What do you think of a girl using God as an Excuse?

[sporteguy03]

I was trying to date a girl recently and she is somewhat religious. Each time we were suppose to go out she used an excuse once was because of a wedding, another because of a trip and lastily because of another friend. I have asked for time off of work because she said she could go on that day and then she couldn't, the next time I told her you call me when you have the time to go putting the ball in her court. So she did yesterday and we set Friday as a date, then once again she backs out. This is how our conversation went:

Me:

Thank you for letting me know about Friday as being a

no go for you. I think this is the 3rd time you have

canceled out on me. Once was because of a wedding, now

because of your friend and once because of a trip. I have

requested time off on one of the days we were

orginally suppose to meet because you said you can go.

Friday Night though was sugguested by you as you took

the initiative to call me for it. I'm not sure how

your priorities are with your friends, but did you

even bother to tell your friend on Friday you were going out to the

movies with me? I am really dissapointed

by your actions. Not you but your actions. Whether it

was God's will or not, if the roles were reversed I

would free up my time to make it happen. Its a matter

of how much you value me as a friend, if you don't

thats fine, but don't tell me something and then bail

out and say it was God's Will. Sorry if that came off

mean, but I don't like being pushed aside and again

the ball is your court, but if your not really

interested why don't you take a seat on the bench and

throw in the towel and just forget it.

 

Her Response:

Well u have just proved my point on not making committments. That is exactly why I am not going to make commitments and I don't like to because God does change plans and my friend needs me more than you do. Guys never understand. I keep praying that the Lord brings me a guy that understands me I guess I better keep praying.

 

What is up with this girl? I thought I made a valid point to her whether I am a guy or girl as her friend, I don't think it mattered if a guy or girl told her this.

[whichwayisup]

If she were really (and I mean really!!) into you, she would be cancelling on her friend and her friend would understand and have no problem with it.

[MuNky]

Leave her alone, get away from her. You guys are already quireling without even being on one date? Nope it's a rocky start and the road will get only rockier. Oneday she will find her doormat, don't let it be you. Your conversation towards her shows that you are not the doormat type.

 

I don't believe God controls your decisions, it's called free-will, the Garden of Eden incident proves this.

 

She is obviously not into you (sorry if that hurts), and hides behind her religion to cop out. That is not only cowardly, but evil. I am sure its a sin because she is using God's name in vain: not swearing, but blaming Him for her wrongdoing. Isn't that also classified as bearing false witness?

 

If you come into contact again, you can use the above theological arguments to make her feel bad, because she is probably reassuring herself that "Its God's will" and thus she doesn't feel bad.

[Sand&Water]

Reply:

 

Sporteguy03, here is an eye opening experience for you.

 

Question: Why are [were] you attacking her?

 

Yes. You read that correctly. No one has the right to verbally attack anyone based on their views/opinions/beliefs. [Debate is another story]

 

She expected better from you. But, what she received was anger, hatred, frustration, and mockery towards her choices, actions and way of conduct.

 

You didn't prove to be the man.

 

Take it as a lesson. In the future, think before you speak.

 

Ending: Move on. Let her continue on her own.

 

Sand&Water

[MuNky]

Flipside: Maybe her friend did need her desperatly (personal/family crises etc.) and she gave her support. Think what type of friend she would be if she goes out on a date to enjoy herself, while her friend suffer. You both approached the situation wrong (IMHO), running in guns blazing.

 

You were frustrated, and you got angry. She replied with an attitude of "Who do he think he is?". Both wrong.

 

Cool down, give her a friendly (and sincere) call. Make a new date. Suggest two times: Friday night AND Saturday night (if your work allows), & make sure her schedule is empty - trips and weddings are known about in advance, friend 's crisesses are not. If she has a crises or other important engagement again then at least you guys have back-up. The fact that she didn't blow you off completely suggest genuine intrest (or desparation - you ask God for things that is difficult to get, in her case a good boyfriend).

 

And when you guys go on that date, pretend that nothing happened, or laugh off the quirrel you guys had. This could be the start of a beautiful thing and it should start on a clean slate.

[Sand&Water]

Reply:

 

Insinuative point, MuNky.

The fact that she didn't blow you off completely suggest genuine intrest.

True. However, he will have to jump & tackle bulls and cows to straighten out his image. It is not impossible. But he has a long way to go, on the road to recovery.

 

You have to be dashingly clever, and genuine.

 

Good Luck.

Sand&Water

[sporteguy03]

Reply:

 

Sporteguy03, here is an eye opening experience for you.

 

Question: Why are [were] you attacking her?

 

Yes. You read that correctly. No one has the right to verbally attack anyone based on their views/opinions/beliefs. [Debate is another story]

 

She expected better from you. But, what she received was anger, hatred, frustration, and mockery towards her choices, actions and way of conduct.

 

You didn't prove to be the man.

 

Take it as a lesson. In the future, think before you speak.

 

Ending: Move on. Let her continue on her own.

 

Sand&Water

 

Sand & Water,

I don't disagree with your view, however, I have gone out of my way on numerous attempts such as asking for time off, getting off work early so I can go out with her, where is her attempts to do likewise, her wedding came up a day in advance, her trip three days in advance her friend 5 days in advance, I don't like her use of God in her explanations, thats as bad as saying Mom told me no. You make and break your decisions, God is not going to explain your reasoning in this world at least not that I know of. I thought wisely before I told her this and I did say it may come off mean, but I had to say it, I'm not a doormat and her response was wishy washy, where was in her answer you know I have called out on you x amount of times you know I really need to make this up to you. I understand things come up because we all have that happen, but to sit back and say God did not want it to happen or I can't commitments is a poor answer, I can document times when my other friends have made a effort and can go out despite their hectic schedule, its all a matter how much you value your friend.

[Guest]

She sounds like a total flake. She's decided that anything that happens in her life is a message from God. She'd drive you nuts if you insisted on continuing with her. Drop her and move on.

[StayClose]

Sometimes circumstances come up and someone needs to cancel a date, but three strikes and you're out.

 

She's either incredibly self-centered, or she's not into you. Either way she's showing you an incredible amount of disrespect.

 

NEXT!

[gfto]

This girl never had a shred of interest in you. When she cancelled that first date, you should've simply thrown her number away and moved on. When a woman is interested in you, she doesn't cancel a date; instead, she shows up for the date. Amazing, isn't it?

[fishtaco]

She was in the wrong, then you were in the wrong.

 

Situations like this, let it go like gtfo said. She's not interested. Leaving her a scathing message accusing her of whatever won't solve anything.

 

BTW, these kind of situations will happen many times in the future. That's just how women are. Next time, just remember, if she really wanted to, you'd be happily enjoying your date together. If you're not, regardless of what she said, she's not interested. You may want to give her the benefit of the doubt once, or twice if you have faith in women-kind, after that it's pretty clear. Best thing to do is to just drop it.

[tanbark813]

I agree with those who said she isn't interested in you. But don't feel bad for calling her on her flakiness. A lot of people lack common courtesy. What she's really praying for is a doormat, not an understanding guy.

 

On a side note, while I've received my fair share of excuses from girls, I've never heard "It's God's will" before. This is just an example of someone abusing religion as an excuse to not take responsibility for their own actions.

 

"Why did you cheat on me?!?!"

 

"It was God's will."

 

[lovelorcet]

I think that it is God's will that you just walk aways...

 

 

Ask her to pray for you though...

[DanielMadr]

IT IS BLASPHEMY......STONE HER TO DEATH

 

Seriously....She is not interested....simple as that. Why? 9 cases of 10 it is due wussines on boy's part. 1 case of 10 it is because she is 'structured'....hasnt her shyte put together, thinks too much, waiting for prince on white horse or simply emotional wreck.

 

In this case I bet on you being wussy...non attractive...too needy, clingy, not in self-control, not confident, self assured etc... work on it

[Quinch]

This is why I never date girls who say they love God. Walk away and count yourself lucky. Try dating a sane girl next time.

[CactX]

It is because of those kind of poeple that Christianism as such a bad reputation...

[Sand&Water]

Reply:

 

Sporteguy03, Here is the way I see it . . .

 

I still stand by what I said in my previous post.

 

Let me clarify the points, and reasoning behind such confusion.

 

Lets start from the top -the simplest of all answers.

 

Question: Were you not friends with her from the start?

 

Since the situation started off from base one i.e. friendship, then that is the way it will take off.

 

In other words, she is treating you as a male friend. You are the one who is dealing with this from a romantic sideview.

 

You are not at the top of her priority list. She has other friends/persons/events that are consuming her schedule.

 

She believes that God has power in her life. When the right man enters her life, he will be able to put up with her needs, ideas, dislike, conflicts, and social agenda. She believes that God will give, the man of her dreams, the power, opportunity, and commitment to understand and sympathize with her.

 

At this moment, she only values you as an acquaintance [to put it lightly].

 

She thinks that a man with demons [i.e. aggression, non-commitment, non-sympathetic, non-understanding, and doesn't have the spirit of God within him] will not be compatible with her.

 

Last but not least, it is your choice.

 

You can stick around, for a while, as a friend -until she gives you enough attention and you prove yourself worthy enough to be a good Christian man.

 

Otherwise, abandon her from your life.

 

Woman's Point of View.

Sand&Water

[fairie87]

ok. first of all, i can honestly say that not all Christian girls are like that.

 

I've been a Christian for as long as i can remember, and yes, i believe God leads us down a certain path, that we may stray from. I have strayed, i admit it! but this girl sounds like she is confused about what God wants.

 

anyway, i didn't post this reply to preach, i'm posting this to say, GET AWAY. She may be a fanatic-- that's someone who takes religon to the extreme, making it the opposite of what it is supposed to be.

 

I don't blame her for wanting to help out a friend, but she needs to provide more valid explanations. just. . .just get away from her. Dating is already stressful enough without the added stress of someone not wanting to be around you (which it sounds like from her actions).

[mental_traveller]

I can't believe you wrote that email to her. This girl is a total flake, and in an incredibly deceitful, manipulative, and blasphemous fashion she tries to use religion as an excuse. Do you think Jesus would flake out on someone 3 times in a row, then make up some BS excuse based on religion? Tell this bitch to take a hike, and stop grovelling so much next time, just call a spade a spade.

[mental_traveller]

Reply:

No one has the right to verbally attack anyone based on their views/opinions/beliefs. [Debate is another story]

 

So no one has the right to verbally attack Hitler based on his beliefs? Utter crock. Oh sorry, I guess he gassed 5 million Jews because it was God's will. We should respect his point of view and not hurt his feelings.

[pricillia]

I think that her response was kind of funny...I find humor it her reply.

 

does anyone else see it... this is something you would hear on a citcom...

[pricillia]

and I think that Sand & Water is pretty on...