Author Sharp Stick Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 A little update on my situation…..we are 3 months into the process now and things were moving along well, then the holidays. It was uncomfortable being around friends and family with all this going on. I have been trying to move on and forgive; I put on a happy face and suppressed the questions and comments. I was going crazy. Then read in Surviving an Affair that moving on is something you can’t force. As painful as a daily/weekly confrontation/discussion that invariably leads to my wife feeling like a worthless human being, my questions and comments force her to see this through my eyes. It is a necessary element for me to get comfortable with moving forward. It’s her responsibility to be strong and if she is not capable then she is not worth the effort. I have asked difficult questions and she has been, sometimes painfully, honest. It has helped tremendously. I do feel that I am getting comfortable with the validity of her story. I don’t check her emails and phone records nearly as often. I sleep better; previously I was having terrible dreams of them together nightly, now they are few and far between. I still haven’t had contact with his wife. I really have a desire to speak with her, not because I want revenge, but I would like to get the account of the affair from his perspective. He really wouldn’t get into details when I contacted him, and if he had to answer to his wife I am sure I could verify my wife’s story through her. If I could get the assurance that my wife is being completely honest, I know I could move forward and forgive. I may get there without ruining their marriage, but it will take longer. I also have a thought that my wife is getting away with something. I have a desire to punish her in some way. I have focused that into wanting her to apologize to his wife. I want her to face the consequences of her behavior. Still not sure on how to handle the OM wife issue, it almost feels like if I go through with contacting her it will suck the life out of my wife. I want her to know I am angry and hurt, I don’t want her to feel like I hate her and we can’t work this out. A person can take just so much and I don’t need/want to push her over the edge. My wife says I should do whatever I think is right and she will deal with what that means. I need to make a decision. I guess my advice to someone going through this would be don’t rush it. I assume I will move on when all my questions are answered. I know I would never be able to get past this while suppressing the questions or comments. I made sure my wife understands that I can’t compromise with this and that the only way to get through this is going to be by getting all my questions answered. Only then will I be able to make a decision to stay or go.
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 "What is most relevant here is a guy is being identified as a "Sperm Donor" simply because he has chosen to want nothing to do with her during the pregnancy... And who knows will still want nothing to do with her, or the child after birth... I don't know." i read this in pof - a woman states she is now pregs - not clear on the reason, when, who, how, why - but she calls the father a 'sperm donor' How do you become a sperm donor? do u do the deed? would a woman not tell the man if she was preg? did they talk about it? would a woman leave a relationship if her partner got her preg without him knowing? or she was having an affair? or maybe she just decided to have a child on her own? do know that bipolar people in certain stages take incredible risks, sexually, and that their emotions and feelings are extagerarted, that they spend money without caring, and believe they can do no wrong? do you know someone that is bipolar? if yes, as a friend, you should try and do everything you can to support them and get them to take their meds and advize them on their decisions. many bipolars will isolate themselves and tell noone about their illness and will step outside their comfortzone - ussually after a traumatic event such as emotional abuse with a loved one these are people just like u and i only they will refuse to listen until the cycle turns and they 'see and feel' things differently - and you should, as a friend threat them the same as u would at any time give love and kindness
Recommended Posts