some_guy Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Hi people, I would really like to hear some advice on my situation because I just don't know what to do. I've been married for 5 years, but unfortunately have been cheating with a work colleague on and off for more than 2 years. In particular now we are very close (my colleague), and I feel that I would be ready to leave my wife for her but ironically she doesn't seem willing to break her family for me (she has a 10 year old daughter), although if I was single I think she would. She knows my wife, who hates her because we pretty much got caught once but my wife didn't know exactly what was going on, and my wife works at the same company as we do. At the moment I feel that because of what I've done, my wife doesn't deserve to be with me anyway and deserves a lot better, I feel like crap because I know it is the worst thing to do to your wife, but on the other hand I am just so happy when I am with the OW. My wife is a fabulous person and I love her a lot, so I don't want to hurt her in any way. In fact I'm sure that if we separated from her then I would realise I made a huge mistake. I want to tell her, but how? I want her to see the positive side of leaving me, but not for her to hate me. I want her to leave me, not the other way around, but I want to stay friends with her because she is the best friend I ever had, even if our marriage is not perfect. I wish I could describe things better, but it would take way too much space. This situation is so stressful and I can't see a way out. I'm too selfish or too much in love with my colleague to stop seeing her, but don't have the courage to tell my wife. In addition I feel guilty because my wife is now 35 and is kind of interested in kids, so I feel that I am her last chance because she will be too old by the time she finds another guy, and I don't want to have wasted her opportunity. Also we are in another country, so she may have to leave the country even if we were to separate. If I knew she would be happy if we were to separate, then I think I would do it. Things could break at any moment. My wife didn't speak to me for the past 3 days because she saw me having a cup of tea with the OW at work, and she has let it be known in the past that she hates this (but what's the harm in a cup of tea right?). I am swimming with OW almost every day now (at a public pool), and if my wife finds out about this she will go ballistic I think. She was very bad the past few days, I can't imagine what she will do if I was to admit what I have actually been doing with OW. I know I have to make a choice and stick with it, but don't know how.. My advice to others is never to let yourself get in this situation. We all have a choice of whether to start or not, and I was conscious of this decision at the very beginning but maybe didn't realise how bad it could get, and now the only solutions involve pain for someone.
Ladywithafan Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 ...your wife probably knows. Just leave.
Romeo Must Die Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 LOL, some-guy, you are a fool, a complete and total fool. "Whats the harm in a cup of tea?" Just guessing here. Maybe it's because youre cheating and lying and messing with her life so you can persue your own selfish interests with a co-worker for the last two years?
Author some_guy Posted November 2, 2006 Author Posted November 2, 2006 You guys are right of course, but I don't expect any sympathy for myself and I accept that I've done very badly. What I want though is to protect my wife from this somehow, is that possible or does it have to be done the hard way (for her?). I could probably stop the cheating right now and devote myself to her and things would work out, because she trusts me enough to believe me if I was to do that although the trust is weakening now I think she is more suspicious now than before and will find out that I've been spending time with the OW, even if it is only at the public pool. I don't think I can break free from the OW though because I feel too much for her now. A lot of people will hate me for eading about this, and that's OK. I don't want you to help me, but to help my wife who I know doesn't deserve this, and truly she doesn't believe that I would ever do this to her because I'm not a womanizer or pervert etc., just a normal and pretty shy guy.
Guest Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 If you think your wife's going to want to stay friends with you after you choose OW over her, you are not being realistic at all. If anything, she'll likely hate you and want nothing to do with you. You say you don't want to hurt her? Too late. You already have, she's just not aware of the gaping wound that's in her back where you plunged the knife in yet. Affairs are not like real relationships and things often sour once the affair ends and a more serious, reality based, stable, boring, normal relationship (like you have with you wife) between the two affair partners takes it's place. Are you in love with the OW or the way the affair makes you feel? Some people are just in love with the giddy butterfly in the stomach sensation that comes with the infatuation phase of a relationship. Affairs tend to draw these feelings out for a lot longer than an average new relationship and can even possess an addictive quality. Perhaps you need to get some type of professional help to sort out your feelings before you make a mistake you regret for the rest of your life.
JamesM Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 You have a couple of choices.... You can continue on without doing anything. But this is not probably going to work, because you carry too much guilt. You can be honest and tell the truth. Tell your wife everything, and tell her that it isn't what you want with life...you want her. You HAVE to choose. We cannot do it for you.
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Better her hearing it from you than someone else. I mean the OW COULD very well tell her...Never say never. Also, people gossip, so if you're out in pubic, at the pool etc, then anyone could know. Be as honest with her as you can and make sure she knows NONE of this is her doing.
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