I'm lost . . .

[Mz. Pixie]

If your husband hasnt made you happy for 9 years and won't even discuss anything with you, and lies to you about lunches with women and porn... what the the heck do you have to feel guilty about?

 

She was still unfaithful. My major issue with this is that she's moved this guy into her home when her H is out of town. They are getting it on in their marriage bed. That is just a line that I never crossed, even when I had an affair.

 

It irks me when one person doesn't want to put any effort into a relationship, but they sure like playing the victim when they lose the relationship they didn't deserve in the first place. Life is too short. Be happy.

 

I agree with the above statement, but she should have divorced before she had the affair.

[Chapter2]

That is absolutely what I meant Mz. Pixie. I take full responsibility for the lines I crossed and know exactly when I crossed those lines. You have no idea how much I wish I could turn back time. The truth is though that while my xMM's wife came after me, her problem is sleeping right next to her. If I were powerful enough to lure a man who didn't want to cheat away from his wife then I'd be pretty powerful. He wanted to cheat and has done so before me.

 

It also throws a cog in the wheel when the MM says things like "she chased me" etc. I know my xMM told his wife this and also told her it was only an EA and not a PA. It was both and lasted far longer than he came clean about. She doesn't realize that I'm the one that finally ended it, moved away, changed my numbers, etc. She needs and wants to believe that I chased him and woudln't let go. She can't live with her choice to stay with someone that disrespects her that much otherwise.

 

I know from my own journey through all of this that if I have a partner that cheats in the future it will be him I deal with, not the OW... she has very little to do with it. I do think it would be easy to blame her though. At the end of the day you're left with knowing he could've said no and didn't.

 

It's much easier to blame the OW or the OM that the partner. Because they love their partner and they'd like to believe that the person "ran after them" or "threw themselves" at their spouse- because that makes the whole thing easier to swallow- if they want to stay with their partner.

 

Honestly, it's hard for them to mend their marriage without being able to put the blame on the OP.

 

No one can be stolen unless they want to be, plain and simple.

 

The real person who should be blamed in this whole thing is the partner who cheated. Not necessarily the OW or the OM. The spouse is the one who made vows to that partner, period. They are the ones who lied to the person who trusted them most.

 

I think that there are people who set out to flirt with and get someone's spouse interested in them, yes. But I'd wager there are more women especially who have no clue the guy is married until later on. Then when they find out they are lied to "we're separated" and "we live separate lives and I'm just waiting on the right time to get a divorce" :rolleyes:

 

No matter how much flirting and such that the OW or OM does with the spouse, however, if they do not want to cheat, they won't.

 

I can tell you 100 percent that if my husband cheated, I wouldn't give a crap about the OW. My radar would be focused on him and him alone.

[peacelove]

It's much easier to blame the OW or the OM that the partner. Because they love their partner and they'd like to believe that the person "ran after them" or "threw themselves" at their spouse- because that makes the whole thing easier to swallow- if they want to stay with their partner.

 

Honestly, it's hard for them to mend their marriage without being able to put the blame on the OP.

 

No one can be stolen unless they want to be, plain and simple.

 

The real person who should be blamed in this whole thing is the partner who cheated. Not necessarily the OW or the OM. The spouse is the one who made vows to that partner, period. They are the ones who lied to the person who trusted them most.

 

I think that there are people who set out to flirt with and get someone's spouse interested in them, yes. But I'd wager there are more women especially who have no clue the guy is married until later on. Then when they find out they are lied to "we're separated" and "we live separate lives and I'm just waiting on the right time to get a divorce" :rolleyes:

 

No matter how much flirting and such that the OW or OM does with the spouse, however, if they do not want to cheat, they won't.

 

I can tell you 100 percent that if my husband cheated, I wouldn't give a crap about the OW. My radar would be focused on him and him alone.

 

Ditto!!!

[Romeo Must Die]

My post was made to one person and that was guest. Certianly, I am sorry if that I offended you, but it offends me too when you pick apart my statements and make it look however you want. I am not a hater. If anything, I was being sarcastic towards guest in my reply because I didn't think what she was doing to her husband was fair, yet she had the nerve to call me judgemental. I was shooting holes in that cheaters logic. Romeo hated to be judged for having an affair, he didnt want to be the bad guy yet he was using and exploiting two women for many years and one of them was me. I can read a MP real well.

 

Ch2 You may think that what I said was general, but The Other Man/Woman is a general forum for all "other women" lumped into one catagory of support and discussion for those involved in an affair. To be precise. Why wouldnt they support her, even if you wouldnt. Her trials and tribulations belong there. She is headlong into the affair and is talking divorce. She needs that special understanding from those who are in it or were in it.

 

Mz Pixie I appreciate that you were concerned for me being a former OW, but I feel that you are judging me and lumping me into all BW's who have said hurtful things to you. I've seen it on all sides. I choose not to post there because I dont want to project my hurt feelings onto someone else, even by mistake, so I will only post specific to my situation. I may have a few harsh words of advice to a cheater (MP wether they are a man or woman) and will try to help a BW whenever I can. You wont find me taking out my crap with the OW out on any one of you. Trust me, I have enough to worry about with her.

 

I did get a comment once from a guest poster, she said "haahaa I'm from Wisconsin. Wouldnt it be funny if I were (Romeo's) OW?" I corrected her saying she should stick to being with MM because shes not a good comidian, but I didnt take it out on anybody there. I was outright offended, but who cares. You got to let things go.

 

[Mz. Pixie]

Mz Pixie I appreciate that you were concerned for me being a former OW, but I feel that you are judging me and lumping me into all BW's who have said hurtful things to you. I've seen it on all sides. I choose not to post there because I dont want to project my hurt feelings onto someone else, even by mistake, so I will only post specific to my situation. I may have a few harsh words of advice to a cheater (MP wether they are a man or woman) and will try to help a BW whenever I can. You wont find me taking out my crap with the OW out on any one of you. Trust me, I have enough to worry about with her.

 

 

I'm not trying to judge you or lump you in with them at all.

 

Their comments do not hurt my feelings. I rarely go to that forum at all because I think things there are WAY out in left field and I'm not supportive of affairs, at all.

 

I'm pointing out that it's easier for most BS to paint the other partner as "all good" and the om or ow as the bad one. Which is simply not always true.

 

Your OW is a nut, granted, but he does hold some responsibility for her actions- because he is the one who got involved with her in the first place. She's crossed the line into downright nutty and scary- but she probably feels like he led her on and lied to her.

 

In my opinion both the OW and the wife are the victims most of the time.

And I have little respect for the MM when he gets caught and he tries to paint himself as the victim, as if the OW took advantage of him. If he pursued OW then he ought to have the guts to step up and say he did.

 

Not talking about your husband, just in general.

[Romeo Must Die]

I know, it's all good then? I just wanted you to know I heard you all and I understand. I want you to know that I'm not like that. I wasnt trying to hurt anybody. My words got twisted and taken out of context. I certianly didnt mean to start anything. I did have a few smart words for guest but I make no apologies for that. You are absolutely correct about MM and the manipulation and what it does to women, for weak promises and lies. One of us is going to get caught at a dead end with Romeo, everybody (including myself) figured that would be me. The BW.

 

I may have forgiven Romeo and OW's affair had they simply fallen in love, but Romeo well he knew exactly how to hurt a woman, he knew all my weakness' and all my fears. He hurt me the only way a man could hurt a woman, through her heart and her kids. I had to learn how to cope with that and I find similarities in others stories IT IS SURREAL but with me and Romeo, it is different. Its more like family, years become lifetimes, and here we are starting over like kids again. Leaping into another lifetime. Yikes, better hang on!

 

[Chapter2]

My post was referring to Shineshop and to you. You did make generalized comments about all OW in your previous post when you said "I'd bet" and Shineshop followed up with "deal with it". That, in no way, means I don't support guest. I come here to heal and gain understanding, not to judge or be judged. I'm sorry if you misunderstood the intent of my response to your "bet" but I do get tired of being categorized as a one dimensional OW. I am so, so much more than that.

 

My post was made to one person and that was guest. Certianly, I am sorry if that I offended you, but it offends me too when you pick apart my statements and make it look however you want. I am not a hater. If anything, I was being sarcastic towards guest in my reply because I didn't think what she was doing to her husband was fair, yet she had the nerve to call me judgemental. I was shooting holes in that cheaters logic. Romeo hated to be judged for having an affair, he didnt want to be the bad guy yet he was using and exploiting two women for many years and one of them was me. I can read a MP real well.

 

Ch2 You may think that what I said was general, but The Other Man/Woman is a general forum for all "other women" lumped into one catagory of support and discussion for those involved in an affair. To be precise. Why wouldnt they support her, even if you wouldnt. Her trials and tribulations belong there. She is headlong into the affair and is talking divorce. She needs that special understanding from those who are in it or were in it.

 

Mz Pixie I appreciate that you were concerned for me being a former OW, but I feel that you are judging me and lumping me into all BW's who have said hurtful things to you. I've seen it on all sides. I choose not to post there because I dont want to project my hurt feelings onto someone else, even by mistake, so I will only post specific to my situation. I may have a few harsh words of advice to a cheater (MP wether they are a man or woman) and will try to help a BW whenever I can. You wont find me taking out my crap with the OW out on any one of you. Trust me, I have enough to worry about with her.

 

I did get a comment once from a guest poster, she said "haahaa I'm from Wisconsin. Wouldnt it be funny if I were (Romeo's) OW?" I corrected her saying she should stick to being with MM because shes not a good comidian, but I didnt take it out on anybody there. I was outright offended, but who cares. You got to let things go.

 

[Guest]

 

And though I have tried on several occasions to talk to him and tell him that I feel neglected, don't like the dishonesty, Internet porn, and feel he doesn't appreciate me or love me -- only to have him come back and say that nothing is wrong over and over . . . "I" am the bad guy. NOT him.

 

.

 

I see it this way, life is short and you only get one shot. You say you love your husband but he basicly treats you like crap with the dishonesty, neglect, and internet porn. You now have found a great guy who treats you right, and shows you respect. Why waste the rest of your life with a guy that doesn't seem to care, when you have found someone new who clearly does care. I say leave your husband and go with the new guy. Seems quite simple to me.

 

To often people stay in bad relationships because they are afraid of hurting someone. Hogwash, don't waste time that you will never get back, do what is right and best for you, it's your life.

[Daisy2007]

Guest. I am tough, but at least I will be straight with you.

 

I think you are seeking validation for yourself and your lover and I would bet good money that you could ask this same Q over in the OW forum and find the praise you are searching for. They will put you on a pedestal and tell you how great you are, much like the OM does. You see, you are just seeking attention all the time and that is what affairs are all about. It's because YOU feel so bad inside, you mirror the pain. You just don't see it.

 

Cheaters have some distorted sense of belief about their BS. They aren't loved or there is some other problem they seek to resolve with an affair, thus creating more problems. It's sort of like marriage suicide, you needed to escape but there were other ways out. The cheaters will re-write history thinking they never really loved their spouses, or that the marriage was always so bad. They never wanted marriage or children. It's a huge failure to communicate.

 

As an OW, I don't think she would get a standing ovation. Don't be rediculous and get off your pedestal. What she needs is someone who is married to help her make a positive adjustment. She knows that it was wrong. Affairs are not so black and white as you all are seeming and one by one almost everyone has jumped on her. She does love her husband and loves the other guy and they are both giving her what she needs adn vice versa.

 

So guest, my advice is for you to get to a point where you make a decision. It does boil down to communication but it's best for you to make a decision about what you want to do and then stick with it.

 

Talk to the OM and lay it out on the line with him. I would get a background check, research his past relationships, and find out who he really truly is. And don't think that someone your relationship will be better than his last relationships just because he told you that "you're the best!"

 

But either way, you should prepare...hang in there adn I know that you wish you hadn't gotten caught up but now you are so the best thing is to find out what this new guy is all about...