Bf used my debit card without asking twice, forgivable?

[magichands]

Oh, jesus, why didn't you say right away? I think you are right!

Yes...it's amazing what people will do to fizz up their lives. But looking over your shoulder all the time can make for a stiff neck.

[cutegirl]

One more thing, my bf keeps insisting that I deserved him taking my money without asking, and that's the reason why we are still fighting. It's like we'll make up and he'll come over but he won't admit what he did was wrong. He says I deserved it because I bitch at him too much and he claims I don't treat him good enough and the giving my mom money thing.

 

He is extremely jealous of me giving my mom money but not giving him any, he takes it as a sign that I don't love him enough. He said I should stop giving my mom money so that way I'm spending less and won't complain as much so I can give it to him or whatever.

 

He came over and I tried to say it really gently in a very nice and even tone that I felt that I don't deserve it and that was enough for him to bolt out of here. He won't talk to me about it. He keeps saying " If you re-analyze what happened you will see that you are wrong." He won't even discuss it, he says that I'm wasting his time by bringing up this stuff and he just left. I ran and chased after him outside but I couldn't find him anymore.

 

I know I'm really pathetic but I feel like driving over there to his house and begging for forgiveness so he'll take me back even though I didn't do anything wrong. I'm really weak and I don't like living alone at all. I'm not close to my mom and don't even talk to her, I wire it to my aunt who gives it to her.

 

It's like I'm really weak and even though I find my boyfriend disrespects me repeatedly, he even spits in my face and he kicks and breaks my stuff when he's mad, I still can't leave. I really don't know why, but I know my self-esteem is really low and I have no self worth and that's why I probably put up with it.

 

I would totally forgive him if he can just admit that he shouldn't have taken my money without asking, but he won't even budge one bit. He really believes that I deserve it because I was bitching to him about stuff. I'm thinking even if I am bitchy, which I probably am, that doesn't really warrant him taking over 1k from me in 2 weeks without asking. He won't even discuss it. He really truly feels that I deserved it and I don't think anything I can say will change it mind. Even so I'm so retarded I feel like driving over there and begging him to come back to me because I don't want to lose him.

 

I know if I beg him for forgiveness I can't bring it up again or he'll walk out again, and I didn't even use a stern tone or anything, I tried to ask as nicely as I possibly could without raising my voice. I try to not bring it up but sometimes I just get irritated and feel so disrespected (in many other ways too) that I just can't help but feel bitter and spiteful inside, but I'm still weak so I put up with stuff that I know is not healthy for me.

[insomnie]

Your boyfriend is a complete waste of space and the longer you stay with him the harder it will be to finally break free and start living a normal, healthy life.

 

You KNOW this. You KNOW how insane your situation is and how EVERYONE deserves a million times better. He does not love you. That is obvious. You seem to have some severe codependency and self esteem issues and I think a bit of counseling wouldn't hurt.

 

It will be hard to break up with him but after a little bit of time you WILL realize how much better life is when you arne't being abused. And, you will be on the road to aqcuiring a little bit of self esteem (it's hard to feel good about yourself, I htink, when you're in a relaitonship with someone who abuses you (and theft and everything else he is doing IS abuse.))

 

If you hate living alone, find a roommate. I don't have that many friends and I lived alone for a couple of months this summer, and I will tell you, it drove me crazy. I was completley dependent on myboyfriend for entertainment and happiness and that made both of us miserable. Now I am living with a female friend and I feel 100% better. Just the companionship, the presence of another person nearby will make you feel less alone.

 

But please, PLEASE cut off all contact from this guy you're seeing.

[cutegirl]

Your boyfriend is a complete waste of space and the longer you stay with him the harder it will be to finally break free and start living a normal, healthy life.

 

You KNOW this. You KNOW how insane your situation is and how EVERYONE deserves a million times better. He does not love you. That is obvious. You seem to have some severe codependency and self esteem issues and I think a bit of counseling wouldn't hurt.

 

It will be hard to break up with him but after a little bit of time you WILL realize how much better life is when you arne't being abused. And, you will be on the road to aqcuiring a little bit of self esteem (it's hard to feel good about yourself, I htink, when you're in a relaitonship with someone who abuses you (and theft and everything else he is doing IS abuse.))

 

If you hate living alone, find a roommate. I don't have that many friends and I lived alone for a couple of months this summer, and I will tell you, it drove me crazy. I was completley dependent on myboyfriend for entertainment and happiness and that made both of us miserable. Now I am living with a female friend and I feel 100% better. Just the companionship, the presence of another person nearby will make you feel less alone.

 

But please, PLEASE cut off all contact from this guy you're seeing.

 

 

Thanks a lot for your advice, I have to ask one more thing though... The fight that we had before he took the money was my fault though, I admit I was being a major bitch and I was being kind of loud, and since we moved into a new neighborhood, it's not very good cause we don't want to make a bad name in a new place. So do you think that no matter how mean or loud or bitchy I was that he had no right to take my money?

 

Or is there really a point where if I overdo it he has a right to do that because "I deserved it."? Or do you think that no one deserves it no matter what?

 

Everything that I question him on he just says I deserve because of what I put him through. I am not always an angel either I admit, so perhaps there were times when I was extremely mean and possibly abusive myself.

 

And we were living together and partners, even though not married on paper, so I guess we should have consulted each other before making big financial decisions. For some reason I still felt like I didn't have to ask him for permission to send my mom money cause it was MY money. I just never felt like it was ours, but more mine, cause it really was all mine. He wasn't contributing much to the household so I just didn't feel like I had to ask him.

[insomnie]

Under no circumstances does one partner deserve to abuse another because he or she was "misbehaving". He did NOT deserve to steal $1,000 from you because you were being "bitchy".

 

I think you need to get through to yourself the fact that you do not owe him anything for staying with you. You don't need to pay him for being in a relationship with you, for putting up with the downside of your character - that's the entire point of relationships, to put up with each other's flaws, to learn to live with them. You don't "get" to mistreat someone because they are being a pain in the ass - the idea is that you communicate, compromise, etc. to reach a solution. Stealing your hard-earned money is not a compromise.

 

I think that your boyfriend's attitude about this whole incident would be an even bigger red flag for me than even the fact that he stole from you. The mentality that you "deserve" his mistreatment, that you brought it on yourself, just screams abuser. I mean, where do you draw the line? What will he say next, I deserved to have an affair because you weren't putting out enough? I deserved to punch you in the face because you were talking back to me?

 

And as far as your finances go...I don't know all the details of your arrangement, and I do understand that you're living togehter, but what is he bringing to the relationship as far as tangibles go, in "exchange" for your money, if he doesn't contribute to household expenses? Does he clean the house and cook for you, take care of your kids, etc.? It doens't sound like it...and you arne't married. He isnt' entitled to half of your money just by the fact of being your boyfriend - again, you don't ahve to feel like you "owe" him for "putting up" with you, or that you need to pay him back for the pleasure of his company. I think in your situation your money is completely your own (again, why WOULD be be entitled to any of it? Normally in one-income households the people are married AND there is a joint decision that one focus on making the money while the other focuses on some other aspect of the relaitonship, such as kids or house duties. Neither of those seems to be true for you - he is just freeloading and expects to be paid for his company). You can spend your money as you please. Certianly you can send it to your mother if you want. Him getting jealous of that again points to the fact that he a free-loader determined to abuse you for all your worth.

 

Sorry I am so harsh, but I really think you need to take a good look at your relaitonship and realize that you deserve much much better than this. Bump this abusive, free-loading loser. Then find a roommate, a hobby, and a therapist, and start your life anew. Believe me, wherever life leads you will be better than where you are now with this jerk.

[cutegirl]

Under no circumstances does one partner deserve to abuse another because he or she was "misbehaving". He did NOT deserve to steal $1,000 from you because you were being "bitchy".

 

I think you need to get through to yourself the fact that you do not owe him anything for staying with you. You don't need to pay him for being in a relationship with you, for putting up with the downside of your character - that's the entire point of relationships, to put up with each other's flaws, to learn to live with them. You don't "get" to mistreat someone because they are being a pain in the ass - the idea is that you communicate, compromise, etc. to reach a solution. Stealing your hard-earned money is not a compromise.

 

I think that your boyfriend's attitude about this whole incident would be an even bigger red flag for me than even the fact that he stole from you. The mentality that you "deserve" his mistreatment, that you brought it on yourself, just screams abuser. I mean, where do you draw the line? What will he say next, I deserved to have an affair because you weren't putting out enough? I deserved to punch you in the face because you were talking back to me?

 

And as far as your finances go...I don't know all the details of your arrangement, and I do understand that you're living togehter, but what is he bringing to the relationship as far as tangibles go, in "exchange" for your money, if he doesn't contribute to household expenses? Does he clean the house and cook for you, take care of your kids, etc.? It doens't sound like it...and you arne't married. He isnt' entitled to half of your money just by the fact of being your boyfriend - again, you don't ahve to feel like you "owe" him for "putting up" with you, or that you need to pay him back for the pleasure of his company. I think in your situation your money is completely your own (again, why WOULD be be entitled to any of it? Normally in one-income households the people are married AND there is a joint decision that one focus on making the money while the other focuses on some other aspect of the relaitonship, such as kids or house duties. Neither of those seems to be true for you - he is just freeloading and expects to be paid for his company). You can spend your money as you please. Certianly you can send it to your mother if you want. Him getting jealous of that again points to the fact that he a free-loader determined to abuse you for all your worth.

 

Sorry I am so harsh, but I really think you need to take a good look at your relaitonship and realize that you deserve much much better than this. Bump this abusive, free-loading loser. Then find a roommate, a hobby, and a therapist, and start your life anew. Believe me, wherever life leads you will be better than where you are now with this jerk.

 

 

Thanks... I know you're right but I'm just really needy and co-dependant I guess... as for our finances, he used to work before so it wasn't a one income household, but he stopped paying rent in February because he claimed he was mad that he found out about me giving money to my mom. Although he did work he spent all his money on eating out. He spends more than he makes so that's why he doesn't pay bills too I guess. Plus I make a lot more than him, so I guess that's also why he felt he doesn't have to pay as much. There was a time when he paid but it was on and off, not consistent.

 

He doesn't really do much in regards to household stuff and neither do I, we're both kind of lazy. I had to hire a cleaning service because I don't feel like paying all the bills PLUS cleaning. Of course I had to pay for that myself too even tho he lived with me, but he claimed it was mostly my mess, and I AM messy so I guess that was my problem. I don't have kids luckily. He takes the trash out and cooks once in awhile for us, and sometimes he buys groceries but I do as well so we take turns.

 

We've been fighting so much lately that he's been staying at his moms house. It's been going over a week and we're really dependent on each other, so he comes over and we make up but when I start telling him how I feel disrespected he just leaves and doesn't even want to talk with me or deal with me.

 

He asked me tonight if I want him to move his stuff back in so he can live with me again and I said he could if he admitted that taking my money was wrong, and he just would not admit it and kept saying I deserved it and then left.

 

I know he's a bit abusive but sometimes I get mad and can get abusive back. And the good thing about him is that he really believes in being monogamous and not cheating, so in a twisted way sometimes I feel like I have to pay for it to keep him.

 

It's right about what you said about me not having to "pay for his time", it's ironic cause he says the same thing, he says that I SHOULD pay him for his time, and that made me think, "WTF are you a male prostitute??" But then he says of course he's not because he has emotions for me, and he says I should pay because I "extract a lot of energy away from him". Those are his exact words, but the thing is that he extracts a lot of energy from me too, but I'm not getting paid...

[Art_Critic]

it's ironic cause he says the same thing, he says that I SHOULD pay him for his time, and that made me think, "WTF are you a male prostitute??"

 

Time to kick him to the curb.. Pay him for his time.. who the **** says that to their GF ??

If a girl said that to me once ( and wasn't kidding ) I would immediately break up with her and leave her wondering why..

[Walk]

The fight that we had before he took the money was my fault though, I admit I was being a major bitch and I was being kind of loud, and since we moved into a new neighborhood, it's not very good cause we don't want to make a bad name in a new place. So do you think that no matter how mean or loud or bitchy I was that he had no right to take my money?

 

He had NO RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! None. I don't care if you went out on the street and screamed that he was a gay, lying p.o.s. who liked to screw dogs. He had NO RIGHT to take your money. None. His only right was to leave. That is all he had a right to do. To leave. Nothing else.

 

And he thinks it's more important to make a good impression on strangers than to treat the person he supposedly loves with respect by not stealing. Strangers are more important than you! Complete strangers.

 

 

 

Or is there really a point where if I overdo it he has a right to do that because "I deserved it."? Or do you think that no one deserves it no matter what?

 

What I'm going to say applies to everyone... If a person goes overboard on nagging, bitching, arguing, whatever, then the only thing the other person is given a right to do is to leave. They can remove themselves from what they don't like. He's trying to justify stealing. Trying to shift the blame onto you.

 

He's trying to convince you that he stole your money as "punishment". Hell, we pay less of a fine for reckless driving that could kill people. Yet he thinks raising your voice should cost a grand?? Think about this rationally. What harm did you actually cause? Complete strangers that don't matter may have potentially heard some raised vioces....? Strangers are more important than you.

 

And, What does he owe you for breaking your stuff? What does he owe you for making you feel like crap? He's done far worse to you than potentially losing face with some strangers. Yet I don't see him forking over a grand as his "fine" for being an ass. He contributed to that argument. Whether you see it or not. If he hadn't been there, then no argument would have occured. If he hadn't gotten defensive and upset, then no argument would have occured. If he hadn't been treating you like crap, then no argument would have occured. He owes you... And a hell of a lot more than the grand he stole.

 

Everything that I question him on he just says I deserve because of what I put him through. I am not always an angel either I admit, so perhaps there were times when I was extremely mean and possibly abusive myself.

 

I've said some down right cruel things to my bf during fights, and he would NEVER think of taking my money. Ever. If I am too bitchy, too mean, etc.. then the ONLY thing I deserve is for him to leave. Nothing else. I don't deserve to have my things broken, or have my money stolen.

 

YOU aren't wrong. He is. He is wrong for stealing and he's trying to confuse it by trying to make you think you were the one at fault. You aren't. You aren't wrong. He is.

 

And we were living together and partners, even though not married on paper, so I guess we should have consulted each other before making big financial decisions. For some reason I still felt like I didn't have to ask him for permission to send my mom money cause it was MY money. I just never felt like it was ours, but more mine, cause it really was all mine. He wasn't contributing much to the household so I just didn't feel like I had to ask him.

 

You don't have to justify where you're money is going. Its your money. You two aren't married. The only reason marriage matters is because legally you're financially responsible toward the IRS and debt collectors. So you would be held accountable for his actions and him for yours. But you aren't married. You don't owe him anything. If you're paying the majority of bills, and he's not contributing substantially toward those, then if you wanted to dump all your money into a hole and burn it, that's your right. You don't owe him anything.

 

I live with my bf and he pays the majority of the bills. His money is his money. Mine is mine. We've been together for 3 years. His brother is always mooching and my bf is too nice to say no most times... but it's NOT my place to say what he does with his money. The bills are all paid, we have enough to eat, we have the basic necessities.. if my bf chooses to give his brother money, then that's his right. He earned the money. He can spend it however he see's fit.

 

The only reason I see your bf getting pissy with you giving your mom money is because your bf is a selfish ass who can't see anythign but himself. He wants, so therefore it's more important than anyone else. He's a five year old spoiled brat. An adult would understand that it was important to you to give to your mom. And they would support you in your decision. All your bf is doing is throwing a tantrum, kicking and screaming because he didn't get it ALL. THere's no room in his thinking for how you feel about it, because all he thinks about is himself. And he'll do anythign he can to make you believe that you are wrong for not giving him everything you have. He wants it. He feels he deserves it. He's done nothign to prove he deserves it, so he tries to make you feel bad so you'll give it to him. He has the mental IQ of a 5 year old brat.

 

Please get out of this ASAP! This guy is bad, bad news. This will get worse. Please get him out of your life. He's destroying your self-esteem, self confidence. I really think you'd find a lot of help by talking to a counselor for a while. Someone who could help you see the logic clearly, instead of this twisted thought pattern your bf's got you locked into.

[cutegirl]

Time to kick him to the curb.. Pay him for his time.. who the **** says that to their GF ??

If a girl said that to me once ( and wasn't kidding ) I would immediately break up with her and leave her wondering why..

 

I think he meant pay for his time when I can't make up my mind over certain things, like if I want him to move in or not. Or when we're arguing and things like that and I'm nagging... Not pay for his time literally I don't think.

[cutegirl]

He's trying to convince you that he stole your money as "punishment". Hell, we pay less of a fine for reckless driving that could kill people. Yet he thinks raising your voice should cost a grand?? Think about this rationally. What harm did you actually cause? Complete strangers that don't matter may have potentially heard some raised vioces....? Strangers are more important than you.

 

Walk, as for the thing about strangers, I think he the main reason why he was mad though is because he had to hear me, not the strangers, but I guess that was a factor as well.

 

Anothing thing, I'm not sure if I specified this but he's mad cause I never TOLD him that I gave my mom money, I was paying for months but didn't tell him and he found out so he feels betrayed like he can't trust me. I guess I didn't tell him cause I had a feeling he wouldn't like it. So he takes this as a major betrayal because I didn't tell him. Perhaps if I told him he wouldn't be mad. I really don't know.

 

Plus I told him that I don't get along with my mom and don't really like her, so he's thinking "She doesn't like her mom and pays for her mom, but is supposed to love me but DOESNT pay for me..."

 

So he thinks that it doesn't make sense that I would give money to her when I told him I don't like her too much, but supposedly I love him so why won't I give him money? I told him I didn't "like" my mom because me and my mom fought a lot when we were younger and our relationship is troubled.

 

I only pay for my mom because she is not capable of supporting herself but I assumed that since he's young and healthy he would be able to support himself. I don't want to feel like I owe it to him to support him in any way, I thought he would be self-sufficient.

[cutegirl]

Walk, also it's true that he can leave if he doesn't like what I'm saying (which is what a mentally healthy person would do.) But if he had left me I also would have been super devastated. Perhaps he feels like he's doing me a favor by staying because that way he's not leaving me, I just have to give something up in return.

 

I think I'm so pathetic that I would actually semi-believe that I would rather give something up (like money or self-respect) and pay than have him leave me completely alone but I would always be angry and bitter inside, and someday in the future that resentment would probably re-surface when I start bitching about stuff in general (cause in the back of my mind I would probably think of what he did to me in the past), but at least I would have someone to "play" with and keep me company so I wouldn't be lonely. I think I'm what's called as "passive-agressive." And I know I'm co-dependent on him for sure emotionally. I am super needy emotionally and I always need him by my side.

 

I don't know what's wrong with us but I know we're really dysfunctional.

 

I read that a lot of abused women can't get out of bad relationships cause their dependant financially on a man. I make way more than my bf and I still can't get out because I am soooo emtionally attached to him that I'm really weak. People are probably thinking why someone would stay if they can get out easily and enjoy life on their own, but I'm so dependant that I feel like I can't even enjoy anything on my own and that there's no point to it anyways because I'd be all alone.

[rina_r]

I am sorry for being harsh, but, Cutegirl, you are really stupid for still debating on whether to dump him or not after everything he has done! He STOLE - it is a CRIME!

[Art_Critic]

I think you make toooooo many excuses for his bad behavior..

 

You might want to dig into why such an obvious red flag(s) is not being seen by you as red flags..

 

We all make red flags dissappear in our own mind.. we try and see the good in people and not the bad.. but your self esteem is at risk here.. this is not a healthy relationship

[PussInHeels]

I know you want to be with him because you don't want to be alone, but you're better off by yourself than with someone who will steal from you! You know why? You can't trust him, that's why! What do you want a boyfriend you can't trust for? The one person you can always count on to steer you from harm is yourself, and you're throwing yourself into the fire!

 

I had a boyfriend that didn't have a job, car, etc. Yeah it was a pain in the butt, but I could at least respect him in that he never asked me for anything, I had to beg him to let me help him out. A man that would steal from me and not even ask for the money is cruisin' for a bruisin', and it's not gender-specific, women who do the same are no better. It just a straight up crime, I would probably even report it.

 

Look, you deserve so much better. He deserves nothing more than the door hitting him on the tush on the way out.

[Walk]

he's mad cause I never TOLD him that I gave my mom money.........

Plus I told him that I don't get along with my mom and don't really like her, so he's thinking "She doesn't like her mom and pays for her mom, but is supposed to love me but DOESNT pay for me..."

That's some screwy logic. I don't even know what to say to that. It makes no sense. You are paying him. What's he paying you?

 

So he thinks that it doesn't make sense that I would give money to her when I told him I don't like her too much, but supposedly I love him so why won't I give him money? I told him I didn't "like" my mom because me and my mom fought a lot when we were younger and our relationship is troubled.

Can you explain this further. Still doesn't make sense... How are you NOT paying him? Why is it wrong to send money to your mother? Even if you hate her, she's still blood. He's not. He's just a thief.

 

I only pay for my mom because she is not capable of supporting herself but I assumed that since he's young and healthy he would be able to support himself. I don't want to feel like I owe it to him to support him in any way, I thought he would be self-sufficient.

He's healthy and capable to work and support himself. So why are you buying into his lies?

[cutegirl]

That's some screwy logic. I don't even know what to say to that. It makes no sense. You are paying him. What's he paying you?

 

 

Can you explain this further. Still doesn't make sense... How are you NOT paying him? Why is it wrong to send money to your mother? Even if you hate her, she's still blood. He's not. He's just a thief.

 

 

He's healthy and capable to work and support himself. So why are you buying into his lies?

 

 

The thing about not paying him, he means that I give my mom money but I don't bitch at her because I don't get along with her much so we don't talk a lot, but when HE borrows or takes money he gets bitched and has to hear it from me A LOT. I have a lot of resentment so I'm always bitching and arguing about it and saying stuff like "I feel that what you did was disrespectful, can you admit that?" and "What you did was theft and I could report you to the police..." blah blah. These are just the nice examples. Sometimes I will get VERY angry myself and get EXTREMELY verbally abusive and talk a lot of smack back and call him worthless loser and call him names, etc... I am no angel either.

 

So what he meant is that he has to put up with the nagging and bitching, but I give my mom money and she doesn't hear anything!

 

Plus he's not getting as much as my mom. She's getting it each month, and he's not getting a steady amount regularly. That's what he probaly means. He's not asking for it regularly, that's just what he probably means.

[Art_Critic]

You seem to equate things ie: money that you give with love or you are looking for men that do.

 

They are not the same.. he is using you.. point blank..

 

As someone who has had material things and money most of my adult life I can tell you that love isn't what you give someone..

 

I fought this many years in my 20's.. Until I started dating women that didn't want things or money from me I didn't know that it was wrong..

 

It also took me reteaching myself that the women in my life that are the good ones are the ones that don't suck me dry and the ones that don't bring up money issues..

 

You need to find someone that enhances your life and not pulls you down.

[jerbear]

I like the spin he has on things.

 

Why should you tell him what you are doing with your own money?

 

A parent is a parent, regardless of not likely each other or not. It seems to me he is worried about his own rice bowl and feels competition for resources with your own mother.

 

Giving money to your mom is one thing, remember bf not husband; taking money without asking is another totally different issue.

 

A SO, GF, or BF or whatever should not interfere with family bond issues. A BF should not put the choice of choosing him versus your own family.

 

You giving money to your mom is really none of his business.

 

If he is like this now, wait till "junior" shows up while you goto work; he drinks beer while watching soaps and wonders where the steak dinner is at 530pm everyday.

[cutegirl]

 

If he is like this now, wait till "junior" shows up while you goto work; he drinks beer while watching soaps and wonders where the steak dinner is at 530pm everyday.

 

I work from home and I don't cook... I don't like to do housewife type things and he's fine with that. That's one thing I like about him. We usually eat takeout or he cooks, sometimes I do, but certainly it's not an expectation of me. I also don't plan on having children. (I'm 28 now and I don't feel the urge to have any at all whatsoever.

 

He's mad about the money thing because I didn't tell him. I guess he feels that partners should tell each other everything related to big money decisions and he feels betrayed because I didn't tell him for a long time.

[cutegirl]

You seem to equate things ie: money that you give with love or you are looking for men that do.

 

They are not the same.. he is using you.. point blank..

 

As someone who has had material things and money most of my adult life I can tell you that love isn't what you give someone..

 

I fought this many years in my 20's.. Until I started dating women that didn't want things or money from me I didn't know that it was wrong..

 

It also took me reteaching myself that the women in my life that are the good ones are the ones that don't suck me dry and the ones that don't bring up money issues..

 

You need to find someone that enhances your life and not pulls you down.

 

No, I really don't equate giving money with love AT ALL. My bf does. I always ask him what we would do if I was broke and made no money. He said he would just have to work harder then I guess.

 

He is the one who equates it with love, he is mad because I give it to my mom but not to him so in a twisted way he perceives that as a lack of love on my part.

 

He always says he would be with me if I was poor, but since I happen to have it and I always have a surplus in the bank, he feels since I already have it and I'm not struggling, why not help HIM if HE is struggling. He said he would do the same for me if he had money and I was broke.

 

Another thing about my bf is he is 26 but he's never been on his own, before he lived with me he lived at home. So he doesn't know what it's like to be completely independent and have to rely on yourself 100 percent to put a roof over your head. He always had someone to depend on and I think that's why he can't manage money because he always somehow ends up spending more than he makes and he always buys things that I feel he doesn't need.

 

That's also a reason I don't like to give him money because I feel he's wasteful. That's just a matter of my opinion though.

[Buttaflyy]

He's mad about the money thing because I didn't tell him. I guess he feels that partners should tell each other everything related to big money decisions and he feels betrayed because I didn't tell him for a long time.

 

Are you crazy? He didn't tell you he took YOUR money! You seem to be fine with this situation where you are giving all and recieving NOTHING. Sounds like he's got your head pretty screwed about how things should go in a relationship. Even your HUSBAND which he is NOT would need to consult with you about YOUR account!

 

You can do what you want with your money, give it to mom without any explanation. You can even give it all to him if you want to, but unless you give permission it is STOLEN!

[AMANDAXXXXXX]

Honey Listen The Same Thing Happened To Me And He Used My Debit Card And Then U Gotta Hide It Cause U Think He Is Going To Do It Again And They Dont' Have A Job Let Me Tell U Something He Is Prob Using It On Drugs Like Mine Was Cause He Sounds A Little Weird Thinking People Are Putting A Tracking Device On His Car And Stuff And U Know What Get Rid Of Him Same Thing Happened To Me Don't Let Him Waste Ur Money U Work For Find Someone Who Treats U Better I'm Telling U Its Such A Waste Of Time

[cutegirl]

Honey Listen The Same Thing Happened To Me And He Used My Debit Card And Then U Gotta Hide It Cause U Think He Is Going To Do It Again And They Dont' Have A Job Let Me Tell U Something He Is Prob Using It On Drugs Like Mine Was Cause He Sounds A Little Weird Thinking People Are Putting A Tracking Device On His Car And Stuff And U Know What Get Rid Of Him Same Thing Happened To Me Don't Let Him Waste Ur Money U Work For Find Someone Who Treats U Better I'm Telling U Its Such A Waste Of Time

 

Yea it's true about having to hide it, I'm going to have to change my pin code and all that. I'm positive mine is not on drugs, he is just has a chemical imbalance in the brain and needs to see a psychiatrist. He is a major hypochondriac and had a paranoid personality disorder. I really think it's mental probs that can only be helped with medication. It's something called a "prodome" or a period where he's having an episode and I think long term it can lead to schizophrenia. He went to the psychiatrist a few years ago but he never took the meds they prescribed him.

 

I've lived with him for over 2yrs and he's not into drugs at all. He's actually really strict about what he puts in his body. For example he does not eat chicken or beef or white bread or white rice. It only has to be seafood and then top of the line stuff such as wild caught salmon never farm raised... lol

 

He is so anal about what he puts in his body, I mean REALLY anal. He would never do drugs and if he did I would find it for sure because I work from home and I go through everything.

[cutegirl]

Are you crazy? He didn't tell you he took YOUR money! You seem to be fine with this situation where you are giving all and recieving NOTHING. Sounds like he's got your head pretty screwed about how things should go in a relationship. Even your HUSBAND which he is NOT would need to consult with you about YOUR account!

 

You can do what you want with your money, give it to mom without any explanation. You can even give it all to him if you want to, but unless you give permission it is STOLEN!

 

No he's doing it BACK because I gave my mom money first without telling him. So now he's taking money without telling me to do it back because he says I do it first.

 

I know what you're saying about it being my money, but I also read a lot of threads here where people say they always make big financial decisions TOGETHER, so I guess that's what he meant when he felt betrayed.

[Buttaflyy]

I also read a lot of threads here where people say they always make big financial decisions TOGETHER, so I guess that's what he meant when he felt betrayed.

 

 

Making financial decisions together...well please point out to me where you've read where if one of the partners in the relationship should extend any of their finances to their parent (or anywhere else for that matter) that the other partner then has cleaned out the bank acct and stolen money from their partner.

 

I live together with my SO. We make plenty of household decisions together. Financially included, but please believe that this is because we both include our money together for the sake of the household. If he'd ever for any reason used my debit or credit card without my permission, not only would I report him to the police and my bank, but his ass would be tossed so fast he'd make skid marks on the pavement!

 

Sorry, but your friend is using you. He's not only brainwashed you into believing that what's yours is also his, but he's also got you so hooked on him that you feel his actions are justified. He sounds like a pimp or a gigolo. He's definitely got the mentality down packed! There is no way in hell that this can be justified. You should not pay for anyone's time, and instead he should share financial responsibilities with you. He's not even coming up with his part of the household responsibilities.