NoIDidn't Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 For those that asked and are interested, in a nutshell. I am the result of two affairs. Both of my parents were conceived by women that were dating MM. Both grandmothers were/are two very different women and OW. One waited for ten years, and lost her mind. One never waited but enjoyed the no demand R she had with MM while it lasted. Both were known to the Ws. I am the daughter of a philanderer. He has been married several times. Since his most recent and longest M , I have met countless OW. Most of the time I never saw them more than once. If you want to learn the mind and heart of a cheating man, you would want to pick his. Fast forward to the present.... About 10 months ago I discovered my H was having a R with a girl on his job. It hadn't gotten far as she was new there. We are reconciling nicely, but there are still issues. I know it sounds so cliche, but we are in fact better than before his EA. It took BOTH of us seeing what we were neglecting, and the EA was a wake up call. I came here to find out the mind of someone that dates another's H. I have dated several guys in the past that had girlfriends, mostly unknowingly, but a couple of times fully aware of it. But I always drew the line at Engagement and M. I am not proud of what I did, but I can't change it either. I was young and naive, still am in many ways. I have to say that I still don't understand satisfactorily, so I read and post here. I am a very straight shooter and can come off harsh, but really I do not aim to insult or attack. I really have been there and done that, and I fell for ALL the lines I was fed too. I am coming to realize, though, that I can not rescue another from pain they must experience for themselves. I do not agree with the role of the OW (Note: role NOT person). I know for myself that I would never choose it intentionally (note the "intentionally"). I will never justify an affair, even though I am a second generation product of two. But I do understand how it happens and the LONG-RANGE consequences. And there are many (that I can't name here for lack of space). I wish you all peace on your journeys. Honestly.
yousaveme Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 I wish you the best and hope everything workouts for you.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 NoIDidn't, just a quick note to say thanks for taking the time to post this. You have lived just about every side of the fence. I'm glad you and your husband were able to stop and work on things and get even better in the process. (I'm sure I could have come up with a more eloquent response, but I'm all jacked up on cold medicines and can barely coordinate a thought in my head!)
BUTAFLY Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 I would love to take this to my classroom and have my proff. analyze the hell out of your post ....but I won't. Thank you for sharing, that was very interesting.
Author NoIDidn't Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 I would love to take this to my classroom and have my proff. analyze the hell out of your post ....but I won't. Thank you for sharing, that was very interesting. Its a lot in there. Believe me I know. Go ahead and tell your professor, I am curious as to what his/her analysis would be.
PoshPrincess Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 I do not agree with the role of the OW (Note: role NOT person). I know for myself that I would never choose it intentionally (note the "intentionally"). I will never justify an affair, even though I am a second generation product of two. But I do understand how it happens and the LONG-RANGE consequences. And there are many (that I can't name here for lack of space). NoIDidn't, good on you for your honesty. I am an ex-OW and wish I could explain why I did what I did but I can't. I was not lead on. I knew that my MM was exactly that but had a R with him anyway. I believed all he said about leaving his W and being with me and I really think he believed he meant it at the time. However, it was not to be. I was not prepared to wait around indefinitely and he never asked me to just as I never asked him to leave his W (although that was what I wanted). I can now state 100% that I would NEVER get involved with another woman's man again. I am certainly not proud of myself and can't justify what I did but I have to say I still love him and would be with him tomorrow if he left. I just know I can't be his OW anymore. I am so glad for you that you are working through your issues with your WS and wish you all the best.
Author NoIDidn't Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 Thanks everyone for the well wishes. We, like everyone else, are a work in progress. I just felt it was time to tell some of who I am and why I say the things that I say. It has been very therapeutic, to say the least. I have felt the misplaced anger, done my share of emotional projection, and finally am coming to a place of acceptance. Acceptance of the roles I have played, and the roles of others. I can't change my past, but my future looks BANGING!! LOL!!! Thanks again.
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