future.
YoMomma Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 I have been a Love Shack member for a couple of days and I have seen all the emotion here between the BW and the OW. I'm a BW. My H had an affair with a woman he met at work. My question to the OW is why would you get involved in a relationship with a MM knowing that eventually someone will get hurt. What is it about the relationship that makes the pain worth it? I'm not here to fight, I'm here to understand you so I can get over the hate I have for my H's OW. Don't think for a moment that I don't blame my H for what he did. I blame him first and he knows it. I just would like to hear the other side of the story. I was in a dead marriage when I met my MM, we met at a time when I was very down. He flirted with me, he stopped at my desk constantly to talk, met me in the hall way, he was always there, waiting in the parking lot when I got, etc. always ready to start up a conversation. Like many OW I also never believed I'd be capable of having an affair with a MM, especially someone that I met at work. When I saw that I was becoming attracted to him, I left the job and went to work for a different company. But his emails followed, we were friends at first but always had that flirtation between us. After a few months we met up again, and within two weeks had become intimate. It was supposed to be a FWB relationship, but it turned into a full blown affair and went on for almost two years. We have since stopped seeing each other, and I am suffering. We are all suffering, because someone found us out and his wife is now aware of our relationship! I am heart broken for everyone involved and saddened for his family. I never wanted this for any of us and deeply regret letting my emotions take over my sanity. He is trying to make this work with his wife, I hope they have the strenght to get back on track. Although to be honest I am not the first OW in his life, he's cheated before. I didn't find this out until after our first kiss, he fessed up and told me. I felt so guilty after our kiss and wanted to stop seeing him, and that is when he told me that he had been unfaithful in the past. And yes I still love him, the sex was the greatest, but even better was the time we just sat and talked. His wife has every right to hate me, I put myself in her life without her permission. I accept that, it takes two to tango, we were both wrong. He always said he loved his wife, but to be honest I know he loved having sex with me and had we not gotten caught (she still believes we were just friends) he would still be seeing me. I will survive!
yousaveme Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 herenow....are you getting a better understanding? I hope this thread is a help to you....
Can'tGiveUp Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Mine is somewhat different in that I had a relationship with MM when we were both searated (I still am). His W had initiated their separation and after almost a year, decided she wanted to try again. He went back for many reasons, the main being his kids. After more than a year of essentially NC, we started talking again. His marriage is not perfect - they still have a lot of problems. We had many heartwrenching conversations about what to do (or not do) yet despite all of it we could not stay away from each other. We live for the moment now. Both of us fully aware that it can't last forever. Yet we both admit that we can't walk away from the other again. We don't talk about his M - I don't want to know and he doesn't need to hear my opinions about staying together for the kids. We also don't talk about my desire for him to leave her. He knows how I feel and that is enough - for now. I never would have chosen to be an OW and I would never ever suggest that anyone should do it. But I am happier now than I have been for the last year. And he hates that we are in this situation and have to hide our love for each other, but he believes that this is what is best for his kids. The uniqueness of the start of our relationship with both of us being separated means that I have heard much about his marriage prior to the reconciliation. He had no need to lie about it in order to convince me of anything as we both considered ourselves single and available. Wounded from the ending of our Ms, but neither ever expected to be back with our exes at that time.
lovernotafighter Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 HereNow don't mind me, I'm not using a spell checker either :-) the lure hmm..it's had to say exactly what happened..you see my MM and I were deeply drawn to each other and because of that avoided each other for a very very long time..but it got worse with time...we tried everything to turn off our feelings for each other but nothing ever seemed to work. we went over and over why and what we were doing..we are people who live by logic, so this baffled us to no end.. so the attraction was there and when we were forced to be apart rather than our own emission we became friends and fell in love. that is the only explaination..the sex at first was bad and awkward we even questioned why would we do it again? but we were forming a bond. but at the same time we hurt each other called NC over and over because what we were doing was wrong and we were getting very sick and drained by our guilt and our love/heartbreak. we admitted we filled very deep voids in each others lives..loveless marriages/ our best friends were gone..we needed these things and as of right now I have learned my MM needed that way more than sex..in fact he wanted to let that go in order to save our friendship because he felt we didn't share enough talking time and and our sexual relationship was destroying it ( theres allot to this though so I'll not get into that ) I think that is what it boils down to though HN, voids..we could be closer to each other than anyone else..problems in the marriage couldn't be talked about to the spouses because we felt they will be hurt and take everything the wrong way...so it was easier for us to ignore our problems with them and and use the affair as a bandaid for our unhappiness..sharing and caring for each other..with nothing else keeping you together but your feelings alone..in our marriges their are so many problems..we all have them, and it interfers with the relationship and many times needs are just not being met..to even many times no fault on the other spouse but it is still happening..you know what I'm trying to say? this is my take any way.
frannie Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 My question to the OW is why would you get involved in a relationship with a MM knowing that eventually someone will get hurt. Maybe it's the wife, the kids, the MM, you or everyone. I have read things like, "you can't help who you fall in love with" or "he was so persistent". What is it about the relationship that makes the pain worth it? I'm not trying to be mean, I would like someone to reach down deep into your soul and answer honestly. The statistics show that relationships that start as affairs rarely work, so you know that chances are slim, so why? Love is like that, isn't it? We all go into love knowing that we could get hurt. Affairs are really no different to any other love situation... love is always a gamble. But with an affair, the stakes are higher, the chances are slimmer, so you're right that there has to be some underlying reason why someone would go into such a high-risk situation. And you've already had some good answers: OW who are married themselves, FWB situations that turned into emotional involvements. (I'd say 'naivety and hope' was another theme... the 20-something OW, but that's another story). Those two I've mentioned are both variants on the theme of 'I don't want to get involved in a commited way' that was definitely the case for me. I'd had a very bad relationship which I was pretty much over, and wasn't looking for a new relationship at all. In fact I'd sworn off men altogether. When I met my MM, I felt initially that it was going nowhere because he was married... and therefore I was 'safe'. (Something like the FWB scenarios, I suppose, although we met online, so it was all F and no B ). But onto the other aspect of the underlying reasons for getting involved in the high-risk situation of an affair: the feeling that this one is special. It's not just any man who wanders through your life, but someone with whom the connection feels different... Perhaps I should talk personally and stop generalising. When I met MM, it was like meeting an old friend. We came from the same place (though he'd long since moved to another city), were the same age (early 40s), shared a sense of humour, many interests, political leanings, philosophising, musical taste (to a degree... he hates Classical!), but mainly, most importantly... we could sit and talk to each other so easily... as I say, like connecting with someone you've known forever. So, there you have it... the initial reasons were: great connection, and (for my part) the belief that it wouldn't go anywhere as he was married. Of course, things went very differently than I first imagined... and we did get emotionally involved quickly, and he soon started talking about leaving his marriage. But that's another story.
Author herenow Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 Thank you everyone for your stories. What I see here are a lot of people who are dealing with a difficult situation. It's proof that affairs are never easy for anyone. The inner struggles that the OW goes through must be painful at times. The OW that have answered here have been respectful and tried to answer the question without justifying their actions. I'm glad I started this post. My view of the OW before this was that of a selfish, insensitive bitch with no remorse for the pain that affairs cause. I can see that I was mistaken. I would like to belive that all of you understand the BW point of view and why we feel hatred towards the OW. I know in my case, I felt that a stranger had come into my life without my knowleadge and (along with my husband) destroyed my family. She is faceless to me and I came to you to try and see her reality. You have helped me with that. Thank you
yousaveme Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Thank you everyone for your stories. What I see here are a lot of people who are dealing with a difficult situation. It's proof that affairs are never easy for anyone. The inner struggles that the OW goes through must be painful at times. The OW that have answered here have been respectful and tried to answer the question without justifying their actions. I'm glad I started this post. My view of the OW before this was that of a selfish, insensitive bitch with no remorse for the pain that affairs cause. I can see that I was mistaken. I would like to belive that all of you understand the BW point of view and why we feel hatred towards the OW. I know in my case, I felt that a stranger had come into my life without my knowleadge and (along with my husband) destroyed my family. She is faceless to me and I came to you to try and see her reality. You have helped me with that. Thank you I'm glad to see you are seeing things in a different light. Im glad you started the also....
lighthouse Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Herenow - I think a lot of times the H or W lies to the OW or OM. He slept on the couch or in the guest room. They were "like roomates." It is always the same stuff. But in real life there are blankets on the couch. There are no clothes in the guest bedroom. It is often, not always but very often, a relationship built on lies. Lies first to the BS and then to the OW or OM. lighthouse P.S. I have a friend who was the OW and is still believing his lies despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
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