UGHdating Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 So I have been trying to muster up the courage to lay my cards on the table with the player as what everyone suggested I do, and I still haven't done it. I am such chicken Sh*t. We have hung out a few times last week. Went to Dinner one night. Watched a movie another night. Even rented one and watched it at his place. Then he had to leave out of town for the weekend. Before he left we hung out and as we were saying our goodbye I told him have alot of fun. And he said the weirdest thing to me - He goes - that's not nice. I go - HUH? what are you talking about, what did I say. Basically he goes on about how he wanted me to say how I was going to miss him and that he wanted me to "pine" (yeah he actully said that - who uses that word nowdays?) for him and that I should be telling him to be on good behavior. I laughed and go... uhh no, I really do mean for you to have fun, And no I am not that type to "pine" after a guy, come on now. He goes, whoa, you are a little sensitive about that. I was like uhh okay whatever. So that was it and it was left sorta awkward. IN any case over the weekend I textd him "I really do mean it when I say I hope you are having fun" He didn't text me back till the next day - which kinda erkd me that it took over 24 hours for him to respond. But he text me back "I had so much fun how was your weekend. I responded, text - Weekend was cool. And then that was it. I have seen him since - but at causually at work and nuthing else. So I am annoyed that he really hasn't said or called, or text anything to me since then. What's up with that? I was really thinking that the next time we kick it I would lay the cards out, but now i am seriously thinking i shouldn't and just forget the whole thing before he rejects my crazy ass. *sigh* Im tired with this, but i really like him. What to do?
Sand&Water Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 UGHdating, It is clear from your post, UGHdating, that he likes it when women tease him. Teasing, in one form, is a cup of fuel for a man's ego. He gets to enjoy the romantic aspects of a woman's classiness, and edge. This is, essentially, a player's playground. You didn't tease him enough -or rather not at all. On top of the lack-of-teasing, you displayed clingy behaviour. With almost every text, you were aggravated when he didn't validate any of your remarks. This is bad. Consider yourself, warned. It is very hard to tame a player. One has to be confident enough, to do accomplish the task on their own, and see results. You have to loosen up. You have to know when and where to apply playful pressure on a player. Thoughts to toss in your head. Sand&Water
MadDog Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Sorry but this dude sounds a little lame. He thinks that by playing games ("Aren't you going to tell me to behave?") that you're going to be falling all over the place for him. And because you aren't, he's doing other things like texting you a day later with "I had so much fun this weekend" to try to make you jealous. I smell a player faker, not a player. MD
Walk Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 hmm... I got the impression that he wanted some kind of sign that UghDating actually had more then "just friends" feelings. What I think is that he's frustrated with the game. That he wanted you to give some kind of sign that you do like him as more than a friend. I think he's probably really confused because you obviously do want to spend time with him and do things, but then you make comments that he's nothing to you. (Can't quite remember what you said that night you were drunk... but something that really made him believe you didn't want him.) I think his comments about wanting you to "pine" away, and tell him to behave was his way of asking you to show some emotion.. to show/tell him that you do care as more than a casual acquaintance. I don't really know what new thing you could do to make things go back to how they were.... what I really think you need to do is have an honest talk with him. I think you should ask him to meet you someplace for coffee or a drink, someplace quiet. Tell him flat out "I think we're having a hard time communicating and our wires are getting crossed. I really like you and not just as friends, but I don't feel it's appropriate for me to try to control or guilt you into acting a certain way. I wouldn't want it done to me, so I'm not going to do that to someone else. You seemed upset that I didn't do this and I wanted to clear the air as to why I didn't." Then he'll give some jazz about how he wasn't upset, blah, blah.. and he'll probably switch the topic. But he'll think about what you said. A.) that you do like him and it's out on the table. B.) that you aren't going to allow him to control/guilt you into doing something C.) that you aren't going to do the same to him. Then it's in his court. And I agree with MadDog... I don't think this guy is a player either. I think he's trying really hard to pretend he is. Are you two still fooling around? Or was that put on hold since the drunken comments were made? Or are you two having sex now? Might change my thinking on the matter if you two are having sex...
DanielMadr Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Sorry but this dude sounds a little lame. He thinks that by playing games ("Aren't you going to tell me to behave?") that you're going to be falling all over the place for him. And because you aren't, he's doing other things like texting you a day later with "I had so much fun this weekend" to try to make you jealous. I smell a player faker, not a player. MD Yep. I agree with MadDog. Player faker is better then Wuss but be prepared for surprises. To be honest....every "player" who is not very good looking is faker unless he is really experienced and fine personality, certainly not lame.
tanbark813 Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I agree with MadDog too. This guy isn't a player.
amaysngrace Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I think his comments about wanting you to "pine" away, and tell him to behave was his way of asking you to show some emotion.. to show/tell him that you do care as more than a casual acquaintance. I agree with Walk completely. You are being too elusive and he needs to know how much you're into him. Otherwise he'll think you can take him or leave him, and while this may be true, it's not what he wants to feel from you. You need to be more aggressive in letting your feelings be known to him. Guys need to feel needed too. And they appreciate a woman who is willing to fight to keep them, even if it's not in your nature to be this way. They see it as ballsy. They don't want a wussy girlfriend. They want someone to let them know they are willing to take hold of them and not let go. They equate that with strength somehow and he definitely wants you to be strong. So you should express how much you need him. Let him know how much he means to you. But be firm and assertive about it. Guys like that. I also think MadDog is right. Your guy's a poser, not a player.
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