Dumbo Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Background: I'm 27 and have been married for six years. And I've just been offered the chance for some no-strings nookie with an older, married woman to whom I am very attracted. The potential OW used to work at the same company as me. When she left, she told me she'd like to meet up for a f*** session (my words, not hers ;-)) before starting her new job. And I'm tempted, tbh. This would definately be just a one-shot deal, after which we would never see or speak to each other ever again. I am as certain as a person can be that my W would never find out, and I think I could live with any guilt (I've never cheated before, so I don't know for certain how bad this would be!). Just looking for thoughts. I know this would be a betrayal of my W, even if she never found out, and I am leaning toward turning the offer down - although my groin is howling its disapproval even as I type that... Anyone been in a similar situation or have any insight? I really enjoy reading these boards and would value your opinions!
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Being tempted is one thing, but to actually really consider this offer is just plain stupid. Let me ask you this, is a hot **** with someone else worth losing your marriage and wife? Oh and you think it will be a one time thing? Yeah, right... Go read some threads in the OW/OM section. Then go read some other threads in this section (infidelity) and read how painful it is for betrayed spouses to cope after finding out their partner cheated on them. Affair, one night stand..Whatever...The pain involved, and the loss of love, trust and faith in a cheating spouse rarely is the same... Would you be able to live a lie? To look your wife in the eyes and tell her you love her? And actually mean it? Also, what if the OW came after you and wanted more after one night? What if she tells your wife? Or someone else finds out...Never say never... If I were you, I'd just leave it as a nice fantasy and stay away from the married woman. If she wants to **** other men outside her marriage that's her choice, but please, really think about what you could lose if you decide (and it is your decision) to go through with this.
Chapter2 Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Are you kidding man!! Why would you do this to your marriage? People are offered chances every single day....today you have also been offered the chance and the privilage to be an honest, responsible husband with strong moral fiber. Hop on over to the OM/OW forum to see just how jacked up people's lives can get. I know...I'm a former OW who deals with the wreckage every single day. Believe me, irregardless of the possible guilt, it is never as simple as you've stated it..."no strings, one shot deal, never see or speak to each other again, wife would never find out"... do not kid yourself...it NEVER EVER goes this smoothly and someone (usually everyone) ALWAYS gets caught in the crossfire. If you have a brain in your head you'll run from this woman and then go hit yourself in the head for even considering it. Have a good evening. Background: I'm 27 and have been married for six years. And I've just been offered the chance for some no-strings nookie with an older, married woman to whom I am very attracted. The potential OW used to work at the same company as me. When she left, she told me she'd like to meet up for a f*** session (my words, not hers ;-)) before starting her new job. And I'm tempted, tbh. This would definately be just a one-shot deal, after which we would never see or speak to each other ever again. I am as certain as a person can be that my W would never find out, and I think I could live with any guilt (I've never cheated before, so I don't know for certain how bad this would be!). Just looking for thoughts. I know this would be a betrayal of my W, even if she never found out, and I am leaning toward turning the offer down - although my groin is howling its disapproval even as I type that... Anyone been in a similar situation or have any insight? I really enjoy reading these boards and would value your opinions!
Chapter2 Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 The OW or OM also feels pain as well and some are even lied to. There are even some WS's who end up shredded. There is plenty of hurt for all involved WWIU. No one is exempt. Being tempted is one thing, but to actually really consider this offer is just plain stupid. Let me ask you this, is a hot **** with someone else worth losing your marriage and wife? Oh and you think it will be a one time thing? Yeah, right... Go read some threads in the OW/OM section. Then go read some other threads in this section (infidelity) and read how painful it is for betrayed spouses to cope after finding out their partner cheated on them. Affair, one night stand..Whatever...The pain involved, and the loss of love, trust and faith in a cheating spouse rarely is the same... Would you be able to live a lie? To look your wife in the eyes and tell her you love her? And actually mean it? Also, what if the OW came after you and wanted more after one night? What if she tells your wife? Or someone else finds out...Never say never... If I were you, I'd just leave it as a nice fantasy and stay away from the married woman. If she wants to **** other men outside her marriage that's her choice, but please, really think about what you could lose if you decide (and it is your decision) to go through with this.
jmargel Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 and I think I could live with any guilt (I've never cheated before, so I don't know for certain how bad this would be!). Some things are best left as a fantasy, it will never live upto what you expect. And the guilt will eat you up, if it doesnt then you really don't love your wife. The things you are thinking now is what I thought of when I was single and had my one night stands. In the end it just left a very hollow feeling inside. Trust me, you do not want to go down this path. There is one thing getting your ego stroked it's another when someone else is stroking something else of yours. If you are lacking this much affection/attention in your marriage I think it's time to start looking at these problems and start communicating with her. You do what you want, but I can tell you now there are some roads better off not traveled. Besides honestly don't you think this woman says all those things to a lot more men out there than just you? And what can more of an ego-stroke than a woman (your wife) choosing *you* out of all the billions of people out there to be married to?
Bryanp Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 I agree with the other posters but here is something else for you to consider. There is no guarantee down the line that this OW may not get mad or drunk with her husband and tell him out of anger that you screwed her. What do you think he will do? He will more than likely contact your wife and confront you and your boss. In addition, if she said this to you then you know she is a player and could give you all sorts of potential STD's. Bottom line is don't be a fool. You stand to lose a great deal for a very very short term pleasure.
Dumbo Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Thanks, folks. Appreciate the help, even if some of it was harsh! (but hey - I needed a slap around the face, huh?) Actually, before I posted, I had already told this OW that I wasn't prepared to go through with it. But after doing so, I got that annoying, nagging "I wonder what it would be like?" feeling, so I came on here seeking reinforcement. Regardless of what my genitals were telling me, I didn't want to give in to temptation and do something completely stupid!!! Thanks again.
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Glad to see you are thinking with the right head! How did she react when you told her? Was she mad or understanding? Will she push it and keep asking? Just wondering... Also, it probably would be a good idea not to keep intouch with her again, seeing as you're very attracted to her, ANY alone time spent with her is just going to tempt you (both). Don't put yourself in a situation where you won't be able to say no.
Flyin in Clouds Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 ... I know this would be a betrayal of my W, even if she never found out, and I am leaning toward turning the offer down - although my groin is howling its disapproval even as I type that... Anyone been in a similar situation or have any insight? I really enjoy reading these boards and would value your opinions! No, Dumbo, this would be a betrayal of yourself. Or don't you have any honor and self esteem? Is your word worth nothing? And yes, I've had similar offers and damn it's hard to turn down. But if you have any self respect you will. It is more about the kind of person you want to be than betraying your wife.
Dumbo Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 How did she react when you told her? Was she mad or understanding? Will she push it and keep asking? Just wondering... She was disappointed but accepting. She has even more to lose than I do - two kids, huge house, rich husband, prominent place in her local religious community (yes, really!). So I don't think she'll push it. If she'd wanted to, she would have called me today, as she knows I'm home alone for a few days (W is out of town on business). Also, it probably would be a good idea not to keep intouch with her again, seeing as you're very attracted to her, ANY alone time spent with her is just going to tempt you (both). Don't put yourself in a situation where you won't be able to say no. Agreed. I don't think I'll have any contact with her again, because (and this is the weird thing) we weren't especially close at work. We talked from time to time, but everything was above board and normal - there were absolutely no "emotional" or flirty conversations of the kind that I would not have wanted my wife to hear. That's why her proposal caught me completely off guard. Strange stuff!
quankanne Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 I've had similar offers and damn it's hard to turn down. But if you have any self respect you will. It is more about the kind of person you want to be than betraying your wife. in the end, I think this is precisely what it boils down to: what kind of person am I and what kind of person do I want to be? Even though an affair will hurt your wife immensely, it's an even bigger blow to your self-image when you realize what it says about you that you would lower your standards, if you will, to do something you normally wouldn't think twice about. being wanted is incredibly nice, but being able to sleep at night knowing that you're a decent fellow is even better. No matter how well that one-night-stand comes packaged!
Flyin in Clouds Posted November 3, 2006 Posted November 3, 2006 Every time a woman has made me an offer I've told my wife about it. That is part of being honest with her. She's never told me about any men hitting on her though and I'm sure some have.
Kelios Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I'm happy to read that you turned the woman down. Everyone here who stated that more always comes from "no strings" were right. A younger woman, that my husband worked with made offers (your offer was tame compared to what this one would say) for months. Several months. Like a moron (his word) he took her up on it. First off, the pain and destruction this caused us is umimaginable. Second, (his words) he was on some level disappointed, the sex wasn't anything like or nearly as good as what kept being offered. (his words) All talk, nothing backing it up. After this one time encounter this young woman wanted more, flowers, dates, come see me again, open relationship and so forth. When he would tell her that they had no relationship she would say that they could work on it, same reply when he would remind her he had a wife. He quit his job, confessed went total NO CONTACT. This young woman to this day ( many months after NC) still believes that my husband was the love of her life (as most 23 yr olds screwing around with a mm a decade + older than her would feel). Bottom line. Nothing is that quick and easy. Nothing is just cut and dried. EVERYONE gets hurt. Hurt you can't believe. To this day, my husband refers to himself as a piece of **** that doesn't deserve his family. He often has stated that he should be whipped in public for what he has done. The damage that a simple easy **** can cause everyone involved in SO NOT WORTH IT!!
Recommended Posts