123456 Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 how do u deal with that? Ive tried so hard to move on...and i had some sense of progress. I did everything there is to do. I was under total NC and did everything to avoid hearing about her. Ive tried new activities, became more outgoing, etc. Ive read many threads in loveshack regarding coping and followed it. But a mutual friend talked to me today. I told her straight up that i never want to talk about my ex again. But she didnt listen, and she blurted out that my ex has a new bf. I feel like im back to where i started. Im so depressed about it, and it feels like all that effort to move on has gone to waste. I told the mutual friend that i dont want to talk to her anymore, since she deliberately did something that she knew would hurt me. I know its inevitable that something like this would happen again. I know that one day, im gonna bump into my ex or something and ruin all the progress i made to move on. So please give me some advice. How do i move on if so many uncontrollable factors prevent me from doing so?
D-Lish Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 That's pretty crappy to blurt something like that out, knowing it would hurt you. How do you get past this? You've started out correctly with doing the NC and then followed through with the severing of ties with the mutual friend. WTF is that all about? Remove yourself from all possible situations that have anything to do with the ex. You won't go right back to square one over this.... you will bounce back, it's just a little set back. Keep yourself busy. Immerse yourself in something you love doing that won't remind you of your ex. Start something new, do something you've never tried before but always wanted to do. Small accomplishments rebuild our esteem and self worth. You'll get over her~ and be thankful your nasty babbling mutual acquaintance is out of the picture. D
Ssheena Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 You are doing GREAT! This is just a little slip back, go ahead and admit you are feeling depressed and this is bringing up all the feelings you had at the end of it and realize it's OK. Getting over someone isn't an overnight thing. Look ahead and not back. Sending you strength and good vibes!
Author 123456 Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 wow thanks everybody...i feel like its been awhile since someone told me that im actually taking a step in the right direction. I just hope that these painful events dont keep reoccuring tho...i just wish, by the next time i have any interaction involving my ex, ill already be over her. Wishful thinking?
shawn_68 Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 I know its inevitable that something like this would happen again. I know that one day, im gonna bump into my ex or something and ruin all the progress i made to move on. You've already received great advice, so I won't try to add. But I will tell you this. Seeing the ex with someone else can be VERY difficult to take. You may FEEL like you're back to square one, but you're not. You'll find that you will recover much easier. And as you keep doing the things that you're doing, sooner or later, you will not be affected by it any longer. You'll see what I mean. Keep on the path. Freedom is just around the corner.
D-Lish Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 It gets easier. The less you hear, the more you stay away, the less you see them... it eventually gets better. It was just disrespectful of your mutual friend to blurt that out when you specifically asked them not to. I'd be pissed. Dating someone else also helps immenseley.... :-) D
Author 123456 Posted November 3, 2006 Author Posted November 3, 2006 It gets easier. It was just disrespectful of your mutual friend to blurt that out when you specifically asked them not to. I'd be pissed. Yea, i took it as a huge act of disrespect which was the reason why i chose not to be friends with her anymore. AND YES...I was pissed. But i calmed down thanks to loveshack. Thanks again to everyone...especially D-Lish - ur quick and very helpful reply gave me alittle relief that theres still hope for me yet. I can at least say that i know i made the right decision by ending the friendship with my mutual (ex)friend. Hopefully moving on from my ex will work out as well.
D-Lish Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 It'll work out, it doesn't happen overnight. I've been without the ex for over 2 months and I still have my moments of pain and disbelief.... But I rarely cry anymore. AND, I'm dating a bit here and there. Surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself- that always helps. You're going to be okay. You really are handling things well. Not overnight, but gradually, and eventually- those painful feelings go away. Break ups suck eh? D
Guest Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 It gets easier each time - I went from having to have others step in because he wouldn't leave me alone when I went NC - to I couldn't be around him at all or bear to see him - to now I can be in same room as him and his relatively new live-in gf and have no issues with it at all. I don't LIKE him as a person - and I pretty much feel sorry for her cuz he hasn't changed - but I no longer hurt when I see him. how do u deal with that? Ive tried so hard to move on...and i had some sense of progress. I did everything there is to do. I was under total NC and did everything to avoid hearing about her. Ive tried new activities, became more outgoing, etc. Ive read many threads in loveshack regarding coping and followed it. But a mutual friend talked to me today. I told her straight up that i never want to talk about my ex again. But she didnt listen, and she blurted out that my ex has a new bf. I feel like im back to where i started. Im so depressed about it, and it feels like all that effort to move on has gone to waste. I told the mutual friend that i dont want to talk to her anymore, since she deliberately did something that she knew would hurt me. I know its inevitable that something like this would happen again. I know that one day, im gonna bump into my ex or something and ruin all the progress i made to move on. So please give me some advice. How do i move on if so many uncontrollable factors prevent me from doing so?
AriaIncognito Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I assume that each time you end up seeing an ex it will get easier and easier as you get on with life and move forward. In a years time I've gotten myself to the point where I can see my ex (ex from end of 2005) around other people and not be bothered by it, because I know he and I are not meant for eachother. I hope to get to that point in my current breakup, but admittedly it seems like it's light years away because of the feelings I had this time around that didn't exist in the previous relationship. You might feel bad for a little while, but you'll find each time it'll get easier to deal with. Feel free to lean on people here, in the meantime. :-)
Guest Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 i would rather see my ex happy with someone else, then, looking at me with fire in their eyes. doesn't everyone wish the best for all? lol i know the answer. hey, when my i first heard my ex wife was with someone big time i was happy for her and curious as to see how the cat looked...because its always the opposite of who u are....why would they date the same thing? as long as they are happy i am too smooooooooooochies to all
bella_girl Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Hey I went through the same thing about a month ago... it did suck a lot at the time but I'm feeling better now. I was kind of upset with the friend that told me but then also it was good to know. I now know that his feelings have changed (especially as 3 months ago he wanted to get back together) and he's moving on. Therefore I have to too. It forced me to look at the situation again and get out of denial. So what did I do to get through it... there was the strongest desire to contact him, re-establish contact but then I knew eventually he'd say 'err I have a new gf' and I'd feel hurt all over again. So I got in contact with good friends - there was a big flurry of emails and phone calls for a couple weeks while I got through it i called them rather than him. Also I spoke to other friends who said pointed things like 'why would you really want to be back with him, you're so much better and deserve better etc etc' That helped! So about a month on.. various friends try to set me up with people but I'm not interested. I quite like being by myself, no one else's schedule to check, no having to stay at their place take an overnight bag, worry about where things are progressing, how they have annoying habits, that they never remember my birthday etc etc etc... look at the positives.
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